


Be Gentle With Me

by melimsah



Category: Teen Titans (Animated Series)
Genre: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Non Consensual, Rape, Romance, Slash, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2007-05-07
Updated: 2011-05-22
Packaged: 2017-10-17 03:38:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 54,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/172510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melimsah/pseuds/melimsah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Kid Flash comes to the Tower for a long visit, Robin finds himself uncontrollably drawn towards the speedster's relaxed, down-to-earth attitude. When their friendship becomes something more, they try desperately to hide it from their teammates and their respective girlfriends. But then, someone finds out their secret, and uses the knowledge to his own sick advantage...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sparkle for a Moment

**Author's Note:**

> Rating:M for Mature-Like Material. This stories contains yummy slash, sexual themes, bad language, nekkidness….. and of course, angst, violence, rape, torture, suicidal inclinations... all that good stuffs I enjoy writing so much! XD
> 
> Disclaimer:I do not own! I just exploit these DC/Warner-owned characters for my own amusement, nothing more.
> 
> Author's Note: I never, ever, ever thought I would ever write a shipping story like this. Never. Ever. Ever. I don't do them... I'll include shipping if it's canon (i.e. SF/Rob, or KF/Jinx in my other story), or imply it without actually going into it... but never flat-out doing it. I'm a fan of platonic love - friendship love. These people don't bend over backwards for each other cuz they really want to sleep with one another - they just care about each other. That's why I never did shipping...
> 
> ...then Kid Flash entered my life. XD Well, my roleplaying life... (I'm Robin). Aaaaand... that's how this story came to be...
> 
> We just decided that there isn't enough RobinxKidFlash love out there... and we're determined to change that... the title of this story is from the song Be Gentle With Me, by Boy Least Likely To. :3 It's our song... and these first few chapters will be quite adorable...
> 
> ...of course, I had to take this beautiful story and warp and twist and pervert it... It's what I do best.
> 
> Anywho, let me clarify... **This contains slash, which is boy-on-boy smutness! It also includes rape, emo-tastic angst, and other such awfulnessYou no like, then do not read!**

_Staring up into the solar system  
All the stars are fixed up in the night sky  
I just want to sparkle for a moment  
Before I just fizzle out and die_

 __

* * *

It was just another day with Kid Flash "vacationing" in Titans Tower.

"Whatcha up to, Bossman?" the redheaded speedster quipped in his usual suave demeanor, suddenly appearing behind Robin, who was bent over something important in his work room. The sudden voice in his ear startled him, and he dropped the item, nearly causing it to roll off the table to break on the floor, but caught it at the last moment.

"Damnit, Kid Flash!" Robin spat, rolling his shoulder around to try and get the speedster off his back. "You should know better than to sneak up on me like that!"

"Gotta keep you on your toes!" Kid Flash replied casually, zipping around to the other side of the table and lifting another piece of evidence, looking at it curiously. "After all, who knows – it could be Slade next time."

Robin scowled, very annoyed by Kid Flash's snarkiness. He snatched the item from Kid Flash's hand. "Knock it off and get out! I don't want to deal with this today."

"Deal with what? With me?" Kid Flash asked, his voice sounding falsely hurt. "Oh, come now, you know you like me."

"Yeah, in small quantities," Robin responded sardonically, bending back over his table.

"Oooh, what's this thing do?" Kid Flash suddenly piped up, reaching out and grabbing something else.

"Wally!" Robin gasped before he could catch himself, flailing to try and pull the device from the speedster's hand. "Don't touch that! It's a—AUGH!"

It exploded, and the two boys cried out as a flash of light blinded them both, a small popping explosion making them jump. The Boy Wonder waited a moment, then blinked through blurred, sparkly vision. He shook his head to clear the floaties and looked back at Kid Flash, who was frowning down at their hands, where the item once was. Now, it was just a sticky mess of goo – with Robin's and Kid Flash's hands stuck together within it.

"…a sticky bomb…" Robin groaned bitterly. He twisted his hands around, eventually managing to wrench them free of his gloves, Kid Flash doing the same on his end. Robin tossed the ball of goop and gloves aside with a disgusted face.

"Would you just get out of here…" he grumbled to Kid Flash. "Seriously, you're going to break something…"

"Come on, Little Bird," Kid Flash said with a smile. "No harm done. And you need to loosen up – you're going to give yourself high blood pressure with all this stress."

"What stress? I'm perfectly calm!" Robin retorted through clenched teeth, his eyes narrowing dangerously behind his mask, his bare hands curling into fists.

"No you're not," Kid Flash said, cocking his head to one side. And his face didn't hold any of his usual smug arrogance, but genuine concern. He walked up to Robin and grabbed him by the shoulders, squeezing in with a demure smile. "Come on, relax. The world can take care of itself every once in awhile…"

Robin continued scowling, looking away from those blue eyes. "I don't have time for this…" he grumbled, shrugging out of Kid Flash's grip and brushing past him, heading for the table.

He was a foot from it when a yellow streak flashed across his vision. What that indicated didn't hit home until he hit the ground, Kid Flash holding him down. A patented Kid Flash speedglomp…

"Gerroff me!" Robin protested, staring up into that sparkling blue gaze. He pushed against Kid Flash's shoulders, but the boy leaned inward.

"Nuh uh! You need to relax, Boy Wonder," the redhead responded, reaching up and laying his hands on his face, fingers on his mask, a puzzled look crossing his face. "Now… how do you take this damn thing off?"

Robin's eyes widened. "Wait, Kid Flash don—AUGH!" Kid Flash had managed to get his fingers under a section of the mask, and with his quick speedster reflexes, yanked it off like a bandaid. The skin of Robin's face erupted in pure burning agony, tears springing to his eyes as he clapped a hand to his face.

"Jesus Christ!" he swore, rubbing his face. Was it bleeding – it had to be bleeding. "What did you do that for?"

"There," Kid Flash said simply, sitting back a little as though to admire his work. "You're just Dick now. The weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders. No mask – no hero…"

"Give it back…" Robin scowled, reaching out to snatch it from Kid Flash's hand, but the canary-clad boy chucked it behind him, it landing with a soft sound far behind him in the room. Robin then tried to wiggle his way from Kid Flash's grip, to push the speedster off, but Kid Flash just grabbed Robin's hands, pinning them above his head.

"I'm not letting you go until you promise to calm down."

"I promise…" Robin growled through clenched teeth, glaring up at Kid Flash with such intensity it was surprising the other teen's hair didn't catch fire.

"I don't believe you…" Kid Flash said, leaning in a little more.

Robin found himself growing red… their faces were so close right now. His anger melted into awkwardness, and he looked away.

"Come on, get off me…" he murmured, a little half-heartedly this time.

"Feeling a little vulnerable?"

Robin looked up into those stark blue eyes. Kid Flash's face had grown soft, demure, almost knowing. He maintained his grip on the Boy Wonder's arms, still straddling his thighs, his weight keeping the Titan leader rooted to the floor. Robin couldn't help but blush a little more, and he found himself unable to speak for a moment.

"Yes…" he finally whispered, trying not to look into those blue eyes. He found himself feeling nervous, jittery… energized… adrenaline pumping through his veins, pulling away his breath. He swallowed hard, trying to calm himself down… what was this…?

"Here, maybe this will help…" Kid Flash said. He released his hold on one of Robin's arms, reaching up and sliding his fingertips under the edge of his spandex cowl, pulling it up his face until it slid easily over his hair, suddenly revealing the rest of Kid Flash's young face… his forehead, his ears…. The cowl hung loose down his back, and the boy blushed the tiniest bit as he looked down at Robin, eyes falling half-closed in contentment. "There… no superheroes… just Wally and Dick… no worries."

Robin felt paralyzed, staring up at that face. His nerves were dancing under his skin, a shudder of a shiver racing down his back as Kid Flash… no, Wally… looked down at him. His heart was racing, like he had just completed a marathon at record time… his face had gone completely red.

"W-Wally…" was all he could manage to say, his brain feeling like it had shut down. "I…"

"Yes?"

Was it just his imagination, or was the other boy's face getting closer….?

Time seemed to hang for the longest time as they stared at one another, blue gazes drawn together like magnets. Their faces were so close, their breaths mingled and tickled against each others faces… Robin could feel himself shaking ever so slightly, unable to look away, to speak, to do anything.

And if you asked him later who kissed first, he wouldn't be able to tell you.

It was more like a rush of electricity than a kiss. His whole chest seemed to explode with jittering light, which cascaded through his body, wiping away every worry, every regret, every ill thought.

And he gave into it. He didn't know why… it was so unlike him… but he just gave in to the feelings, to the sensations…

Wally started to pull away, but Dick reached a hand up, lightly sliding his fingers around the back of Wally's neck, his fingers slipping between strands of soft red hair as he pulled him closer, deepening the kiss. There didn't seem to be any complaint, as the redhead laid a hand gently against the Boy Wonder's head, entangling his own fingers in locks of black.

And one kiss turned into more kisses… their lips brushing against each other, pressing against each other, tongues taking exploratory journeys through parted lips.

After what seemed like both an eternity and a second at once, Wally pulled away. His normally pale skin was flushed a deep crimson, his breath coming and going in fast, shaky gusts, eyes a little glazed as he looked down at the Boy Wonder. Dick stared back up at him, his gaze a little unfocused, his mouth parted a little with a mixture of shock and wonder, feeling quite unable to breathe.

"I…" he began, completely baffled and rendered braindead by the whole experience.

"I know…" was all the speedster could say, looking away, almost shyly. He gulped hard, and then took a careful glance back towards the boy beneath him, a small, teasing smile playing on his lips. "Feeling relaxed now…?" he asked in a small, lighthearted voice.

"I… y-you could say that…" Dick admitted, his face turning, if possible, an even deeper shade of red.

"Dick…"

"…yeah?"

"You, um, _do_ realize your hand is halfway up my shirt…?"

Robin's eyes widened, and he flexed his fingers, feeling Kid Flash's soft flesh of his stomach. A cringe crossed the speedsters face, a sharp inhale cutting through his throat as he clenched his eyes shut.

"It tickles…"

"Feeling vulnerable now…?" Dick found himself asking breathlessly, eyes flashing.

A smile was spreading even broader across Wally's face as he looked back up at Dick. "Not really…" he said. His eyes were dancing with fervor, and his voice was tight, almost like a challenge…

What happened next happened quickly, even for the speedster. Dick managed to push Wally over, the two of them rolling to the side until Dick was straddling Wally, gripping the quick boy's arms tightly against the ground, pinning him down the way he had just been pinned.

"How about now…?" Robin looked down at the redhead with an almost hungry look to his eye, his grip tightening on the speedster's wrists, holding him tightly in place.

"Yup. Just a bit." Wally spoke matter-of-factly, eyes sparkling as he grinned up at the Titan leader. He lifted his head a little, his face growing smug. "What're you gonna do about it?"

Robin grinned mischievously, and bent in for another kiss, his heart and mind soaring, his face burning, everything feeling so right.

And then, suddenly, he stopped, right before their lips touched.

 _What am I doing…?_

He pulled away, Wally's ready mouth following a little before the boy realized what was happening, his eyes opening to look up at the Boy Wonder in confusion.

"What's wrong?" he asked as Robin sat up completely, resting his weight on Wally's thighs. His pulse was still racing, his face still flushed, but his voice of reason was dousing him like a bucket of ice water on his head.

"What're we doing…?" Robin asked in a quiet voice, sliding off Kid Flash's lap to sit on the floor. He suddenly looked horrified with himself.

"…Having a little fun…" Wally replied, frowning deeply as he propped himself up on his elbows to look at the Boy Wonder.

"…this is a bit more than 'a little fun…'" Robin retorted in the same small voice, getting to his feet and turning his back on the speedster.

"Wait a minute. Dick…" Wally pushed himself to his feet and zipped around to stand in front of Dick, who turned his head, almost in shame. It hurt the redhead's heart… "It's… it's okay. Really. I mean… you liked it… didn't you…?"

Robin didn't respond. He simply turned away from Wally again, his shoulders hunched as though to ward him away.

"Damnit, Boy Wonder. Don't put your shields up on me. Be honest with me here," Kid Flash snapped, reaching a hand out to grip Robin's shoulder, as though to hold him in place… or to reassure him.

Robin swallowed hard, his eyes snapping around in their sockets as he tried to make sense of everything that was happening.

"I'm… I'm not gay…" he croaked in a tiny voice.

"Neither am I."

Robin swallowed. "And… and what about Starfire… or Jinx…" he glanced over his shoulder at the canary speedster, who was frowning even more.

"They… they don't have to know…"

"They'll find out…"

"Hey… We're superheroes… we know about secrets… we can hide this…"

"Wally…" Dick breathed, almost in annoyance, closing his eyes, trying to get his nerves to calm down, among other things.

"Dick…" Wally murmured in reply, softly, more of a moan than anything. He placed his remaining hand on Robin's other shoulder, leaning close to him and resting his chin beside his neck, the feeling of the speedster's breath on his skin causing a hard shiver to tumble down the Boy Wonder's spine.

"I…" Dick swallowed hard, blood rushing to his face again.

 _Come on, Boy Wonder… just walk away… you have more willpower than this…_

Kid Flash brushed his lips along the back of Robin's hairline, close to his ear, causing the raven-haired boy to mew softly, craning his head back with his eyes closing.

"Woah…" Wally murmured with a soft laugh. "That was intense."

"Wally, please…" Robin murmured breathlessly, dropping his head and screwing his face up against the sensations crashing through him, fighting with himself more than ever.

Wally was silent for a long moment, pulling his face from Robin's neck. Finally, he released his grip on his shoulders. "Okay, Dick… if you don't want… I'll back off… I'm sorry…"

Against his better judgment, Robin turned his head to look back at Wally. The speedster had half-turned away from him, his eyes downcast, looking uncharacteristically forlorn. His hair was disheveled, falling in his face a little, a slight pink tinge still in his cheeks. As though feeling Robin's gaze, he reached his hands up and ran them through his hair, as though to fix it.

"Anyways, I-I guess I'll be going…" the speedster muttered sheepishly, forcing a smile as he thrust a thumb towards the door. "Sorry to interrupt you, Bossman… just thought you could use a break, that's all…"

Kid Flash turned, pulling his cowl back up, walking slowly towards the door.

Robin watched him, mouth parted a little as his mind reeled with all that had happened.

 _He's walking slow… he's trying to give you a chance to catch up… to stop him from leaving…_

 _Oh, Dick… come on… what are you? Gay? You don't want this, you have work to do…_

… _but it felt… so…_

 _...Willpower, Robin…_

Robin looked around, almost nervously, as though trying to find an answer in the newspaper clippings on the walls…

…he… just couldn't ignore the fact that, for that one moment, he had felt so perfectly at peace…

He found himself sprinting to catch up with Wally right before the boy opened the door, grabbing him and spinning him around, pressing him up against the door as his lips found the other's once more.

 _Fuck it…_ Robin thought, possibly for the first time in his life before his mind went blissfully clear once again. He didn't know why… but… he needed this…

* * *

  



	2. Up Into The Solar System

_I'm happy because I'm stupid.  
Scared of spiders, scared of flying.  
If I wasn't so happy,  
I wouldn't be so scared of dying._

 __

* * *

It was more difficult than either of them could have imagined, to act like nothing had happened…

It wasn't even like all that much  **did**  happen, but all the same, every time Robin saw Kid Flash after that, he felt the heat rise to his face, and his heart rate quicken. He found himself trying to avoid the redheaded speedster when the others were around, so that no one would notice anything had changed between them… so that they wouldn't notice the quick, blushing glances… or the awkward, crushing anticipation that seemed to permeate the room when they were together… it was stifling, pressing in on him like heat in a sauna, wondering if just around the corner, he was going to find himself alone with him again…

But at the same time… he felt angry and disgusted with himself over what happened… or really… it wasn't so much that, than confusion. Horrible, heartwrenching confusion, particularly when Starfire was around. He didn't understand… why he had let it happen… and why now, he was so preoccupied with it… this wasn't who he was. Never before had he felt like this towards another guy…

…and yet here he was, not even listening to Starfire as she rambled on about some silly thing or another. Ordinarily, he would give her his complete undivided attention – or at the very least a thorough attempt at it, but his mind completely in the gutter as he nodded over and over, pretending to be paying attention. All he could think about was that other redhead…

He went on patrol alone that night, wandering the streets, trying to make sense of it all in his head. He glanced around, looking more for a flash of yellow than for signs of crime.

 _This is wrecking your concentration, Robin… seriously… you can't do your job like this…_

 _Oh yeah…?_  said a familiar voice in his own head.  _What are you going to do about it._

He paused midstride, gulping down a mouthful of saliva with his heart beating again, his memory of their encounter that morning playing itself out in his head again, sending a rush of warmth to his cheeks.

He almost didn't even notice the gunshot, or the scream of terror that interrupted the silent night. Fortunately, his finely-tuned sense of heroics drove him into gear, sprinting towards the scene with cape fluttering behind him.

And it was at that point he made up his mind – he had to forget about him… The next time he saw Wally, he'd be sending him home.

* * *

It was well past midnight when Robin returned home. Most of the others were either asleep or preoccupied (Cyborg and Beast Boy having a Mystery Science Theater 3000 marathon in the main room). The night had been a long one – much more happened after the gunfight that took up the last of his resources, both mental and physical. He was exhausted. He stretched out his sore, bruised back as he walked down the hallway, not even thinking about that yellow-suited boy and his ways… for the most part.

Robin stepped into his bedroom and shut the door, locking it out of habit. He gave the air a sniff, able to easily detect just how awful he smelled… and he just felt so disgustingly grimy from sweat, dirt and grime. He rubbed his fingers through his hair, a cascade of dust raining down in front of him. He sighed. There was no way he was going to go to bed without a shower….

He made his was slowly across the bamboo floor of his room, crossing the walk-in closet full of his many uniforms, and arriving in his large bathroom. He looked around, almost nervously, as though he expected to be watched, before closing the door. He peeled his shirt off with a contented sigh, and stepped to the counter, grabbing the solvent that deactivated the glue that held his mask in place.

 _This is the RIGHT way to do it…_  Robin thought bitterly as he got to work getting the mask off, remembering how much it stung when Kid Flash had just ripped it off.

He bent over the sink, letting the water run before he pulled his mask free, dipping his hands into the basin and cupping them, allowing water to pool up towards his thumbs. He splashed the warm water on his face, rubbing the last of the glue away.

"Ah, so  _that's_  how you guys take those off…"

Robin cried out and spun, nearly smacking Kid Flash across the face out of reflex. The speedster ducked with ease, Robin's arm sailing over his head, and reached out and caught the Boy Wonder as he lost his balance, his feet tangling up in the bath rug. "Wow, nice to see you too," the redhead joked coyly.

"I – but – you – I… I can't believe you!" Robin snapped, eyes wide as he jolted away from Kid Flash, putting a couple feet between them. He looked around wildly. "What—how did you get in—?"

"I can vibrate my molecules through walls, remember?" Kid Flash said with a mocking smile, crossing his arms and looking down at Robin's bare torso.

"Have you just been waiting around for me to come in here…?" Robin asked in a quiet, annoyed voice.

"Maybe…" Kid Flash looked around the tiled bathroom, glancing back at the large whirlpool bathtub, and the full shower right beside it. "Nice place you got here."

"You're crossing a line, Wally…" Dick grumbled in full irritation, pointing to the door. "Get out! Now!"

"Into your bedroom? With pleasure!" Wally said with a wink.

Robin could only gape a moment, stunned stupid. He snapped out of it and frowned furiously. "You're an idiot…"

"I've heard that more than a few times…" Kid Flash muttered, more to himself than to Robin, as he surveyed the bathroom once more, opening a drawer or two. Robin snapped forward, brushing past the other boy to force the drawers shut again.

"Didn't you ever learn not to snoop around in people's stuff?" Robin snapped, trying to ignore the fact that he and Wally were so close to one another again….

"Whaaat! I'm just curious!" The speedster's expression suddenly fell into sneaky contemplation, and he leaned close to Robin's ear, speaking low and soft as he continued. "I think you can understand what that's like…."

Robin's face flushed a deep crimson, completely flabbergasted by this comment… Wally seemed to have a gift of doing this to him… He shook himself back to reality, shooting Kid Flash a glare as he shoved him away, a little too harshly.

"Right. Maybe I do. But I don't want to anymore. Leave me alone."

"Dick…" Kid Flash murmured, sounding genuinely hurt this time.

"Seriously. We can't be doing this. I mean, look at me. I've been completely out of it all day, sloppy and stupid and—"

Kid Flash simply smiled slyly at this, only making Robin angrier, but before the Boy Wonder could open his mouth, the speedster had shot forward, sweeping Robin around, bending him over backwards like they had just finished a ballroom dance.

"Maybe it's simply you need to get it out of your system… I'm right there with you, Little Bird…" He brought Robin back upright, the Boy Wonder wavering a little in dizziness as the blood rushed from his head. Kid Flash gripped his shoulders a moment to make sure he didn't fall. The speedster watched the other a moment, biting his cheek as he sank into thought, the smile on his face vanishing.

"I… can't focus my mind on anything else…" he admitted quietly, blue eyes flashing up to the Boy Wonder, full of sincerity. "Dick… trust me, I'm just as confused as you are… what with Jinx and… and everything… but… I dunno… I don't think I'll be able to think about anything else for weeks if we let it hang, just like that…"

His hands had slipped from Robin's shoulders and they stood awkwardly before each other. Kid Flash reached up with a small breath, pulling his cowl away from his face again. He dropped his gaze for a moment, staring at nothing, before glancing up at Robin, his blue eyes steady and vulnerable. "It's your move, Bossman…"

A silence enveloped them as Robin fought to think… his mind just didn't want to function. It was late… he was tired, he was sore… he had every reason to say no … and yet, he couldn't… he couldn't even breathe right, his heart thumping against his ribcage like a booming subwoofer. He just found himself staring speechlessly up into that unmasked, boyish face… those blue eyes…

…why did he feel so drawn to this…?

As the silence progressed, Wally stepped forward, shortening the distance between them, as though challenging the space, challenging his doubts.

His heart began pounding faster.

Another step… the air between their bodies was nearly nonexistent now, and Robin took a deep, shuddering breath. Though the distance was so close, they didn't touch anywhere… but Robin felt as though the slightest waver would cause skin to connect, and he would melt completely.

And he looked up, his chin lifted ever so slightly to look up into the slightly more elevated crystal blue eyes of Kid Flash… their faces were so close… Robin squirmed a little where he stood, and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out.

Another long, tense moment passed between them, dragging out like a knife. That jumpy, excited feeling had ignited beneath Robin's skin, and he found himself breathing a little shallow as he continued to watch Kid Flash's face…. So close… all he would have to do was lean forward to…

"What'll it be, Bossman…?" Wally asked in a whisper, his blue eyes soft, tender… beckoning…

Robin fidgeted a little more, biting his lip, looking away several times but immediately having to look back again. The struggle inside him was… damaging… it hurt. It had physically begun to hurt. He was holding his breath, was biting his lip, and his head had begun to throb…

Just pick…

Choose… something…

He was so tense… even his jaw hurt… he just wanted to… relax…

Relax… give in…

For once… he didn't want to be the stubborn one… he wanted to give in… to let go…

Eyes shot back up to meet the redhead's blue gaze…

A heavy, deep sigh - of release, of relief, of something - rushed out the torn boy's chest as he leaned forward, craning his head back to meet Kid Flash's awaiting lips. It was so quick, and with such force, that the redhead reeled back a few inches, chuckling a little in the back of his throat before kissing the dark-haired boy back with equal force.

"I was hoping that would be your choice…" Kid Flash murmured, wrapping his arms around Robin's shirtless shoulders as he swept his lips in towards his neck.

Robin could only reply with a small moan as those lips touched the nape of his neck, sending numbing, tingling explosions of light cascading through his body. His breathing had grown more ragged, his fingers clutching for dear life onto the other teen's red hair… he closed his eyes, just letting himself fall into the wonderful feelings in a way he never ever thought he could, with anyone….

Kid Flash tore his red gloves off behind Robin's back, tossing them aside with haste so he could experience the Boy Wonder's bare back with his own touch. The feeling of his naked palms on his warm flesh caused another tiny moan to escape Robin's throat.

"I see someone approves…" Wally murmured into Robin's ear with a small chuckle, pulling his head back to look at the expression on Robin's maskless face, at his half-lidded gaze, his flushed cheeks. He grinned, and leaned back in to lock lips once more, their mouths parting to explore one another as the speedster's hands explored Robin's bare shoulders and chest, the kiss deepening.

Robin found his hands shaking as they slowly slipped from Wally's hair, falling slowly, fingers trailing softly down over the sleek spandex material that clung tightly to the speedster's thin yet muscular form. The redhead chuckled into the Boy Wonder's mouth as his soft touch tickled his ribs, before Robin began clumsily grabbing at the bottom edge of Wally's shirt.

"I do seem a little overdressed, don't I…?" Kid Flash asked with his mouth still close to Dick's, with a sinister little smirk flashing across his boyish face. There was a blur of motion, and suddenly, the yellow shirt was falling to the floor behind him and a topless, maskless redheaded boy was pressing himself back up against a stunned Boy Wonder.

Robin couldn't suppress the deep moan that rose from his throat… the feel of Wally's warm, bare skin against his own… his face had grown pink again, feeling heated and flushed as they stood there a moment, just reveling in the feeling of flesh against flesh.

"So…" the speedster whispered with a strange heaviness to his voice, caressing his hands gently up and down Robin's back as he leaned down to plant kisses on his shoulder, his thin arms feeling like velvet as they journeyed over Robin's. "What do you want to do, then…?"

"I…" Robin breathed, his thought broken with a groan as Kid Flash began sucking on the juncture where his neck met the rest of his body, sending wonderful shivers cascading down his spine. "Wh-whatever you want to do…"

" _Whatever_  I want…?" Wally pulled back a bit to survey the other teen's face with genuine curiosity, a coy little smile on his face. "That doesn't sound like the Boy Wonder I know… the one who takes charge and has to have everything his way…"

"I… I know…" Robin said in a very quiet voice, looking away. His face had grown a deep shade of crimson. One of Wally's eyebrows lifted, a small frown taking over his young face, a hint of confusion or concern lacing his features. He looked away a moment in thought, and then his face brightened as he understood.

"Ah…" he said, his typical smirk jumping into view once more. "I think I get it…"

"Shut up…" Robin said with growing embarrassment, suddenly shoving Wally away and brushing past him, standing towards the counter, the mirror, with his back to the redhead. He'd grown tense, his face turning the color of cherries as he glared at the counter, avoiding Kid Flash's puzzled stare in the mirror.

"Nah, it's okay, Dick. Really." Wally stepped carefully over to the other teen, gently resting his hands on those strong, supple shoulders, looking down on him with a calm smile. "Like I told you before, too much stress, too much responsibility can make you miserable. Every once in awhile… it's okay to just let go… to just relax…"

He squeezed Robin's shoulders, massaging them gently. Robin moaned softly despite himself, his defenses slowly lowering again as Kid Flash's kneading fingers traveled down his tense, sore back, working out some of the knots and stiffness… some of which had probably been there for years… He closed his eyes despite himself, his breath growing shallow once more as he slowly began to relax into Wally's tender touch. The redhead's hands slowly made their way down his back, his fingers trailing delicate trails across his oversensitive skin. He came dangerously close to the waistband of Robin's leggings, the touch there sending sparks of electricity through him before the hands rubbed their way back up. Kid Flash let his fingers rest affectionately on Robin's arms, stepped closer, closing the space between them, pressing his chest against Robin's shoulderblades. His breath tingled across Robin's ear as he spoke.

"So, just relax, Boy Wonder… I'll take care of you, okay…?"

"…okay…" A hint of nervousness coated his response as Wally embraced him a little tighter from behind. He watched Wally intently through the mirror with bated breath, seeing the soft, tender, dreamy look on the redhead's face as he leaned in to trail kisses along Robin's neck. He moved to plant more kisses gingerly behind Robin's ear, sending more jolts of tickling sensations shooting through the teen's body, causing him to tilt his head back, eyes falling closed once more with a soft whimper of pleasure. This seemed to spur the speedster on, his kisses growing more passionate and greedy as it journeyed down his neck toward his shoulder, sucking hungrily on the skin, causing the teen before him to moan louder.

"Mmmm…" Kid Flash hummed against Robin's skin, pulling away and licking his lips as he admired the fresh hickey that had surfaced from his efforts. "Salty…"

Robin gave a breathy chuckle. "Haven't had a chance to shower yet…" he mumbled absentmindedly, eyes still closed. "…still a little sweaty and gross…"

"And getting sweatier…" Kid Flash noted, his hands on Robin's ribs making the boy beneath their touch squirm a little. He was swaying his hips a little, causing Dick to move with him, the raven-haired boy's breath catching when he felt something pressing into him from behind… and he realized just how excited he himself had become, opening his eyes and surveying the two of them in the mirror… Kid Flash was staring over Robin's shoulder, eyes falling in the same general area with a cheeky grin.

"So… how about that shower…?"

Robin's face flushed scarlet again, and he swallowed hard.

"I-I'm not sure…" he whispered, growing anxious once more.

"Yeah… I suppose you're right…" Kid Flash murmured, suddenly a little morose as he brushed aside of Robin. Robin shivered the tiniest bit as sudden cool air hit his back, turning to look at Kid Flash a little puzzled… was that it, then…?

Wally was grinning mischievously down at him, though, his eyes blazing with a deep hunger. "You're not nearly dirty enough yet to need a shower…."

"Wha—" Robin gave a small yelp as he found himself hurtling backward at a terrifying speed, Kid Flash sweeping him off his feet and carrying him out his bathroom door into his bedroom, pinning him down on the bed.

"Wally—I—mff!" Robin's protest was immediately interrupted by a pair of lips and a probing tongue. His body was alight with amazing sensations, his adrenaline pumping, his heart pounding in his ears as he pressed into Wally's kiss, eyes closing. The redhead shifted himself a little, lying half-sprawled out, half-kneeling on top of the Boy Wonder. Robin deepened the kiss further, wrapping his arms tightly around Wally's neck.

And then, there was a sudden unintentional connection between them. Robin moaned loudly, and Wally broke the kiss, pulling his face back a little with a small grunt, a strange wince crossing his face. Dick peeked through his eyes, his face burning with heat as he looked into the other boy's lustful gaze. They were both breathing heavily… and both sets of blue eyes sparkled with wonder and daring…

"Is that a bo staff in your pocket, or are you excited to see me…?" Wally suddenly spoke up, eyes dancing with its usual boyish charm. Dick's eyes fell half-closed in a mixture of annoyance and amusement.

"Are you excited?" he muttered coyly in a soft voice. "I can't tell… feels like someone's pressing a q-tip against my leg…"

Wally's mouth fell open in obvious hurt. He rolled off of Robin a little, pouting furiously "Oh no you DIDN'T!" He thrust a finger in Dick's face. "Don't make me go grab a ruler to compare!"

Suddenly, Robin found himself blushing furiously… his brain had started functioning once more, and he suddenly felt ridiculous and guilty all over again, seeing Wally lying there beside him on his bed, both of them half naked. He looked away, the laughter fading from his face, replaced by total bashfulness.

Wally clued into it, and gave a small smile. "We can stop if you want… just say it…"

Robin swallowed hard, his head shaking no of its own free will. The other boy leaned in, and brilliant sensations spread through his entire being, blinding him, consuming him, erasing his mind.

At long last, he let himself go, allowing himself to become fully awash in the passion and excitement. He couldn't believe how nice it felt, to be so fully absorbed in this, to forget about everything that had previously consumed his mind.

He wasn't really Robin anymore… but not really Dick either….

And that was fine by him.

* * *

 **Author's Note:** xD Let me know what you think!


	3. I Never Mean To Be Mean

_I guess I've always needed.  
To be needed by someone.  
It's such a comforting feeling,  
Being under someone's thumb_

 __

* * *

He kept telling himself it had to end….

Each day he told himself…

Yet each day, those blue eyes drew him in, silenced his apprehension, and pulled him back into those arms….

When they were alone, they were on each other like rabbits, Robin giving in to Kid Flash's dominating, quirky ways, and Kid Flash fully encompassing and enjoying his role. Somehow, they managed to hide it from everyone for over a week, and somehow also managed not to arouse any suspicion from the others. Of course it helped that they at some point silently agreed to place distance between themselves when the others were around.

Although it would've been even easier to avoid suspicion if Wally wouldn't goose Robin at high-speed at inappropriate times….

But now he needed a break.

Robin sat on a rooftop, staring out at the dark city streets. The communicator on his belt was at work scanning the police reports, the little device in his ear rapidly skipping from one voice to another, his brain quickly checking every code number against the mental encyclopedia in his head, looking for a match that would say he needed to act. But other than some very minor problems he knew the police could handle, the night was quiet and uneventful.

But then, his communicator bleeped. Robin snatched it from his belt and looked at it. A blinking dot appeared on a map of the city, down towards the seaport. Robin got to his feet and suddenly leapt off the building top, reaching out and grabbing the rungs of fire escapes to help him reach the ground safely, like a monkey swinging from branch to branch. He landed swiftly on the seat of his motorbike, hid safely out of sight behind a pile of garbage. He revved it into gear and shot forward, careening down empty streets towards his destination, his face set like it was carved from stone. In his mind, he began to wonder who had triggered the alert…. What supervillain? What mob? What was he up against here?

The bleeping dot led him to Pier 3 of Fisherman's Wharf. He cut the motor of his bike, pulling his helmet off and squinting up at the large building. It looked deserted… in fact, it looked as though it hadn't been disturbed in twenty years, save for graffiti and broken windows near the roofline.

An abandoned warehouse. Criminals were so typical.

Robin rested his helmet on his bike as he strode towards the big building, set and prepared for whatever might come at him.

….although he would never have expected to find himself snatched up by a streak of yellow, and hurtling at superspeed into the depths of the big building.

The world went from blurry to still as Kid Flash halted, carrying Robin in his arms like a husband carrying his new bride across the threshold of their home.

"Hey, Little Bird!" Kid Flash said with a huge smile. "Glad to see me?"

It took the briefest of moments for Robin to get over the initial shock of the situation. He looked up at Kid Flash, but his face did not look glad at all.

"Put… me… DOWN!"

"Aw, c'mon!" Kid Flash laughed. "It's time for a change of—"

"PUT ME DOWN!" Robin shouted at the top of his lungs, startling the red-head into dropping him. Robin got quickly to his feet, brushing himself off and looking up at Wally with wild, livid eyes.

"Are… you… stupid or something?" Robin stammered, completely overflowing with anger.

"Come on, Bossman, this place is deserted. Trust me, I looked over it fifty times!"

"NO!" Robin screamed. "Fucking no, Kid Flash! In the tower is one thing, but this is too dangerous! If we got caught—"

"I'm telling you, we won't—"

"It's not worth the risk!"

"What are you chicken?"

"I'm not chicken, you're a turkey!"

"Ooooh, good comeback!" Kid Flash sneered. Robin seethed at him a long time, before brushing past him. He made it about five yards before Kid Flash whipped up behind him.

"Come on…" he murmured seductively, his fingers touching Robin's shoulders gently. "There's a small closet in the back… no one will find us… and if they do, I'll get us out of there so quick they won't…"

"I told you NO, Wally!" Robin snapped violently. The hairs on the back of his neck prickled. He glanced around nervously. "You're not in control of me this time! Just back off!"

He didn't care how deserted anything was… In this city, there was no telling if, when, or where there might be spies… bugs… cameras… villains hiding in wait…

No… this was too much….

Wally seemed to sense his complete rejection of the idea, and backed off. "Okay, okay. I get it. Sorry. Just thought it'd be fun to try it someplace new is all."

"Look," Robin hissed dangerously, turning to look at him, still feeling horribly exposed. "There is a time and a place for everything – and _that_ ," he put extreme emphasis on it, and Kid Flash knew perfectly well what he was talking about, "is something that does not leave the confines of my room. You got that?"

"What about my room?"

"FUCK OFF!" Robin screamed. Kid Flash didn't need a second telling. He vanished in a streak of yellow. Robin stood rooted to the spot a moment, making sure he was indeed gone before turning to head back to his bike.

Suddenly, he yelped, something grabbing him by the butt cheek.

"I'll see you in your room then…" that voice murmured in his ear. He swung his arm around angrily, but only hit empty air. He growled in frustration and stormed out to his bike, snatching up his helmet and slamming it down on his head. He revved up his bike and took off, his face red with both frustration and embarrassment, as if he was suddenly afraid all of Jump City now knew.

No. Wally had crossed a line. Nothing would happen tonight, not after this. Not if he had anything to say about it.

Nope, not this time. He wouldn't give in this time…

* * *

The feel of him in his arms was the first thing he was aware of when he awoke in the morning. It made him smile, even before the last vestiges of sleep ebbed away and was replaced by the warmth and smell of the boy who was sharing his bed with him.

Kid Flash peeked through heavy, tired eyes at the boy he was holding. All he could see from this angle was his broad shoulder and hair misshapen by both the pillow and their escapades the night before. Wally carefully shifted his weight, careful not to awake the slumbering Titan as he pulled his free arm from under his pillow (where it had fallen asleep. Argh, that was unpleasant!). He propped himself up with it, allowing him a bird's-eye view of the soft, peaceful face of his lover.

It still didn't feel real… no matter how many times they did this, it still felt like a dream, surreal, unreal. He again questioned how this had even become a thing... how they had become a thing….

His smile began to fade though. Somewhere deep in his stomach, he felt uneasy. He had begun to realize, if not accept, that someday, sooner or later, this would have to end… Robin had been right, of course. What Wally had pulled in the warehouse was stupid, no matter how well he had planned it and staked out the area to make sure absolutely no one would find them there.

And really, at the rate they were going, it was only a matter of time until someone figured it out….

As he watched Dick sleep soundly beside him, he suddenly found his thoughts shifting for the first time in days…. To her. His smile faded as he thought of her, guilt rising in his chest. Jinx…. If she were to find out… that was, if they ever actually made up from their fight… she would never forgive him, and in fact, would probably give him a scar to bear the rest of his life.

 _Well, we won't let her find out, now will we,_ he reassured himself as he gently brushed some of the hair from the Boy Wonder's face. Robin squirmed a little at the touch, and Kid Flash held his breath – a hero like Robin was likely trained to attack if awoken suddenly. That was an unpleasantry he didn't really want to deal with this early in the morning…

He glanced at the alarm on the bedside table, and blinked in surprise. Okay, so… this late in the morning… in fact, it was nearly noon…

Oh yeah, he remembered now turning off the alarm half-awake at around 6am… he chuckled and ran his fingers through his hair sheepishly. Here was hoping that Robin wouldn't be pissed…

Just as he was thinking it was time to get his butt back to his own room to avoid suspicion, like he had every other night, there was a sudden loud, shuddering knock on the door to Robin's room, causing both of them to snap up fully alert and alarmed.

"Robin?" Starfire's voice filtered in from the hallway. "It is late and you are still in bed? Are you unwell?"

"Ah- Starfire!" Robin gasped, glancing around frantically, from Kid Flash to the clock, to the clothes on the floor, to the door. "Ah, no, I—OUCH!" he cried out as he and Kid Flash became tangled in the covers, both of them panicking as they struggled to get up.

"Are you okay? I am coming in!"

"NO!" Robin gasped desperately, snatching up his sheets to wrap around his naked form as Kid Flash zoomed at quick speed around the room, snatching up clothes and evidence of what had happened, his mind continually screaming "Shit shit shit!" inside his own head.

When the door slid open, Kid Flash was gone. It was just Robin sitting there hiding himself from her, red in the face and horrified, clearly disoriented after being awoken so abruptly.

Starfire blushed a little as she realized he wasn't wearing his uniform, or even his mask. She quickly turned as though to give him privacy. "Oh, for-forgive me Robin! I didn't realize you were—"

"It's, uh, it's okay! I guess my alarm didn't go off, and it, um, got really hot in here last night?" He fumbled over his words, feeling not at all convincing in his excuse. His eyes darted around the room in horror, wondering where Kid Flash was hiding… and whether or not they were caught….

However, Wally wasn't even in the room anymore. When the door slid open, Kid Flash panicked from his hiding place under the bed. Afraid he would be caught where he was, he vibrated his molecules quickly through the floor to escape.

In his flustered haste, he had completely ignored the fact that there had to be a room beneath Robin's…. and that there might have been someone in there… and it was just his luck that he would practically land right in his lap.

"What the hell?" Cyborg cried out as Kid Flash's naked form crashed into him, causing the two of them and the huge barbell Cyborg had been lifting to crash to the ground, narrowly avoiding crushing the redhead's arm.

"Kid Flash! What the…. Um…." Cyborg's eyes went wide as he realized what he was looking at, as Kid Flash shook the stars from his eyes before glancing up at the cybernetic teen. The horrible realization of just how unclothed he was struck home hard even before Cyborg stuttered "Wh-why the hell are you naked?"

"I… uh… here, hold this a second!" he shouted, grabbing hold of one of the articles of clothing in his hands and chucked it at Cyborg's face to block his view as he quickly swept all his clothes back on his body at lightning speed. Cyborg struggled with the fabric and by the time he'd wrenched it from his face, Kid Flash had vanished, leaving him sitting there, bewildered and confused.

 _That was quite possibly the weirdest experience I've ever had here…_ the large Titan thought, completely dumb stricken by the whole event. After a moment the shock began to wear off, and he glanced down at the piece of material in his hand, recognizing it immediately as one of Robin's capes, which only made him more confused.

Kid Flash had just appeared from the ceiling and crashed into him, naked, with some of Robin's clothes…? …wait a moment… wasn't the room directly above the gym _Robin's_ room?

He really couldn't think up any reasonable explanation for this series of events…. He glanced towards the open door of the gym, still wide-eyed stunned.

After all, there was no way this could be what it looked like… could it…?

* * *

It took a long time for the embarrassed blush to recede from Robin's cheeks as he got dressed, and to get the twisted feeling out of his stomach. They had almost gotten caught… not just that… _she_ had almost found out…

For the first time in days, guilt and uncertainty had gripped him tightly. What the hell had been doing the last half a week?

He absentmindedly emerged from his room, sweeping his fingers through his still unkempt hair. How could he be doing these things, when he still cared so much about _her_. This wasn't fair to her… at all…

He sighed deeply, hanging his head as he listened to his own footsteps echoing around him in the large hallway. This had gone far enough…. He would end it. Today.

He was suddenly aware of another set of familiar footsteps overcoming the sound of his own, and he lifted his head to see Cyborg sauntering towards him, a towel slung over his shoulder. Coming back from the gym, Robin guessed. Cyborg always took a towel with him, out of habit and nostalgia more than necessity. It's not like Cyborg could really break a good sweat with his body the way it was.

The dark-skinned teen stopped walking when he noticed Robin there. A strange expression passed over the older teens face, almost as if assessing the boy that stood before him for errors. Robin stared back, a little perplexed.

"Um, morning," Robin greeted, smiling sheepishly and rubbing his hand over the back of his head, hoping that Cyborg hadn't suddenly obtained mind-reading powers.

"Morn'," Cyborg replied, his voice deep and level. "You missed training…"

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. Somehow I forgot to set my alarm…"

Cyborg nodded and began to sweep past him without another word, a strange expression still tight on his face, almost one of disbelief. No, Robin was just imagining that…. But Cyborg definitely wasn't pleased. The Boy Wonder frowned as he watched his friend stride past, wondering if he was really that miffed that Robin hadn't been there to help him train, or if there was something else wrong.

Cyborg suddenly stopped, as though feeling Robin's gaze on the back of his skull.

"You know, a funny thing happened while I was in the gym…."

Robin blinked, his gaze more focused on the other Titan. Cyborg turned to face him fully, and a strange prickling cascaded down Robin's neck as their gazes locked.

"Yeah, I was doing some weights, when this naked redheaded teen came falling onto my head from the ceiling above me…. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

Alarm bells shrieked inside Robin's head. Panic clutched him tightly, causing all the color to drain from his face. Cyborg's eyes did not wave, his one human eye and one cybernetic one staring down his wide nose at the Titan leader. It was a look of total conviction, total certainty….

It was then that Robin realized that it wasn't a towel slung over Cyborg's shoulder… it was one of his own capes….

Understanding clutched him violently, his eyes widening of their own accord. The gym… it was right below his bedroom… Kid Flash must've passed through the floor to make his escape when Starfire had barged in…

And Cyborg….

Oh shit…he was busted. He was so fucking busted.

Robin glanced around like a trapped mouse, more checking to see if anyone else was listening than to see if there was an escape route.

"Cyborg…" he began, looking back at him.

"You can't be serious…" Cyborg interrupted, eyes widening. The way he was acting, the look on his face… it confirmed everything! His voice began to rise in volume as he stormed forward, completely outraged "You mean to tell me that you and Kid Fla—mmf!"

With a panicked burst of agility, Robin shot forward, slapping a hand to Cyborg's mouth and pushing him back towards the door behind him, the one to Robin's laboratory. It slid open at their approach and they tumbled through it, balance lost.

"Gerroffme!" Cyborg gasped, heaving Robin off of him like the younger boy was made of foam. Robin landed with his usual grace, but didn't straighten to stand, squatting down and watching the floor with wild eyes as his brain struggled to think of something, anything, that he could do to help his situation. The door to the hallway slammed closed, leaving them in near pitch-darkness.

Cyborg sat up and dusted himself off, glancing across the room at the other teen, whose face was barely illuminated by the glow of Cyborg's circuitry. The dark-skinned Titan shook his head with wide-eyed incredulity. He couldn't believe this. He seriously could not believe this at all. First of all, not only had Robin had a huge thing for Starfire for _years,_ they had been considered an official item ever since Tokyo! And secondly… he never in a hundred years would have thought that Robin could have _any_ homosexual tendencies whatsoever!

"What the hell is going on?" was all the robotic teen could blurt out.

Robin didn't answer. He didn't look at the other Titan, his eyes focused intently at the ground. Cyborg furrowed his brow. The young teen looked completely lost and confused… this wasn't just plain guilt or shame at being caught….

"Robin…?"

There was a change in Cyborg's tone, and it caught Robin's attention, causing him to look up. Cyborg was a little taken aback by the look in the other's eyes. It was almost pleading for help.

A long silence passed, neither of them really knowing exactly what to say. Cyborg was still internally struggling to come to terms with all this. He was stretched between feelings of enragement, confusion, pity…. But mostly, a desire for understanding. He settled himself into a more comfortable sitting position.

"Just answer me, Robin…. Have you and Kid Flash been…" he fumbled over the last word, trying to think of the most inappropriate option.

"…intimate?" Robin finished for him in a quiet, flat tone. "Yeah."

The spiky-haired teen was glaring at the carpet now, a familiar look of revulsion crossing his face. Cyborg recognized it right away – it was Robin's look of self-loathing.

 _Good_ , he couldn't help but think, frowning. _You should be hating yourself right about now._

"….how intimate?" he continued, his voice growing more stern.

Robin's gaze flicked up to his, lingering just long enough to answer his question. Cyborg's eyebrows cocked high on his forehead in astonishment, gaping a little.

"How long has this been going on?"

"….almost two weeks…."

"….regularly?"

A nod.

"….This is really fucked up, man."

Robin looked up at his friend, who looked back at him with a serious, scathing expression. Panic began to clutch him again.

"Look, it wasn't my fault!" he cried out suddenly, getting to his feet. "He—he started it!"

"But you gave in!" Cyborg retorted in a similar volume, clamoring to his own feet. "Jesus, man! How could you do this? How could you do this to Starfire?"

"I don't know!" Robin's voice had become higher pitched, revealing his true terror at the whole situation. "I just… I don't know! It just happened!"

"'It just happened' _regularly? For almost two weeks?"_

He'd wondered why Kid Flash had stuck around as long as he had….

" _I KNOW!"_ Robin shouted. He pressed his face to his hands, gripping his hair like his fingers were each individual vices, ready to pull huge chunks of his black locks out. "I know… I know… I fucked up… this is so fucked up…. I just…. I couldn't…."

Robin dropped to his knees, a harsh breath escaping him, almost like a sigh. Cyborg was taken completely off-guard, gaping down at the boy, stunned senseless.

"Look…." Cyborg began after a moment of watching Robin struggling with his own mind. "I… won't tell anyone… yet…. But you need to deal with this shit. Now."

"I know…" Robin murmured, dropping his hands, looking haunted but firm. "I've already decided… he's gotta go…"

Cyborg nodded in agreement, but still felt unsure. "What about Starfire?"

Robin glanced up at him.

"I'll…. I'll deal with it…."

"You'd better…. Or I will."

Robin swallowed the bile that had risen in his throat as Cyborg stormed out of the room, leaving him alone with his thoughts.

More than anything else, he wanted to give Kid Flash a hard kick in the ass.

A sudden siren began to sound, washing the dark room in a pulsing wave of red light. Robin growled and got back to his feet.

All of that would have to wait… his job came first.

* * *


	4. My Heart Gets Broken So Easily

_So just be gentle with me  
I'm not as young as I was.  
And I'll be gentle with you  
I'm not as brave as I thought  
'Cause my heart gets broken so easily  
So just be gentle, be gentle with me_

 __

* * *

Clouds obscured the sky, drowning the world in a stray gray blanket as Robin stood crouched on one rooftop of the many that made up the LexCorp research facility. He peeked over the edge of the building, his fingers twiddling a birdarang absentmindedly beside him, ready to strike when the need arose.

It was a hostage situation, an extreme one. Reports indicated that the place was overrun with Sladebots. The facility's security system had been heavily breached, all security personnel deemed either incapacitated or dead. The scientists inside were at the mercy of Slade's little mechanical drones. Masked eyes narrowed as he surveyed the chaos of the scene.

Slade…. What are you up to this time….?

He continued to fiddle the birdarang between his fingers, mostly out of restlessness than anything. He bit his lip. Raven and Beast Boy had snuck their way in, hoping to find a way to save the hostages with as little upset as possible...

A loud explosion sounded not far from him, from the next building. Screams erupted from the crowd that had formed on the street, held back by barricades, policemen and SWAT vans.

"Okay, yeah, that didn't work so well," a deadpanned girl's voice buzzed in his ear.

"I think that's our cue to get in there," responded another deep voice."

"Copy that. We'll converge in the main building where the hostages are located." Robin murmured darkly, getting to his feet and leaping over the edge of the building, landing swiftly in the middle of a large crowd of Sladebots. He smirked as he slung the birdarang at one, before whipping out his bo staff and charging at the next, swinging hard and lopping off the robot's head.

Sladebots were easy. He could easily take out twenty of them without breaking a sweat. As he pummeled his fist into one and pitched a ice bomb at another, he wondered how Slade ever got all the materials to continue making these, and why the hell he never ever seemed to have improved on their design.

A distraction… that's all they're meant to be… Robin thought bitterly. He spun to see another Sladebot approaching, and he leapt into the air, grabbing the bot by the head before it knew what was happening, flipped around his back and brought him hurtling over and into the ground, circuits flying.

A streak of yellow caught his eye, the Sladebots around him suddenly tumbling one by one like a set of dominos.

"Looks like you could use some help," Kid Flash said with a smirk, skidding to a halt at the Boy Wonder's side.

Robin shot him a dangerous look, incredibly unhappy to see his face. "I didn't need any help! I can handle this."

"Oh, I know," Kid Flash said, looking around like a kid browsing the aisles of toy store. "I was done with my guys and thought I'd lend you a hand. Besides, Raven had said we should all pair up, and, well, you and I pair up pretty nicely don't we?" He added a wink to his smirk as he turned towards Robin.

Robin didn't look at all amused, glaring terribly at Kid Flash in a way that would've made the Bats proud. "What?" the speedster asked innocently.

"Not anymore…" he murmured in a very dark tone, turning away from Kid Flash, throwing the doors the Sladebots had been guarding wide open with both arms.

"What?" This time, Wally's voice came out serious, lost, confused. He charged through the doors before they closed, whipping up to walk in stride with the storming Boy Wonder. "Look, I know that what happened this morning was a close call but—"

"Close call?" Robin spat suddenly, turning to Kid Flash with a scorching stare. "Are you playing dumb or did you hit your head when you dropped in on Cyborg?"

Wally's face lost a bit of its color. Robin's eyes narrowed dangerously as he turned from him, treading angry steps away down the hallway, his hands in angry fists at his side.

"Ah, geez, he figured it out, didn't he?" Kid Flash wondered aloud, rubbing the back of his head uncomfortably.

"You think?" Robin spat, turning to look at the wall. His gloved fingers swept carefully over the surface, feeling out a set of deep scratches in the marble veneer. He frown at it deeply, but wasn't even thinking about what this discovery meant in terms of the mission – all his mind could focus on was this stupid messed-up love triangle… he felt like the character in a cheesy fanfic story.

"You fucked everything up…" he suddenly grumbled, eyes flashing towards the redheaded teen. "We should have stopped long ago – we never even should have started! I mean, god, what the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't," Wally admitted with a small shrug, shifting a little where he stood and casting his eyes to the floor with a puppy-dog look of shame.

"Gee, what a surprise…" Robin growled, turning to the wall with a scowl. "And now… Cyborg is going to tell Starfire… " his fingers still resting on the wall balled into a fist, his eyes clamping shut. "I… I'm going to lose her…. Hurt her…. God, I never wanted any of this…."

Wally didn't speak for a long moment, watching the agonized Titan with wide eyes. He felt terrible. He knew what they'd been doing was stupid, but now he recognized just how much he had been lying to himself about it all… that it'd all been innocent fun. But of course it wasn't innocent. He had no idea how he had constructed this illusion for himself.

"Robin…" he began, but didn't have a moment to finish, as a laser bolt narrowly missed Robin's head, leaving a burning scorch mark in the marble beside his fist. He cried out and whirled around, bo staff at the ready as Kid Flash dropped into a stance, facing a thick wall of robotic Slade minions.

"This really just isn't the time, Wally," Robin spat, a little miffed. How could he have ignored the mission so much? He charged forward without another word, a warcry escaping his lips as he disappeared within the throng of droids.

Wally hesitated a long moment, simply watching the other boy fight.

It was over, then? Their relationship… or whatever this had been…? A deep frown took over his face.

He knew it would be coming sooner or later…. So why did it hurt so bad?

A laser bolt at his shoulder brought him back to his senses with a yelp. He scowled at the freshly singed hole in his uniform, before turning towards the offending robot.

"Come on! I just cleaned this thing!" he groaned, charging forward and delivering a hard, quick blow to the bot's faceless head. The Sladebot crumpled, and Wally looked up, to find a matching wall of Sladebots in the hallway opposite from where Robin had disappeared. Kid Flash glanced over his shoulder towards where the Boy Wonder had vanished.

Well… if you think you can handle it… he thought to himself, turning back to the marching army of drones, cracking his knuckles with a wry, ready smirk before charging forward. Just because he hurt on the inside didn't mean he couldn't enjoy bringing these bastards down.

He was so focused on the task before him that he didn't notice the emergency door slamming down behind him as he raced into the thickest throng of Sladebots, cutting him off from the other hallway, and from Robin.

Robin heaved a deep breath before leaping onto one of the bots. He was already becoming winded, unlike before. There were far more bots than he had anticipated, and he had quickly realized that these ones weren't like those he'd fought outside. They were quicker, stronger, better able to anticipate his movements, better able to handle his attacks.

Way to go Robin… you'd wondered why Slade didn't upgrade, and guess what – he upgraded. Way to encourage him mentally, idiot.

He gave a loud cry as he swung the bo staff around, catching one robot in the chest. Unlike the previous bots, though, the staff didn't stab through the metallic armor of the chest, to uproot and dismantle circuitry and bring the bot down. Instead, his bo staff ricocheted off, catching him off guard. He quickly reclaimed his footing, swinging his foot around to catch another bot in the head, but the bot caught his foot with astonishing reflex. The world tilted like a carnival ride as Robin arched through the air by the foot, before being slammed down hard into the tiled floor, sending stars sparkling behind his eyes.

Okay, Wally… now's the time for you to come sailing out of nowhere to help me out… he thought bitterly, snatching up a discus and hurling it across the floor as the bot lifted its fist, aiming right at Robin's face. The bomb went off, sending a barrage of Sladebots hurling in every direction by the force of the explosion, one thankfully slamming right into the bot pinning Robin to the floor, freeing him from its clutches. Robin swung his feet over his head in a backwards handspring, landing gracefully and picking his bo staff back up, getting into a defensive stance, glancing around at the pool of Sladebots littering the floor around him, ready for whatever was coming next.

"You need some new tricks, Slade…." Robin murmured, glaring down at the headless form of one of the Sladebots, watching the sparks jutting from its neck, a robotic form of blood.

"Don't worry, Robin… I still have a few…."

Robin wheeled around at the voice, eyes widening in alert. He tried to discern the source of his voice, but he couldn't tell which way it had come from. It seemed to echo from everywhere

"Come on, Slade!" he shouted, holding his bo staff before him like a sword. "Show yourself! I'm ready!"

"….are you, now?"

Robin froze. He knew that tone of voice…. Knew it all too well… something was about to happen.

"What…?" he began, his heroic intuition suddenly screaming at him.

He had to get out of there.

Now.

But no sooner had his feet twitched in preparation to move, the entire world suddenly disappeared in an explosion of agony. Robin cried out, the bo staff dropping from his grasp as electricity leapt from the fallen Sladebots, wrapping around him and slashing fire through every part of his body. He folded in on himself, his knees slamming hard to the floor, his hands barely able to reach out to break his fall. The edges of his mouth hurt as he grimaced against the overwhelming pain, tears stinging his eyes as he fought not to scream. He couldn't scream… he couldn't give Slade the pleasure…

Almost as if reading his mind, the electricity intensified. A cry ripped through his throat despite his efforts to silence them, his elbows betraying him, causing him to crash face first to the floor, jerking as the energy raced through his system. His brain was paralyzed with pain – he couldn't figure out a way to make it stop, couldn't control his body movements even to grip his communicator and hit the emergency button. He flailed on the floor, screaming, like a fish out of water.

Wally… he was nearby…. He had to be hearing him now…. Or one of the others had to show up, like they always did…. Turn up at just the right moment, to help him out.

But no one came…

His consciousness was teetering when it all finally stopped. He lay useless on the ground, struggling with his remaining strength just to breathe. He could only make his fingers twitch, the rest of his body completely unresponsive. His vision wavered in and out of focus, a familiar figure appearing just above him, silhouetted against the fluorescent ceiling lights, blurry around the edges, swaying like a boat on the sea, though Robin knew he was in fact standing perfectly still. A quiet chuckle graced his ears.

"Hello, Robin…" that voice murmured softly, an edge of malice tainting it, that familiar masked face closing in on his dampening eyesight. "You're mine, now…."

* * *

"That... could've gone better."

Kid Flash looked up as Cyborg strode towards them. The oldest Titan looked apologetic and ashamed as he glanced around at the mass of police officers, paramedics, and bystanders taking care of the hostages that they'd freed. From where they sat, out of the way, Raven brushed hair from her face, Beast Boy rubbed a sore, possibly sprained ankle, and Kid Flash's shoulders sunk in exhaustion. Cyborg took a look at the three of them.

"Looks like you all had a rough time too?" he asked with a dirty frown, hating that they were basically defeated.

"Yeah, you could say that," Beast Boy muttered with a wince and a few choice grumblings as he flexed his ankle, to see if it would hurt. It did.

"Where's Starfire and Robin?" Raven asked, glancing at Cyborg and then at Kid Flash.

"Got separated from Star, but she checked in saying she was just taking out the last few bots," Cyborg replied. "Haven't heard from Robin, though. KF?"

The three Titans turned to look at Kid Flash. The other glanced up at them, his face not its usual upbeat demeanor, but surly and cold.

"We got separated," was all he said, his voice gruff and stony, eyes narrowing a little, completing the pout. Cyborg lifted an eyebrow, and looked like he wanted to ask something, but chose not to.

"He hasn't checked in though," Raven said, not catching the tense moment between the two. "Maybe we should go looking for him."

"He can take care of himself," Kid Flash said, getting to his feet and marching away at a normal-man's pace, clearly a little pissed. Raven and Beast Boy glanced at each other curiously, the latter just shrugging his shoulders.

Cyborg, though, looked uncertain. He snapped open the flap in his arm that revealed his built-in computer and communicator. He hit the call button, and spoke up.

"Robin. Hey, Robin. Come in, man. You done?"

The speakers came to life, but not with Robin's voice. Instead, a crackling, staticky sound came through. Cyborg frowned deeply.

"Sorry, didn't catch that Robin. What?"

Again, static.

"Guess he's goin' through tunnel?" Beast Boy's voice cracked as he spoke, a shrug jarring his shoulders.

"This doesn't make sense..." Cyborg grumbled. "These receivers are some of the best tech available. The only thing that could be causing static like this..."

"Is if something was jamming his signal..." Raven finished for him, getting to her feet. Her face had grown immensely serious.

Kid Flash's back remained turned, but his ear had long ago cocked to listen.

Cyborg's jaw jutted forward in a furrowed frown as his fingers prodded his arm computer again and again. As the screen changed with new pages and data, the glow illuminating his face changed colors as well. His expression grew more and more dark with every new window.

"That's not right..."

"What is it?" Raven asked, strolling to his side and standing on tiptoe in order to see his screen. Kid Flash turned despite himself, watching the cybernetic teen with vigilant curiosity.

"Robin's locator signal. It's nowhere nearby, but actually about a mile and a half towards the East..."

"Maybe he chased after Slade," Beast Boy spoke up. "You know, like he always does?"

Cyborg shook his head slowly. "I don't think so, man. He would've told us."

"This is ROBIN we're talking about here. He's done it, I dunno, fifty times before?"

"But his communicator is jammed," Raven spoke up quietly. "It's just... not right..."

Kid Flash could feel a bead of sweat trickle past his ear. A shiver passed through his spine, and he looked over his shoulder, towards the door leading into the gigantic facility overshadowing them.

"You don't think Slade got him, do you?" Beast Boy asked, the humor ordinarily hinted in his voice well extinguished.

"...yeah, I do..."

Kid Flash spun with eyes widening, dread strangling his lungs. "What?" he gasped, despite himself.

Cyborg didn't look up. His eyes were wide as he stared down at his screen. "His locator... it just... vanished."

"Nobody's locator just vanishes..."

Kid Flash shook his head, practically feeling the color draining from his face. He looked at the enormous building once more, feeling sick to his stomach, guilt wracking him.

He was supposed to stay with him... he was supposed to...

ARGH! I'm SO STUPID! he screamed at himself, leaping into a sprint. He tore down the expansive hallways, retracing his own steps, following destroyed Sladebots like a lost child follows breadcrumbs. He skidded to a halt, his heels squealing against the linoleum floors. He straightened, and looked around, trying to control his breathing.

This was where they'd parted ways... He had gone down that hallway, while Dick had gone...

Everything in his body went deathly numb.

A huge door sealed off the hallway he knew Dick had gone down. Wally made his way to its side, laying a hand against it, eyes wide with fear.

When had that fallen? Why hadn't he noticed it, or heard it?

He closed his eyes, and let his very molecules vibrate. He reached forwards, stepped forward, his body passing right through the enormous metal door with no difficulty.

When he knew he was clear, he opened his eyes. The corridor before him was little different than the one he'd just left, except there were actually far fewer Sladebots lying on the ground. He stepped forward, looking around.

No... it wasn't that there were fewer Sladebots... He stepped forward, looking at the ground, at the random pieces of robot limbs and parts strewn everywhere. It grew thicker, until he realized he was standing in the middle of a ring of fallen Sladebots, like the eye of a hurricane. The hair on the back of his neck prickled, and he looked around, as though expecting to be attacked.

He understood. This was where Robin had been cornered. There were fewer Sladebots lying destroyed throughout these hallways as a whole, because Robin had been overwhelmed by them, and was defeated before he could defeat all of them.

This was where Slade had gotten him...

Kid Flash cried out in anger and despair, heaving a high-speed kick at the head of one Sladebot, sending it crashing all the way down the hallway and into the huge metal door that shouldn't have been there. This was all his fault! He should've stayed with Dick! He should've gone back to make sure he was okay! If he had seen that the door had closed on him surely he would've...

He looked around, as though searching for something to ease his worry. Some sign that Robin was okay.

As he turned slowly where he stood, his foot hit something, causing a clatter to echo through the long corridor. He lifted his heel, and noticed one of Robin's little birdarangs lying haphazardly on the floor. He knelt and picked it up carefully. He straightened, holding it by its tip. He turned it over.

His heart stopped beating.

Two words greeted him on the other side of the weapon, scratched into its red surface as though with a blade. And beside it, a stylized S. He swallowed hard, his body trembling a little as panic gripped him fully.

Two words...

"He's mine..." he whispered in terror. What the fuck did that mean, he's mine?

Wally let his arm fall limply to his side, staring vacantly out into chamber with stomach twisting and gnarling inside him. His heart ached.

Robin had tore his heart out once that day already... if he got himself killed...

"You fuckin' prick..." he said aloud to the empty room with his eyes closing tight. His fingers wrapped themselves around the birdarang, gripping it shakily. "If you fuckin' die on me, I'll never forgive you..."

 _Or myself..._


	5. Waiting Like A Target

_Wide awake, waiting like a target.  
Listening for things I cannot see.  
Insects flutter up against my window  
I don't like the way they look at me._

 __

* * *

He hated time. He hated how lonely it was, to have so much of it.

Wally raced through the streets of Jump City. To the people around him, he was just a blur, a yellow streak across their busy lives, just a blink, just a moment, and he was there and gone. But to him, he was running as anyone else would, while the world around him was almost completely still. People, cars, birds, the wind, all of it moving at only a snails pace compared to him.

It was this way anytime he ran. He could even stop, and look around him, and it would take the world a moment to slip back into its normal pace. It always felt so slow to him, though, even then. He always felt like he had to keep moving…

He sprinted through the quiet, crawling streets of his world, around the nearly frozen passerbys and between cars that were likely going over the speed limit.

He couldn't shake the terror in his veins, as he searched the area surrounding Robin's last known location. Somehow, he knew…. He knew that Robin was in terrible trouble.

 _Why do you care so much?_ a voice somewhere inside him asked bitterly. _He hurt you. He broke your heart. Why do you care?_

I don't know, he told his thoughts simply. Maybe… maybe it's because he's my friend… more than lover, more than teammate… he's my friend….

In only a matter of minutes to everyone else, Wally had searched almost every nook and cranny of every building in an eight block radius of Robin's last coordinates. Nothing. No sign that Robin had ever been there, at all. Wally skidded to a halt, panting a little, a bead of sweat trickling by his ear making him shiver. He unhooked his Titan communicator from his belt, and flipped it open.

"Nothing…" he said, his breath stolen a little from his voice. "I couldn't find a thing."

"Just keep looking, Kid Flash."

Cyborg's voice sounded more than just serious and troubled. It sounded impatient, unfriendly, almost hostile. Wally shut the communicator before his emotions showed on his face: a grimace of annoyance, and of anger.

 _It's not like this was my fault,_ Wally thought bitterly, his arm twitching with the desire to chuck the communicator as hard as he could against the nearest wall. Instead, he hooked the device back on his waist and glanced around, the world around him back to normal speed.

He stared down the street. A steep hill cut through rows of high rise tenements and offices, charging its way down to the harbor a few miles beyond. Wally could see the lines of piers and shipping warehouses that lined the coast of the industrial district, fuzzy specks in the distance, the brilliant sea sprawled out behind them.

He reached into his pocket, and pulled out Robin's birdarang, the one he'd found back at the research facility. His eyes remained fixed on the sea, but he ran his thumb over the scratched surface of the weapon, and the words leapt to his mind as though he could read them through his skin.

He's mine…

He swallowed hard, glancing down at those gut-wrenching words.

 _This wasn't my fault… right?_

 _  
_

* * *

Robin returned to awareness slowly, his mind a complete haze as he moaned softly against the hard concrete floor. …but why was he on the floor? What happened? He tried to move, his body sluggish and barely responsive to his commands. His arms made slow, languid movements, elbows bending, hands pressing down on the floor to lift his body up, but his muscles seemed to have been robbed of all their strength, and gravity seemed many times heavier than it should have been… He couldn't even lift himself half an inch before crashing back to the ground again. He opened his eyes, blinking through foggy, blurred vision, trying to discern anything in his dim surroundings…

Panic began to instill itself deep within his chest. He was in trouble… Something was definitely not right here... He was completely helpless.

But who…

"Rise and shine, Robin…"

That voice shoved an arrow of dread deep into Robin's chest, filling him and consuming him in a way he rarely ever felt. Adrenaline shot through his veins like heroin, bringing his sluggish limbs back to life. His hands clawed before him, his feet scrambling against the floor, as though they were stuck between getting up to run and crawling away like a cornered bug. In any case, he didn't get very far. A pair of strong hands grabbed him by the back of the collar, lifting him clear up off the floor. He didn't even have a moment to breathe before being slammed face-first into the nearest concrete wall.

"S-Slade…" Robin growled against the wall's hard surface, tasting blood on his lips where the impact had split them. "What do you think you're—URGH!"

Slade grabbed one of Robin's arm tightly in his ruthless grasp, twisting it, wrenching it inwards and upwards behind his back. A screaming pain followed, exploding through Robin's shoulder as the joint there threatened to dislocate. He tried not to cry out, but was unable to hold back as Slade shoved his elbow closer toward his spinal column.

"You lead a very interesting life, don't you, Robin…?" Slade's voice was deep and dangerously soft in Robin's ear. The Boy Wonder could feel the villain's breath on his neck, sending dark, tingling tendrils racing through his spine.

"I-I don't know what you're—" Robin's response was broken again by another cry as Slade wrenched further on his compromised arm, more pain screaming relentlessly in the joint that connected it to the rest of his body.

"Oh…I think you do…"

Robin stared wide-eyed ahead of him, the majority of his vision obscured by the wall, his cheek and temple pressed flat against it. He was fighting not to give in to panic, to keep his breath steady. What was this about…? What was Slade getting at…?

Slade grabbed Robin by the hair, yanking his head backwards and pressing his arm further into his spine, rewarded with another outcry of pain from the Teen Titan.

"Take a look around you, Robin. Does anything look familiar?"

Robin swallowed hard, and peeked through stinging eyes. He couldn't see much, unable to move his head thanks to Slade's grasp. He saw exposed ventilation and neglected, flickering fluorescent lighting in the rafters high above them. He could smell the musty, dusty scent of a place that hadn't been touched in years. There was a faint scent of the nearby harbor, and of factory smoke. The wall before him had layers of graffiti scrawled across it, fully revealing just how dead the place was.

It did feel familiar…

With a rush of disbelief, he understood why. No… it couldn't be…

"You were right, Robin. A secret rendezvous in a place like this is very risky. You never know who might be lurking in the shadows…."

Robin's bloodied lips parted, mouth falling open as his eyes widened in complete horror ahead of him. He lost all ability to breathe. No… there was no way…

"I…. I don't know what you're- AUGH!"

Slade slammed Robin's head back down into the wall, interrupting the Boy Wonder once more as pain rocketed through his skull. Stars obscured his vision a long moment, and he could feel blood trickling down his forehead as the villain pressed closer to him, pinning him to the wall, Robin's arm sandwiched in between.

"The two of you said enough. You know, I honestly had a hard time believing it at first. I never would have thought the infamous Boy Wonder swung that way. But then, your conversation with him in the LexCorp building? Well… that confirmed everything…"

Robin just stared at the wall in stunned silence. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't even think. If he were in a different position, hearing these same words, he was sure he would've hated Wally and his stupidity with everything he had… but the way Slade was pressed against him, the way he was speaking, the sultry hint to his words, the tickle of his breath through his mask… Wally was the last thing on his mind.

"Slade… let me go…" His voice sounded scared, pathetic in his own ears, and he shut his eyes tight, as though in loathing of himself. He didn't think he'd ever used a voice like this before with the villain, or with anyone, for that matter. He was genuinely scared, every part of him crying out with alarm. He wanted to fight, wanted to get away, but he was oddly, horribly frozen. This wasn't right. This really wasn't right. The sense of foreboding clutching him was overwhelming. "Please…."

Slade only chuckled once more, causing Robin to wince as another tremor of fear crashed through his being.

"I don't think so…" Slade murmured softly into his ear. Robin jerked his head away, but was completely unable to avoid that tickling breath. Slade released his grip on the boy's arm, keeping it sandwiched between them as his fingers suddenly roamed Robin's side with gentle, tingling touches, grazing over his hipbone.

Robin's brain fizzled like a lost fuse, his eyes widening to their fullest extent.

"Get your fucking hands off of me!" he screamed, jerking suddenly, trying desperately to wiggle his way out of this lock, to get free, to _fight._ But Slade's hold on him was too strong.

"Why?" the villain hummed ominously. "You like this sort of thing, don't you, Robin? Losing control? _Being_ controlled? Trust me, Little Bird…" The nickname sounded terrible, poisonous on Slade's lips, causing Robin's stomach to twist violently, bringing a harsh flinch to his face. "I can take more control away from you than you can possibly ever imagine…"

Every syllable on Slade's lips only served to strengthen the surmounting terror that clutched him, a terror he'd never known. His body was trembling. It was actually trembling. He tried to hold onto his rage, to keep it on top of the dread that was surging. But understanding, full and complete realization of what was going to happen wrapped itself firmly around his brain, successfully dispelled the last of his anger, allowing true fear to take him away. He cried out despite himself, thrashing hard against Slade's grip. But nothing he did was of any use. His body was still sluggish from the drugs. But he had to fight… he couldn't let this happen… he had to get away… had to stop this…

But Slade only laughed his small, bemused chuckle, grabbing Robin in both hands and heaving him across the floor, the boy skipping and tumbling like a tossed stone before finally sliding to a halt on his side. He rolled onto his front, pushing himself to hands and knees, panting, panicking. A shaking hand fumbled at his side to get his bo staff, or a birdarang… anything… anything to defend himself, to stop this terrible nightmare… but his belt was gone…

 _No… no… dear God no!_

Slade strolled up to him and, before Robin could even react, could even swing an arm in attack or defense, the mercenary forced him back to the ground with a new brand of aggression, pinning him down with his knees as he grabbed his cape, pulling it, the material pulling tight around Robin's neck and robbing him from desperate breath until the cape tore free.

"From now on, Robin…" Slade hummed dangerously, tossing the scrap of fabric aside before leaning in, close, towards the panting boy's ear. One hand clutched his neck while the other slipped beneath the hem of the boy's shirt, gripping it, pulling it roughly up his young, built torso, causing a new rush of cold terror to rob Robin of breath. Slade bent even closer to him, growling hungrily, his gloved hand roughly feeling up Robin's soft skin, making the Boy Wonder clench his eyes as tight as they would go.

"…You're mine…"

* * *

…it hurt…

…everything… just hurt…

There wasn't a single part of his body that wasn't in pain…

He was returning to consciousness despite his every desire never to again. His head pounded furiously, his back alight with a searing fire, coated with blood; his arms and legs numb with a lingering ache…

But all of that was nothing compared to the pain he felt elsewhere…

He lay quietly a long moment, eyes closed, forcing back the groan that had built up in his throat. Was he still there? Slade… was he… was he here, waiting for him to wake up so he could do more?

The emotions built up to the point he couldn't hold them back anymore, a harsh exhale bursting from his chest like a sob, his face screwing up tight against his pain, against the world… against his own memories…

…it couldn't have happened…

But it did… It was over, but it was as vivid in his mind as though it was still happening. He could still see Slade's hungry, lustful eye, piercing his naked body through that mask… could feel his thick fingers tightly clutching his neck, choking him while he…

 _…no…_

After a long moment, he lifted his head slowly, carefully, eyes refusing to focus as he gazed around him. He half expected Slade to saunter out of hiding with a bemused glint to his eye, rested and ready for more… but nothing happened. Nothing came after him… He was alone, lying naked in the enormous abandoned warehouse, with his leggings around his ankles…

His gaze dropped of its own accord, catching sight of something on the floor through his peripheral vision… There, just feet from him, rested his Titans communicator. Disbelief paralyzed him for a moment, before he stretched out a shaking hand, gripping it, pulling it towards him. He could barely breathe as he tilted it towards his face, sliding his thumb between the two halves and flipping it open.

…so he was safe…? …it was over…?

He'd expected the worried face of one of his teammates as the communicator's screen blinked to life.

…But instead, he found himself staring at that terrible, faceless mask…. His heart tore apart, paralyzing his lungs, so frozen with horror that he was unable to even cry out….

"Hello, Robin…" Slade's voice said jovially, maniacally, lone eye glinting with both malice and tenderness as it pierced him through the digital connection. "Hope you slept well… That was quite fun, wasn't it…?"

Robin couldn't respond, couldn't think, couldn't breathe… Slade just chuckled at his pale, terrified appearance.

"I must say, personally, it was the most fun I've had in ages. I look forward to having my way with you again…"

His words swept away into a short, soft rumble of a chuckle that seemed to penetrate the Boy Wonder's chest. The communicator slipped from Robin's clammy, shaking hands, clattering to the floor with the screen tilting towards the ceiling, the light of it casting shadows through the air ducts of the labyrinth above as Robin dropped to the ground. He pressed his face into the ground with a loud cry of anguish.

This was a nightmare! He just had to wake up!

 _Oh god, please let me wake up…. Please… let this end…._

It was a long moment before Robin's shattered brain took note of a change in his surroundings… Slade's voice was gone, and a starkly different voice had taken its place.

"Robin…? Robin! Can you hear me, man?"

…Cyborg… it was Cyborg's voice now…. in the communicator…

He lifted his head, and stared at the communicator with wide eyes, tears wet on his mask.

"What is happening, Cyborg?"

"Robin's communicator, it's back online. I made a connection, but he's not answering…"

"Where is he?"

He dropped back to the ground, curling into himself, his hands over his head, trembling with a newfound intensity, his stomach threatening to hurl up everything. He couldn't bear to hear their voices now, of all times… with him lying there so exposed… He choked back a sob, reaching out with his bare, wavering hand, taking the communicator and slamming the two halves back together once more, shutting down the connection, silencing the voices.

And then, it finally happened… he cracked. The dam of his emotions ruptured and caved, and his anguish poured forth, overwhelming him entirely. Fresh tears made their merry way down his pale face; tremulous sobs wracked his weak, battered body. He curled up into himself, into a fetal position, despite the pain it caused him.

…he just wanted to die… right there…

…why…? …why this…? …why him…?

"Oh, God, why…?" he choked with his eyes screwed shut. Then, he found himself screaming, at the top of his lungs, " _WHY?"_

* * *

"The connection just cut out again…"

" _Where is he?_ "

Cyborg's gaze met his as Wally repeated his words more ardently. The others looked between them, able to sense a silent conversation happening between the two Titans, but no one commented. Cyborg tore his gaze away, turning back to the computer built into the surface of his arm.

"I can figure out where the connection came from… if I just triangulate the signals and…"

Kid Flash hovered by Cyborg's shoulder, staring down at the screen with pure impatience and anxiety. It'd been hours since Robin had vanished, and all his high-speed searching hadn't brought up a trace of what could have happened to him.

But now, his communicator was back online…?

The map on Cyborg's computer screen scrolled and zoomed, focusing down on a satellite map, a blinking white beacon flashing gratefully upon the screen.

"Got it!" Cyborg said with a triumphant lift. Kid Flash leaned in to get a better look.

His heart stopped beating for a long moment, eyes widening as the color drained from his face.

"It can't be…"

"What?" Raven asked, but Kid Flash was already gone, sprinting at high speed down the freeway and through the industrial district.

 _Stupid stupid stupid STUPID STUPID!_ Wally thought with every step, panic strangling his insides.

Before anyone else in the world had the chance to blink, Kid Flash found himself in the shadow of the familiar abandoned warehouse. The sky above was red with the dying sun, staining the buildings and the world the terrible tint of blood. He remained rooted to the spot for a long moment as he stared up at the enormous letters clearly spelling out "Pier 3" through the scrawling, dripping paint of graffiti upon the old walls. He felt blank, lost.

If this really was where Robin had ended up… then that could only mean one thing…

He swallowed, and heaved the heavy iron door open, the chain that once served to lock it shut scraping across the concrete sidewalk behind it. The rosy light of the sunset poured into the dark warehouse, cast across its bare floor like a path of fire in a dead world. Wally stepped cautiously inside at a normal man's pace, his heart racing so fast he was afraid it would tear apart at the seams.

He wanted to shout his name. He wanted to find him quickly. But if the Titan leader was truly at Slade's mercy, then it was possible that even the opening of the door could mean the end of his life.

His fingers still held firmly to the vandalized red Birdarang. _He's mine…_ what did that mean…? What could Slade be….

He knew whatever had happened, whatever was happening, standing there wondering about it was doing nothing. He kicked into speed, charging around the enormous abandoned building. He shot around support beams and discarded shipping containers, vigilant eyes straining to discern anything in the darkness.

His foot brushed over something. He skidded to a halt, nearly colliding with a stack of enormous wooden crates. He turned on his heel, peering back through the dim lighting.

"No…"

His heart was skipping beats as he strode forward. He reached down, his trembling fingers snatching hold of a piece of thick dark fabric cast haphazardly on the ground. It was lighter than it looked, soft, its yellow lining shimmering gold in the pale light that shone from the one flickering bulb above him.

Robin's cape…

Wally swallowed hard, glancing up and looking frantically around him. He stood in a relatively clear area of the warehouse, as though the boxes and shipping containers that should have been there had wandered off into the night. As his knuckles tightened on the piece of fabric, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck prickle. Eyes cast around more fervently, more fearfully. He felt truly vulnerable, like an injured creature that could only lie in wait for its predator to take it.

 _Please, Dick… where are you…?_

Then, suddenly, he heard something. It was barely noticeable, but he caught it nonetheless. A shudder of a breath in the emptiness. He turned his head toward it, eyes wide, trying to adjust to the darkness.

And then, he saw him.

The cape slipped from Wally's fingers, landing softly at his feet. His blood ran cold with dread, his breath catching painfully in his chest, eyes rounding to full circumference. He wavered, he knees going weak and threatening to fold beneath him as he stared down at the boy before him.

Robin was collapsed on the ground, curled into a tight fetal position. His hands gripped his head, his whole being shaking. Naked… he was completely naked, save for the green leggings that remained bunched around his ankles, and the thin black mask still glued to his face. Bruises and scratches covered his arms and legs.

But on his back…

"Oh, God…"

It was unmistakable: a stylized letter "S", the same one that had been left on that Birdarang, had been carved deep into Robin's back. Blood poured from the cuts in thick streams, pooling on the floor around him.

The cuts… the bruises… his bare skin… his shaking form….

It didn't take a genius to know what had happened…

Wally's feet tripped each other up as he stumbled hurriedly forward, his mind-body movements totally shot from the panic that gripped him firmly. He dropped to his knees beside the dark-haired boy, shaking hands reaching out.

"Robin!" he gasped. "Oh, God, Robin, are you—"

He suddenly found himself hurtled backwards, the breath knocked out of him. He landed hard on his back with his eyes staring dumbly up at the industrial ceiling. Coughs racked his chest as his paralyzed lungs fought for control again, but it was a long moment before he was able to sit up again.

Robin was on his hands and knees, one arm outstretched still from the strike. His head hung loose from his neck, completely hidden in shadow. Wally blinked in confusion. "Robin, what-?"

"Don't… touch me…."

The words came out thickly, through harsh, labored breaths. Wally got slowly to his feet, bewilderment mixing with concern.

"Robin, please, I just want to help you."

He could see Dick's eyes glinting poisonously towards him.

"…You've already helped enough…"

Wally's stomach twisted with guilt and despair. It was his fault… all of his was his fault… He couldn't move, couldn't even breathe, just staring blankly as Dick struggled to pull his leggings back up one-handed, the other one still barely supporting him against the floor.

Wally had seen Dick's bare skin before… many times… but he had _never_ seen him like this. So vulnerable, so naked, on a truly disturbing level…

"Please, Robin…" the red headed boy whispered desperately, taking a solitary step towards the fallen leader. "You… you're going to bleed to death…"

The dark-haired teen gave up on his efforts, his shoulders hunching, his head turning from Wally indignantly.

"I don't care… just stay the hell away from me."

The breath abandoned the speedster's lungs again as every possible emotion seized him ruthlessly. _Didn't care… if he bled to death…?_

…this was his fault…. He had caused this. His stupid recklessness had allowed this to happen. Robin had been forced into the worst kind of hell, all because of him…

Robin's arms gave out on him, the blood loss already becoming too much, and he collapsed to the ground. Wally tensed in preparation to run to his side, but restrained himself. No… Dick wanted him to stay away… but… he had to do something…

His fingers fumbled at his side for his communicator. He opened it with eyes firmly focused on Robin. "Cyborg…" he murmured in a hushed, quiet voice. "I found him…"

"What happened? Is he okay?"

Dick's masked gaze connected with his, creating a lump in Wally's throat that robbed him of speech. He'd never seen Dick look at him like that… as though he was purely, utterly, permanently defeated….

"Kid Flash?"

Wally shook his head listlessly. "He's not in good shape…" he croaked through his constricted throat.

"Get him back here."

"…he won't let me near him…." He couldn't hide the hurt and guilt in his voice. Cyborg's face stared through the connection, stony and resolute, a flash of suspicion in his human eye.

"Okay, we're on our way. Just… do you know what Slade did to him?"

Wally looked up at Dick, at his thin, shivering body lying sprawled and exposed on the cold, bare gray floor… legs bowed, ankles strapped together with his leggings… his whole back, from shoulders to the juncture of his legs, completely drenched in the blood still flowing freely from his open wounds… arms lying limply beside his head… Wally swallowed hard as he noticed the intense bruising around Dick's neck… as though he had been…

 _Oh god… why…?_

Their gazes connected again. This time, Robin's eyes seemed to be pleading with him… _don't tell them… please don't say it…_

Wally couldn't… he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. In the end, all he could do was shake his head back and forth dismally.

"We'll be there soon. Robin, just hang on…"

Wally let Cyborg's concerned words ring through the room into silence before closing the communicator and dropping his arms to his sides. He watched Dick's eyes close weakly, listened to the boy's pained, ragged breathing.

…he had to do something….

He glanced beside him. Just inches from his feet lay the tattered black cape. Wally bent and picked it up, then glanced at Dick. He strode gently to his side, shaking the cape to spread it fully before guiding it to rest over the Boy Wonder's exposed figure. Upon feeling this, Robin's eyes snapped open to glare up at him, but Wally was already backing away again, putting a good yard's distance between them before sitting himself upon the ground, cross-legged. He held Dick's gaze with a hint of determination flashing in his blue eyes.

 _You don't want me near you… but that doesn't mean I'm not here for you…_

He remained like that, simply watching over Robin as he waited for the others to arrive, tears warping his field of vision. He didn't say a word. He couldn't. There was nothing he could say. Nothing that could ever make this right…

 _This is all my fault…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what happens when you give Melimsah an adorable pairing. She turns it completely on its heels and defiles it. -_- I'm like the Emperor who could turn anything to gold, only I turn everything to angst. ...um...it's a gift? XD


	6. Because I Was Stupid

_So just be gentle with me  
(And if I am ever mean)  
And i'll be gentle with you  
(I never mean to be mean)_

 __

* * *

It was nothing they hadn't seen before. They'd all been heroes long enough, been in the real world long enough, to recognize what Slade had done. In that sense, none of them could really be considered children anymore. They had seen this so many times.

But this was different. This wasn't just anyone. This was one of them. This was _Robin._

This was Robin.

Beast Boy could not shake that thought from his head. It lingered like a gnat in the back of his mind from the moment they hurried in to the dilapidated warehouse, from the moment his eyes first fell on Robin's curled up form. From the moment the realization clicked of what had happened. And this was Robin.

As they loaded the half-conscious teen into Cyborg's car, trying to reassure him with false words while awkwardly avoiding one another's gaze, Beast Boy grew more uneasy.

 _This was Robin…_ he told himself silently, transforming into a bird and chasing after the T-car as it sped through the darkened city.

What did it matter which one of them it was, he wondered. If it had been any of the others, he would have the same sick, disgusted, hatefilled sensation in his gut, wouldn't he? So why did this feel different? Significant, even?

The whole way back to the tower, the wind whipping in his face as he flew, he couldn't figure it out. It plagued him even as he settled into the room adjoining the main hospital wing, sliding to the floor with a graceless thud as Cyborg and Raven took Robin into the other room to address his injuries. Beast Boy stared at the door blankly, watching shadows weave in and out of the window frame.

This was Robin.

He felt sick. He felt angry. He wished he could do something, anything, to right this. But even he knew that that was a bit foolish, and probably impossible. Nothing anyone could do would change anything now. You can't undo the past…

But out of everything that had ever happened, to any of them, to the world, why did _this_ scratch at his brain so badly?

Maybe it was that this was something no one had anticipated Slade every doing. It was just… sick. He knew Slade was capable of many terrible things - manipulation, deception, destruction, blackmail, torture, murder - but he doubted any of them ever considered that Slade was capable of something so primal. So truly evil…

And he did it to Robin…

He shifted uneasily, tearing his eyes from the door to quietly look around the room. Starfire sat in a chair beside the door, restless, brooding, arms crossed like they would attempt to strangle something if they weren't trapped around each other. That was understandable – someone had done unspeakable things to her boyfriend. In fact, Beast Boy was shocked she hadn't lost it already. His eyes continued their journey, glancing at the redheaded boy seated on the floor across from him. Where Starfire was a barely-contained torment of anger, ready to explode at any moment, Kid Flash appeared to be the perfect counterweight, a heavy lump of despair and remorse, hugging his knees to his chest and hanging his head so his striking red hair hid his eyes.

Beast Boy watched him a long moment. The speedster's reaction felt so out of place, and it took him a moment to understand why Kid Flash was reacting so badly to this. It couldn't just have been the shock of finding Robin like that. But slowly he pieced it together - Kid Flash and Robin had been friends long before any of the rest of them. As the young sidekicks to great superheroes, they had bonded, befriended each other. It was because of this friendship Kid Flash had even visited them in the first place.

To find your best friend like this…

A terrible thought struck the changeling, and he groaned involuntarily, curling up tighter into himself with his stomach clenching.

What if he'd found Terra like this… what if Slade had…

Claws dug their way into his heart, his eyes burning a little with angry tears. He fought to bury away the disgusting idea, glancing around at the others once more. As his burst of rage subsided and his breathing returned to normal, Beast Boy found himself trying to picture Starfire in Robin's place. Tried to picture what it would be like to find her like that.

He found himself unable to picture it at all.

He glanced at Kid Flash. Again, he fought to imagine it, and again it was lost on him. He thought of Cyborg, or even Raven. Or himself. He just couldn't picture this ever happening to them…

And that's when understanding finally caught hold of him.

He understood why it shook him so much that this was _Robin._ It was because in the back of his mind had always lurked the understanding that unlike the rest of them, Robin really was only human. He had no powers. No superhuman strength, no sonic cannons, no telekinesis, no fangs. He was just a normal boy. Skillful, yes. Cunning, yes. But still, just a teenager.

And he suddenly found himself unable to believe that something like this hadn't happened to the Boy Wonder sooner….

Just that thought alone caused the changeling to wince with guilt and lean over his legs a bit. So much of the world as he knew it seemed shattered. Even though Robin didn't have powers, Beast Boy had always seen him as even more untouchable as any of the others. No true weaknesses, nothing he couldn't overcome. Beast Boy recalled how he practically worshipped Robin in the beginning, looked up to him like a rock star. He'd followed his leadership so thoughtlessly, so blindly, so without question.

But now…

Robin wasn't just a hero anymore. He was also a victim.

Beast Boy glanced at the door again. He wondered how this could have happened. What could've compelled Slade to do such a terrible thing? And why now? Why this late in the game? Why hadn't he done something this sick back when Robin was his apprentice? Was it because he was running out of things to do to drive him crazy? Or had something changed in villain after his time working for Trigon…?

He dropped his head backwards, wincing as it connected to the wall behind him. His head hurt. This was why he usually didn't think so much.

He closed his eyes and sighed. Why did this have to happen? Why Robin? Why _now_?

He wondered if he would ever know…

* * *

In the next room, a pair of blood stained hands glowed magically, pressing against the deep wounds in Robin's back and encouraging them to clot and heal. Raven winced as she concentrated, her brow furrowing as she fought to maintain the level of focus and control she needed to do what she needed to do.

But it was hard. So hard. As her powers connected her mind to Robin's weak and injured body, it allowed a bombardment of emotions and memories to pass through. She tried to ignore them, but they grew stronger with every passing second, causing her stomach to twist and gnarl.

 _Threatening words in a familiar voice… the touch of rough hands… clothes being torn violently away… the pain… the harsh, rhythmic movements… guttural, animalistic sounds… hands groping, strangling… and that deep, terrible pain…_

A deep voice spoke her name. A hand gripped her shoulder. Without thinking she reacted, gasping, a pulse of power breaking loose and rolling through the air, shattering lightbulbs and glassware throughout the room.

Cyborg shouted as he stumbled backwards, colliding into the foot of the next bed and hurtling over it, landing with a solid thud to the floor behind. Horror seized the dark girl as she leapt up, her legs shaking beneath her as she hurried forward."

"Cyborg!"

"I'm fine, I'm fine… don't worry bout it," the mechanical teen murmured as he righted himself, groaning a little as he clasped his shoulder. Raven gasped at the circuitry there, turned black by a spiderweb of cracks. Raven opened her mouth to apologize, but Cyborg looked at her sternly. "Really, don't worry about it. It's nothing that can't be fixed."

She nodded, watching him silently as he rose to his feet. He dusted himself off, and threw her another pointed look. "Are you okay?"

A long, numb moment passed before she understood why he would ask her that. She hadn't noticed how badly she was shaking, how cold and wet her cheeks felt beneath quiet tears. How pale she must look. She swallowed down the sour taste in her mouth, and nodded, glancing back at the boy lying unconscious on the bed. His back was completely coated in blood, but the cuts no longer bled, scabbed over thanks to her help.

 _But it will scar_ , she thought dully, unable to hide the emotions from her face. _Slade's calling card will be etched there forever… a perpetual reminder of…_

"He'll be okay," Cyborg said to her, his voice low, as though to keep the Boy Wonder from overhearing. "He'll be alright."

Raven didn't respond. There was doubt laced in his voice. Buried, but she could hear it.

She wandered quietly to a nearby chair, her knees a little weak as she settled down on it. She glanced down at her red-coated hands, and her hair fluttered as a surge of energy raced over her skin, picking off the blood and disintegrating it into nothing, leaving her hands clean. She could feel Cyborg's mismatched eyes watching her, and she purposefully avoided his gaze.

He wanted to know what she had seen. He wanted to know but didn't want to ask, and she didn't want to answer. And even now, even with the connection between her and Robin broken, she could still see so much of what had happened, like the lingering flash of light in her eyes. The horrible things Slade had done… but also something else… someone else.

"Cyborg…" she murmured darkly. "I think Kid Flash has something to do with this…"

There was silence, and she glanced over at him, to find him glowering at the fallen Titan with something like bitterness. After a long moment, he spoke, his voice thick with animosity.

"I know…"

* * *

The automatic doors opened. Kid Flash was on his feet before the hydraulics were done hissing, his heart pounding obnoxiously hard in his throat as the large cybernetic Titan walked into the room. Cyborg's chocolate face looked around the room, and his eyes lingered unnaturally long on the speedster, making his skin crawl and his mind leap to every terrible conclusion.

 _He's dead… he didn't make it and it's entirely your fault…_

"How is he?" Starfire asked with great concern as she got to her own feet, Beast Boy following suit behind her.

"Physically, he'll heal. Apart from the lacerations on his back he's only got cuts and bruises. Nothing broken."

 _Says you_ , Wally thought with a wave of remorse.

"Okay, so his injuries will heal," Beast Boy murmured darkly, his face stony and cold, so unlike him. "But what about…"

The question hung in the air, completed only in each of their minds. The tension was unbearable, and Kid Flash found himself tensing against it, as though begging it to leave him alone.

After a long while, Cyborg shook his head. "I don't know. Only time will tell."

 _Only time will tell… God, I hate that expression…_

"It's been a long night," the robotic teen grumbled, looking around at their tired, worried faces. "Why don't you guys get some sleep."

Beast Boy yawned in response, while Starfire openly ignored the invitation and brushed by Cyborg, disappearing into the room beyond. Kid Flash wavered on the spot, uncertain what to do. He glanced up unwittingly, and found his gaze connecting to the older teen's, who seemed to grow twice as tall and twice and menacing.

"Kid Flash. Come with me. I have some questions for you."

A nervous lump formed in Wally's throat, and he glanced at Beast Boy pleadingly, but the green Titan was already heading out the door, stretching and yawning again as he headed for bed. The redhead swallowed hard, avoiding Cyborg's focused gaze.

"Yeah… sure. Okay."

He followed Cyborg's heavy footsteps out of the hospital wing, feeling on edge as they traversed the tower, heading toward Cyborg's workshop. He stood at stoic attention as Cyborg closed the door, then turned on him.

"What do you know about this, Kid Flash? I know you know something."

Wally continued to avoid his gaze, staring at his feet. His guilt was returning tenfold, his stomach twisting painfully. He blinked, his eyes stinging, but tears were a long way off. He took a deep breath.

"You're right… this… it's my fault. This is all my fault."

He recounted the whole story, everything: about him and Robin, how he'd been stupid enough to try to tempt Robin in the middle of the abandoned warehouse. He told him about the fight in LexCorp. He told him about what Robin had said as he lay bleeding to death. Cyborg didn't interrupt except to ask for clarification, and his face grew more and more indignant with every sentence the scrawny teen spoke. Finally, Kid Flash ran out of words to say, and the room fell into uneasy silence. He hung his head and hunched his shoulders, like a dog who had left a present on the carpet and knew he was facing a yelling human and a cold night outside.

But Cyborg didn't yell. Worse than that, his voice was low and dangerous.

"I think you should leave."

Kid Flash looked up despite himself, feeling the color draining from his face. He had expected as much, but now that it was becoming reality, it stung like hell. He didn't want to leave the Tower. Didn't want to leave the Titans. …Didn't want to leave Robin.

A sigh whispered through his lungs. None of that mattered. This was his fault, and honestly, he knew he was getting off light. He nodded with resignation.

"I think you're right."

"Then pack up and go. Now. I don't want to see you here again."

Kid Flash nodded, but didn't move. He reached quietly into his pocket, and pulled out a familiar yellow communicator. He stared at it numbly. A stupid, strange stinging in his eyes blurred his vision a little. "Wh-what should I…?"

"Keep it."

He looked up, shocked. Cyborg's expression hadn't changed at all. "You're still a hero in your own right. I am certainly not going to deny you the help of the Titans if you should ever need it. But consider your membership as an Honorary Titan in dispute until further notice."

"So I'm kind of like a Dishonorary Titan…"

No humor lit up in Cyborg's face. "We could go with that, sure."

Wally rubbed his thumb over the dark T on the surface of his communicator, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I sorry that I…" He swallowed hard, unable to string together what he wanted to say. "Just… thanks. Y'know… for letting me a part of the team. I'm sorry I fucked it up so bad." He swallowed hard. "And… tell him I'm sorry…"

"I will."

Kid Flash knew he couldn't stall any longer. His time in the Tower had expired. He pocketed his communicator and gave the large Titan a formal salute, then took off before Cyborg even had a chance to blink.

* * *


	7. Peaches Off A Cherry Tree

_'Cause I want to pick peaches off a cherry tree  
Just be gentle, be gentle, be gentle,  
Be gentle with me_

 __

* * *

Four days.

Wally West rolled over on his bed with a moan, flopping his arm over his eyes. The darkness of the room pressed in. Every little sound - the ticking of the clock in the hall, a passing motorist outside, the hum off crickets by his window – each seemed to personally mock him as he lay there, grappling desperately for sleep he knew would not come. He groaned again, as he had so many times, flopping over. His mattress felt so uncomfortable. He'd grown so accustomed to the ones in Titans tower that this one just felt lumpy and hard…

He let his arm hang over the edge of the bed, staring past it at the bare floor below. Perhaps it wasn't the mattress. Of course it wasn't the mattress. It was his own thoughts.

Dick…

He groaned, clamping his eyes tight and pressing a hand to his face, rubbing it vigorously. It'd been four days since he had left the Tower, left Jump City, and returned to his own town, but mentally, he was still there. Everything that had happened… it was all he could think about. _He_ was all he could think about.

 _It's all so stupid_ , he thought, his face twisting with a sour expression before he buried it furiously into his pillow. All of it was just stupid. Everything. Every memory that decided to pop up in his head – the way Robin looked when he lay bleeding in that warehouse… Cyborg muttering that he should leave… the touch of skin against skin… that sparkle in his eye when…

He growled and brought his fist down into the pillow. This was so STUPID! It hadn't been anything. They were just… had just been… just friends. Friends with benefits. Stupid fuck buddies, that was all. Nothing more than that. Yeah, absolutely nothing more…

He choked on an inhale and lurched upright, coughing and gagging. He reached out a hand to support himself, but where the mattress should be was empty air, and he hit the ground hard, sputtering and fighting to disentangle himself from his sheets.

After a long moment, his coughing receding and his legs even more tangled up in his linens, he gave up, flopping down on the cold wooden floor with a thud. He took in a long breath, then let it out, staring at the ceiling above him blankly.

This really was so stupid. Why should he care? Sure, they had been friends for a long time, and as such he definitely was allowed to feel awful about what Slade had done, and feel guilty for helping it happen. But all that other stuff… Why did he focus on all of _that_ so much? Why did he miss him so much? They'd gone _years_ not seeing each other. Why should it be so different now? It wasn't like he really… you know… _like-liked_ him… right?

Right?

* * *

The Tower was quiet and still. The others were gone, summoned by trouble in the city. So far, whenever trouble had struck, only three had gone and one had stayed to keep an eye on Robin's recovery, but this time, it seemed the trouble was bad enough to need all of them.

…it wasn't Slade, though. They had assured him of that.

He strolled quietly through the echoing walkways, running his gloved fingers over the metal walls and doors. It was the first time he'd been able to leave the hospital wing since it happened. It had only been five days, but it had felt like weeks, cooped up with everyone shooting knowing, pitying looks at him, but obviously trying hard not to. Now that no one was watching him, he gritted his teeth, and clasped his hands into fists.

If there was one thing he could not stand, it was being looked at like that. Treated that way. In it a way, their sideways looks and low voices just served to validate what he did. Made the memory of it linger when all he wanted to do was forget about it.

Although, really, as far as he was concerned, it was just another defeat. Just another time of being beaten nearly to death. It'd happened to him before. This was no different. The way he felt was no different than all of those other times. Just the same frustrations, the same desire to overcome it, to prove that he wasn't weak.

That was it. No need to make it a bigger deal than that.

He kept his pace steady as he continued forward, walking with a bit of a purpose, his cape fluttering lazily behind him. His pace only slowed once, as he passed a familiar door. The guest quarters. His eyes narrowed as he quickened his pace to put it behind him, because that was where he had…

He journeyed down the stairs, until he found himself standing in the middle of the huge gymnasium that took up an entire floor of the massive tower. He glanced around at the many exercise machines and tools, the barbells and the obstacle courses. His eyes immediately hooked onto the various punching bags in one corner, and he made his way toward them, stretching his arms and shoulders along the way, wincing at the pain shooting through his back.

They hadn't let him do so much as a pushup since he landed in the hospital wing. How was he supposed to be a hero if they didn't let him keep up his game?

He walked through the motions, performing routines and maneuvers for each of the many different fighting styles he knew, smacking and kicking the punching bags with everything he had, as though he had grown addicted to the thudding sounds that echoed through the chamber and only by hitting it harder could he get his fix. He shouted battle cries. He imagined the bags were shadowy figures and he had to stop them. He sweated and grinned, gladly taking out all his frustrations on the cracked leather.

He wasn't weak. He wasn't helpless. He wasn't vulnerable.

After what only felt like fifteen minutes, but had actually been well over an hour, he backed down, panting and bending over his legs, sweat dripping to the floor between his feet. He smirked to himself as he noticed bits of stuffing from the bags littering the ground around him.

After a few moments, when his breathing was more or less back under control, he straightened upright. Immediately a surprised cry escaped him as his back screamed in pain, causing him to bend double again. He stumbled despite himself, slamming against the wall, fighting to remain standing. Grunts and groans couldn't be repressed as he followed the wall around, pressing against it with one hand as he moved to where a line of mirrors stood floor-to-ceiling, mimicking the entire room and his own pained expression. With great difficulty, he managed to peel off his shirt and cape all at once, which he realized wasn't soaked with sweat, but with blood. He turned toward the mirror to look at the damage.

He immediately flinched away with another jolt of pain, his stomach wrenching and twisting below his ribs.

It wasn't the sight of the injuries or the blood, that got him, and it wasn't like he didn't know the cuts were there – he had been conscious when they were created, after all. But he hadn't known that they looked like that… made that shape…

He was trembling a little. He blamed the pain, or the exhaustion of exercising after so many days of rest. Closing his eyes, he took a few deep breaths, calming down the strange nerves that had come alive so suddenly. When he felt they were at bay, he glanced over his shoulder again, taking a better look at his reopened wounds.

It wasn't so bad. It looked like he'd split open the two long lacerations that comprised the bottom loop of the S, and they were bleeding pretty viciously. He couldn't tell if they would eventually stop on their own. He straightened carefully, checking to see if he could, still. The pain was dull enough now – it looked like it was the quick movement that had caused the rupture. With a sigh of annoyance, he bent slowly over, grabbing a towel.

"I thought Raven healed those."

Robin snapped his head up hard, glancing through the mirror at the figure behind him with a spasm of disbelief, followed almost immediately by bitter animosity.

"She can only do so much. Even she has her limits." Robin turned to look him full-on, face stony and stern, as though challenging him. "What are you doing here, Kid Flash? Cyborg told you to leave."

"He did. …and I did."

There was hesitation in his voice, and he looked away, glancing at his feet, shifting his weight, and then looking up again. Looking up through his mask with those blue eyes repeating the same look the others had used so much the past few days. That look that Robin had grown to hate.

"Get out," he snarled angrily, striding past him, not allowing any of his pain affect his composure. He stormed toward the door.

"Is that seriously all you have to say?"

Robin found himself stalling to a halt. He said nothing, staring at the floor numbly, his heart pounding in his chest and throat while the pain throughout his body rose in a crescendo. The air felt solid around him. Not cold, not hot, just inexorably _there,_ between him and the other boy.

"I want you to be mad at me. I want you to say something. I just… I just want to know more than anything that you'll be okay."

 _Shut up_ , he wanted to say. _Just shut up and leave me alone. Let me be. Let me get over all this._ But he still couldn't talk.

The redheaded teen turned to look at him. "I'm sorry. Please, Dick, I'm so sorry."

Something snapped. Robin found himself turning, found himself covering the distance between the two of them, found himself seizing the yellow-clad hero by the throat and forcing him to the floor. A terrible grimace split his face, his whole body tremoring, caught between fury and panic. His face felt hot, and the pain only fueled his aggression as he dug his nails into Kid Flash's skin.

"Don't. Call. Me. That," he hissed through clenched teeth. Blue eyes stared up at him in horror, mouth gasping for breath. He slammed his head down on the floor, voice rising. "Don't you _ever_ call me that again! That name, that person, he doesn't exist here. He's still in Gotham, still with Bruce. He's not here. It's only Robin. Got that? _ROBIN!"_ He screamed the word at the top of his lungs, causing it to ring through the cavernous room.

Then, everything fell silent. Those stark blue eyes barely blinked as they stared up at him, horrified and hurt. Robin grew acutely aware of the cold bite of air against his sweat and blood drenched torso, of the feeling of Kid Flash's body beneath him. How close their faces were.

And for one tantalizing, peaceful moment, the massive weight on his shoulders seemed to evaporate completely… It felt suddenly like all those times before, all those moments where it didn't seem to matter… nothing seemed to matter.

But no sooner had he even noticed it, it was gone. All those terrible feelings, the memories, the reality of the world suddenly returned in earnest, crashing upon his body like a tidal wave. He recoiled from those blue eyes, tumbling off of Kid Flash and staggering a distance away, panting, almost panicking. He sat on his heels with his back to the other teen, hunching his shoulders and hissing soft curses to himself. He smeared a hand down his face. Fuck, was he crying? Or was that just sweat stinging in his eyes?

"Robin…"

"Just get out. Please, just go."

There was no sound, no hint that Kid Flash had moved. Robin twisted his head a little, and saw that canary yellow suit out of the corner of his eye. He grimaced, the nails of one hand clawing into his own knee.

"Robin, come on." With a blink, Kid Flash was standing closer to him – not directly beside him, but close enough. His voice was soft and careful. "You're bleeding. Let me just bandage you up. It'll only take a second."

Suddenly, Kid Flash vanished and quickly returned, holding up the first aid kit that hung out in the gym. "…Literally."

The Boy Wonder growled a little under his breath. Such a thick-headed stupid... why wouldn't he leave…?

Kid Flash stepped back, and stretched his arms out wide. "Just… stand like that. And I'll…"

A frustrated groan leapt from Robin's throat, but finally he achingly forced himself to his feet. Whatever… at least he wouldn't have to explain to his friends that he had reinjured himself exercising. They had told him to take it easy. He sighed, and held his arms out.

It was literally a second. Kid Flash applied the gauze and wrapped the bandages completely around Robin's torso. Snug, to help stem the bloodflow and encourage it to clot back up.

He paused, tying a small knot to secure it at the small of Robin's back. Robin glanced up, and saw the two of them standing there in the mirror's reflection. Wally glanced over his shoulder, and their gazes met.

Blood rose to his cheeks in a furious blush, and he elbowed Kid Flash hard, sending him stumbling back.

"You're done. Get out."

Robin watched through the mirror as Kid Flash stood up straight behind him, a kind of determination to his stance. But his face appeared uncertain, his eyes wavering with the thoughts behind those crystal blue orbs.

"Robin, I…"

The broken sentence hung in the air. Their gazes held one another through the reflection. Robin felt a strange burbling feeling in his stomach, and words regurgitated from his lips before he could stop them.

"What?" He turned, and bore down on the speedster, who took a frightened step back. "What do you want? Why won't you leave me alone?"

Kid Flash opened his mouth to speak, but no sound came out. He blinked a little too often, and a strange color twinged his face. Robin shook his head."What, are you here to beg for forgiveness? Are you here to find some kind of favor? Are you here to, what, confess your undying love or something?"

Kid Flash's eyes grew wide, and his face went white. He shifted from foot to foot, suddenly avoiding the Boy Wonder's gaze.

"…something… kinda like that, yeah."

A strained, stunned silence ripped through the room. The Titan leader was stunned stupid, gaping at Wally, feeling like his brain had been knocked out of his skull with a baseball bat. This didn't make any sense. He'd only said that out of jest – it wasn't supposed to be true. They had done all of those things, but that hadn't meant… that didn't mean… it wasn't supposed to…

He was shaking his head incredulously, a scoffing hiss escaping his mouth as he glanced away. "Son of a bitch…"

"Look, I—"

"Why don't you get it through your thick skull, Wally?" His voice was low, dangerous. It would have made Batman proud. "It was a mistake. All of it. The kisses. The lies. The _sex._ " The word tasted like dirt in his mouth as he said it. "All of it was one big stupid mistake. And what did you think would happen? You'd come here, confess to me, and that it would all be sunshine and happy gay rainbows for you again? Forget it! It's never going to happen.

"Di—Robin. Please, just-"

Wally charged forward, looking almost desperate as he grabbed Robin's arm. The dark-haired teen swung his arm, but the speedster ducked his blow easily. The next thing Robin new, he felt the familiar tingle of lips against his own. It happened just a moment, and by the time his mind registered what was going on and his body moved to defend himself accordingly, Wally had already backed away, leaving Dick leaning over with his face growing red and swiping a hand over his mouth.

"Goddamnit, Wally—"

"I just wanted one more. Th-that's all. I just… I just wanted to…"

The sentence broke off abruptly. Those blue eyes suddenly looked right past the Boy Wonder, and Robin could practically see the color melting from his face.

It was then that Robin felt the hairs on the back of his own neck prickle.

Someone else was there.

He turned slowly, ice rushing through his veins long before his eyes fell on her. He already knew who it was.

"…Starfire…"

* * *

Common sense screamed at him to run. His mind exploded into a numbing torrent of obscenities. He could barely breathe, and definitely couldn't move, those glowing green eyes boring into him from the doorway.

And he knew, without a doubt he knew: he had officially crossed the boundary line from garden variety idiocy into total and complete stupidity.

He looked toward the masked hero, watched the way his body seized up upon seeing here there. A cornered mouse, nowhere to run.

"How long have you been standing there…?" Robin began in a whisper. Starfire began to storm forward, and panic drove into the boy's masked gaze. He stepped forward, pleadingly. "Starfire. Please. I—"

There was a loud smacking sound that made Wally wince, his stomach leaping to his throat. The force of the blow sent Robin hurtling to his side, hitting the ground and rolling to a stop. He pushed himself shakingly to his knees, curling over them and grasping his face with a harsh groan, hanging his head as blood dribbled through his fingers.

White panic tore through Wally's head, silencing his common sense. He sprinted forward at super speed. Oh god, had she broken his jaw? Was he really injured?

The whole time a voice at the back of his head had begun a boisterous chant. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

"Dick!" he gasped, standing over the hunched Titan. "Holy crap, are you—"

Robin lifted his head and looked right at him. Black masked eyes were wide with a new brand of panic, flicking from Wally toward Starfire.

"Shut up, you idiot," he hissed frenziedly "Shut the fuck up!"

Kid Flash froze, mouth hanging open. He had never heard Robin speak like that, look so completely petrified like that.

"Dick…?" Starfire's voice was low, and where Kid Flash expected to hear anger, he only heard incredible remorse. He looked over at her, confusion seizing him. She only stared at Robin, her shoulders drooping and her head turning from him.

"That is your true name, isn't it, Robin?"

The confusion transformed to disbelief as he got it. His eyes widened and he snapped his head around in time to see Robin close his eyes and hang his head in defeat.

 _Oh my god…_ he thought numbly, stepping away. He could almost feel Starfire's temper rising, like a furnace in the room, but her sorrow still overpowered everything. She spoke again, addressing Robin calmly, simply. "…The Kid Flash gets to know you, but I do not…?"

Robin's throat bobbed as he swallowed hard. "He knew my name before we ever became Titans, Star. Before I ever met you." Robin seemed to speak to the floor more than to her, his hand still firmly to his cheek. "Please, let me just explain…"

Starfire's face had grown venomous, and her eyes glowed with terrible energy. "There is no explanation required, _Dick_." She spat the word like an insult, charging forward. "I have resided on this planet long enough to know that relationships here are not unlike those on Tamaran. The person you treat intimately may _not_ act intimately with another!" She looked at Kid Flash, who stepped back out of instinct, as though this alien girl would leap on him and try to rip his jugular out with her teeth. But she didn't move, her eyes just focused on him dangerously as she continued. "And it sounds to me like you acted _very_ intimately with him."

"It's not his fault," Kid Flash spoke up, against his better judgment. "It was a mistake. We were just—"

"I am not stupid! One cannot accidentally have _sex!_ " Both Kid Flash and Robin winced, that word sounding disgusting in Starfire's usually innocent mouth. She glowered at the speedster, speaking to him now as if the other boy wasn't in the room. "Robin is not stupid. He knows what he has done. And I know that what he did is unforgiveable." She paused, turning away from both of them, towards the door. "And he should know that our relationship, intimate or friendly, is over."

Robin snapped his head up. "Starfire! I'm sorry! Please!"

A lone tear twinkled on Starfire's cheek, but her voice didn't wave as she continued.

"No apology will fix what you have done, Robin. Do not speak to me again."

Her feet left the ground, and she floated to the door, disappearing into the darkness beyond it. Wally stared after her, completely aghast. After a long moment, he turned to Robin, who had bent over, his body shaking as though he were crying.

Wait… was he crying…?

A strange prickling sensation on his neck caught his attention. He turned, and was horrified to see the other three Titans standing in the opposite door. Their expressions said it all – Raven's disbelief, Beast Boy's confusion… Cyborg's furious glare. He stared back at them numbly, a bead of sweat dribbled down his ear.

That was it. There was no way the situation could get any worse. No way he could fuck up more than this. After what seemed like a long time, he turned back to Robin.

"Robin…" he began, careful to use that name over the other. He took a small step forward. "I-I'm…"

" _GET OUT!_ "

The shriek rang through the room like a siren, splitting his ears. The speedster reeled back, and with only one second consideration, finally complied, racing out of sight. Within the hallway he suddenly froze, then turned and ran back, clapping down his Titan communicator at Robin's feet.

"I resign my position as a Titan. You'll never see me again. I promise."

He didn't allow anyone to speak, didn't allow a breath or a blink to happen before he shot back through the door, down the stairs, over the ocean and on back towards Central, his heart breaking in his chest and his brain screaming in absolute revulsion.

 _You are the biggest fuckup in history, Wally. It's official. The biggest._

* * *

Back in Titans Tower, Robin slowly forced himself to his feet. He felt completely numbed out, unable to speak or to feel anything. He stood a long while, just staring at the Titan communicator on the ground, just trying to wrap his head around what had happened. Nothing felt real anymore.

After a long moment, he turned, eyes falling on the other presences in the room. They stared back at him quietly, no one knowing what to say.

But finally, there was movement. Cyborg's head twisted on its stand, his face stony with disapproval. He turned without a sound, stepping from the room.

Robin swallowed painfully, stepping forward. "Wait… guys, I…."

He was silenced by Raven's suddenly cold, condemning look. It seemed to look right through him, burning into his soul before she, too, turned and stepped away without a word. The only one left was Beast Boy, who simply stood there gaping before suddenly laughing nervously.

"Wait a second. Starfire thinks Robin cheated on her with _Kid Flash?"_

Cyborg's hand suddenly appeared, snatching Beast Boy's arm and wrenching him with a cry out of the doorway. Their voices, made incoherent by the echoing stairwell, slowly diminished until everything was silent.

And Robin was alone. Completely and utterly alone. His body trembled a little with numbness, and his heart seized up even tighter inside his chest. He had not only lost Starfire, but he may have lost the others, too. How could anyone forgive him for his stupidity?

His eyes fell on the communicator at his feet. A sickly lump formed at his throat as he remembered that mask staring at him through his own device. He could practically hear Slade's chuckle in his ear.

 _You don't deserve any of this, Robin. You don't deserve happiness. You only deserve pain._

He suddenly hurled a hard kick at the communicator, sending it skipping into the far wall, where it broke apart into small pieces of metal and circuits. He stared at it, out of breath, his eyes lifting from it to the mirror it rested against, his own stark, emotional face staring back at him.

 _You only deserve pain…_ Those words… It was his thoughts, but it was Slade's voice speaking them inside his head.

…Slade…

His body felt weak. He stumbled forward, landing hard against the mirrored wall, sliding down it to the floor beside the broken communicator. He curled up, pressed his palms against his eye sockets in shame and self-loathing, tears slipping free down his cheeks.

How had everything become so fucked up…?

He had no family. He had lost his friends. He had hurt the one person in his life he thought he'd truly cared about. And his greatest nemesis had violently _raped_ him.

He gagged as that word crossed his mind, bending double and squeezing his eyes shut.

That fucking bastard… that… goddamn son of a bitch… Slade….

Anger began to overpower the other emotions robbing him of common sense. He absentmindedly dug his fingernails into his leg, looking up into the

He suddenly wanted nothing more than to make Slade bleed. To do… something.

But… no. He couldn't… that was stupid, he just… he couldn't…

He glanced up and looked at his own pale face in the mirror beside him. He saw the fading bruises around his neck and lips, saw the fresh blood dribbling down his cheek. He saw the deadened, defeated look in his eyes, even despite the rage he felt throughout the rest of of his body.

He just wanted to _do_ something…

He curled up in a ball and dragged his nails over his scalp.

 _What the hell do I do now…?_

* * *


	8. Things I Cannot See

_Musical interlude!_

 __

* * *

A hallow knocking disturbed the tense, awkward silence that had descended on the tower in the hours following the incident. It was beginning to get overwhelming, which was what led Cyborg to standing in front of Robin's door, staring at the blocky letters that bore the leader's name and waiting impatiently for it to open for him. A twinge of annoyance prodded him when nothing happened. He knocked again, a little harder, making the door to shudder unsteadily in its place and causing a sprinkle of dust to rain down from the ceiling.

"Robin," he spoke up. "Let's talk."

Again there was no answer. His annoyance doubled, but faltered as Cyborg wondered if Robin was even home. Maybe he was elsewhere in the Tower. With a groan, he raised his hand and knocked again.

The door shuddered hard, then suddenly began to tilt inwards. Cy cried out and lunged for it, but it hit the ground with a resounding thud before he could stop it. He gaped at it nervously, wringing his hands, wishing they were clasping it instead.

 _Robin is gonna kill me… why does this_ always _happen?_

He realized that he wasn't already dead, and he lifted his head, surveying the room. He glanced at the dojo-esque style of the room, the bamboo flooring and false rice paper walls. Minimalist furniture. A little hallway of closets containing identical uniforms led the way to the bathroom, whose door was closed and the clear sound of water running hummed behind it. Cyborg walked to it, glancing around at the unmade bed.

He didn't think Robin was capable of leaving his bed unmade.

He reached the door and knocked carefully. "Uh, Robin, I-."

"Look, I don't want to talk about it."

Cy stared at the door a long moment, a little taken back. He quickly composed himself, and looked more earnestly at the wooden door. "I know you don't, Robin. But-."

"Just go away and leave me alone."

Cyborg glared at the door now. "You don't have to talk, just listen. I know things seem really messed up – well, they are, but, you know what I mean. But don't think we're going to abandon you. We all have done things that we regret. We've all let someone down at one time or another. Especially at our age. Being a teenager is a bitch."

Cyborg glared at the door. Being a few years older than Robin, he knew only too well how confusing and tumultuous these years were. He thought coldly of people he'd grown up with, the drama, the backstabbing… sure, there were good times, but no one walked away without making mistakes. He wasn't entirely guiltless either. A star athlete… he'd done his share of heartbreaking.

He shook his head, snapping himself out of his revelry. His mind went back to Robin. He thought about everything that'd happened the past few days, and his stomach churned a little. "Just, I know that all this drama, on top of what happened with… Look, I just want to make sure you're doing okay. You don't have to deal with this stuff alone. I mean, yeah, I think what happened with you and Kid Flash was the wrong way to go about things… but I'm still you're friend, and I'm here if you need me."

There was no answer. The shower still ran in earnest. A little steam was creeping from beneath the door, floating a lazy dance up toward the ceiling. Cyborg stared at it, and could imagine Robin under the shower's spray, his head hanging sullenly, hair slicked down under the artificial rain as he let Cyborg's words churn in his head. He wondered if he'd gotten through to him. He also thought of the boy's injuries, and wondered if they stung badly under the beating water.

After a long time waiting for the answer that wouldn't come, Cyborg sighed, and turned half away from the door. "I'll be around if you need me. Night, Robin."

He turned fully from the door and crossed the Japanese-inspired bedroom. He froze at the fallen door, swallowing nervously and rubbing his head. "Oh yeah, and sorry bout the door! I'll… um… I'll go ahead and see if I can…" He lifted the door up with ease, wiggling it into its spot and whipping a tool from some hidden place to reconnect it to the hydraulic system that opened it. It only took a few minutes (he'd had enough experience with this problem), and once it was back in place, he stood back and clapped his hands.

"Fixed it!" he said with some enthusiasm. Robin didn't answer. Cyborg frowned at the bathroom door, then strolled out into the hallway, the bedroom door closing with a loud slam. Cy stood in the hallway for a moment, rubbing his head and staring off into space.

He hoped that all of this worked itself out. It was going to be an awkward life in the Tower – and on missions, he thought with a flinch – if this drama kept up.

* * *

No sooner had Cyborg rounded the corner and into the stairwell, heading up towards the common room, another figure emerged. It slunk down the hallway quickly, reaching a door and knocking on it earnestly. The sound rung through the hallway like the deep hum at the end of a church bell strike. After a long moment, the door opened halfway.

"Oh. Hey Starfire," said the monotonous voice in the darkness behind the door. Raven's violet eyes peered up at the orange alien, who stood bobbing on her feet. Starfire looked at her wide-eyed, her hands stroking a thick section of her hair in a continuous nervous manner. She no longer looked angry as she had before, but more like a lost creature trying to find its way home.

"Raven!" she suddenly gasped, squeezing through the gap in the door and grabbing Raven by the shoulders, staring at her with wide, sparkling eyes. "Oh, Raven. Please. You are my only female friend, and according to the music-less operas I often watch on the Spanish language channels, that means we must have the 'Boy Talk' together!"

"…nnno."

"But please!" Star's eyes were growing wider by the second, shining with emotion. "I must talk to someone about what has happened! It is making me go crazy like a bumbling Gnarfkip!"

Raven rose an eyebrow. "Gnarfkip…?" she repeated bluntly, but Starfire had already continued on, almost frantically. "There is so much I do not understand about any of this! I am not of this world! I know very little about typical courtship practices or what is to be expected of me! Am I to blame for this, Raven? Was I neglecting Robin? Would he not have resorted to finding intimacy with the Kid Flash if I hadn't—"

"Starfire. The closest thing I've had to a boyfriend was a cursed dragon in a thousand-year-old book. You're speaking to the wrong girl."

"But you understand this world better than I do."

"Barely. I didn't exactly grow up here, either."

"But there is so much I do not understand about all of this!" Starfire began to pace before Raven, continuously tugging on her hair and looking around frantically. "Should Robin and I have had the sex by now? I mean, why else would Robin have the sex with the Kid Flash? And – and I didn't even know it was possible for two boys to have the sex together! How does that even work without the proper sexual organs!"

"Star, would you _please_ stop saying that word…" Raven murmured, her face turning an odd shade of pink. "And I… well… you don't really want to know…"

Starfire rounded on Raven, her eyes perfect circles, full of grave severity. "Oh, no, please tell me… the last time someone said "You don't really want to know" to me, I ended up searching for it on the internet… The results were… unpleasant…"

Raven opened her mouth to say something, but then seemed to think better of it, and shut it again. She glanced around uneasily, shifting where she stood, glancing at the still half-open door, as though wanting to run through it. Finally, she sighed, gesturing to her bed. "Fine… let's do the 'Boy Talk.'"

Starfire made a beeline for the bed, sitting on it before Raven could even turn to look at it. She stared at the dark-haired girl with hopeful eyes, and Raven sighed again, and moved to sit across from her.

"Raven? Please tell me… did I do something wrong?"

Raven looked up and was shocked to find that Starfire's expression had grown suddenly pensive. She stared at her crossed legs, her shoulders hunched towards her ears as though she was trying to retreat into herself. It was a rare look for the otherwise confident, high-spirited girl. After a moment blinking dumbly, Raven finally shook her head.

"You didn't do anything wrong. Robin did."

Starfire sighed. One of her fingers strayed to her hair, twisting it around her knuckles absentmindedly. "That is what I keep saying to myself. Robin did the wrong. He should not have done these things in secret, should not have lied to me. But I still cannot help feeling like this is somehow my fault as well. Are we just too different? Was he unhappy with me?" She sighed, and hung her head lower. "I had no idea this 'dating' would be so complicated. I mean, what little I know I picked up from movies and television. But on there, so often the boy and the girl do the sex at the end of the first date, but when I began to take my clothes off in preparation, he told me that television and movies weren't real life, and that we could wait to do that."

"That's more info than I ever needed to know, thanks." Raven felt her face burning, and she had to stare at something else in the room for a long while before she felt comfortable looking at Starfire again. When she finally did, Starfire had her face pressed in her hands.

"I just do not know what I am doing! I do not know how to be a good girlfriend and now Robin has left me to be with someone else. What should I have done differently?"

"I'll say it again, Starfire. You didn't do anything wrong. Robin knows you don't know about any of this stuff, and it's his job to be understanding about it."

"But, the Kid Flash—"

"I don't know how that even happened." Raven glanced away, thinking about it a little more focusedly. "I mean, none of us saw this one coming. Robin doesn't seem… that type of guy…"

"What type?"

"The kind that likes boys instead of girls…"

"You think he likes boys instead of girls? Is that what I did wrong? Being born a girl?"

"You didn't do anything wrong!" Raven was growing increasingly frustrated. It was obvious that this was not her fault in any way. Raven had to force herself to take a breath and calm herself down. "This is confusing for all of us, Starfire. But I think the person most confused here is Robin. I know he does care about you, a lot. Probably more than he cares for any of the rest of us. But… maybe it wasn't in the way he thought. He's just a teenager, Starfire. He's still figuring things out about himself, just as we all are. He just went about it all wrong."

"So what should I do?"

Raven glanced up into those wide, terrified green eyes. She knew what Starfire wanted. She wanted nothing more than to have things back to how they were, to have Robin to herself. She wanted to forgive him. Raven sighed.

"I don't know. Maybe the first thing you should do is talk to Robin about this. Ask him all of those questions you asked me. Although it sounds like he may not have all the answers, either."

"I will not talk to him tonight," the alien murmured, face darkening.

"You don't have to tonight, but at some point."

Silence passed between them. Starfire's eyes inspected the bed as the conversation processed in her head. Raven shifted uncomfortably, glancing at the clock, wondering how much longer Starfire would be there. She was happy to help, but she also was in the middle of a book.

"I wonder how long they have been doing the sex-"

"-please stop saying that word-"

"-without my knowledge?"

Raven scratched her shoulder. "Cyborg said it started a couple weeks ago…"

Starfire suddenly snapped her head up. "How does Cyborg know this?"

"Robin told him a couple days ag—" Raven suddenly snapped her mouth closed midsentence, glancing away gracelessly.

"He has known about this for days and _didn't tell me?_ "

"He wanted to let Robin—"

But Starfire didn't let Raven finish. She flew through the half-open door, shooting down the hallway and up the stairs, finding Cyborg seated at the counter of the kitchen and yanking him from his stool, the sandwich in his hands tumbling from his grasp back to the plate. The Tamaranian princess slammed him to the ground, straddling him and clutching his armor with a crazed look.

"YOU HAVE KNOWN ABOUT THIS FOR DAYS AND DID NOT TELL ME?"

"Star! I – what- no – I mean, yeah, I did, but-."

"AND WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ME?"

"Dang, Star, take it easy!" Beast Boy gasped, clamoring over the back of the couch. "You're gonna rip his chestplate o—"

"DO NOT 'DANG, STAR' ME!" She snapped her head up, her glowing green eyes threatening to burn Beast Boy on the spot. "CYBORG HAS A RIGHT TO TELL ME WHY HE DID NOT TELL ME! NOW TELL ME!"

"I wanted Robin to tell you what he was doing himself!"

"And that didn't happen, did it?"

"Starfire, calm down," Raven spoke up, phasing through the floor into the room. "Screaming at Cyborg wont solve anything."

"Raven! You ratted me out didn't you?"

"Yeah… sorry…"

"I am so tired of my friends lying to me!" Starfire wailed angrily, gripping hands into fists with her face turning red. "First Robin and now Cyborg! Come now, Beast Boy, what lies do you have for me?"

Beast Boy went pale as Starfire's eyes bore down on him again, and he looked away guiltily. Starfire snarled viciously and he squeaked, vanishing behind the couch as a turtle.

A wave of dark energy suddenly wrapped around her, wrenching her off the largest Titan and holding her in the air, where she growled and struggled, a blast of energy firing from her eyes.

"You need to calm down." Raven spoke sternly as she floated to meet Starfire's gaze, her voice rising like the volume of the room had increased. "Shouting at us and pointing fingers solves nothing. Just calm down."

Starfire was panting, her eyes still glowing. Slowly, but surely, her rage began to subside, her muscles relaxing, the green power vanishing from her eyes. Once she was sure Starfire had calmed down enough, Raven gently lowered her back to the floor, where she immediately dropped to her knees, burying her face in her hands.

"I was happy the way things were…" she spoke quietly, tears slipping from her eyes. "Why did all of this happen?"

No one spoke for a moment. The three other Titans glanced at one another, completely at a lost.

"Is there… anything we could do, Starfire? To make you feel better?" Beast Boy spoke up uncertainly from the couch, rubbing his head.

Starfire swept her hands down her cheeks, staring at the floor in quiet thought. "May I just… spend some time with my friends? Perhaps watch my favorite movie?"

"The Science of Mucus?"

"Oh yes, please!"

The three Titans exchanged looks again.

* * *

The moon was high above the Tower by the time they all retired to their rooms. The others hadn't seemed to like Starfire's movie very much, but she didn't mind. In fact, it made her happy that her friends cared enough about her that they would sit through a movie they might otherwise have avoided, in order to cheer her up.

 _That_ , she thought with a slight smile, _is what friendship is about._

She entered her room, tossed Silkie a little treat she brought down from the kitchen, and immediately went to her bed, flopping down on it face-first, breathing into the sheets while listening to Silkie noisily munch on his snack. After a long while, she rolled over, staring at the ceiling.

She thought about everything that had happened that day. She thought of the pains in her heart upon finding out about Robin and Kid Flash, pains that still lingered and brought tears to her eyes when she thought about them too much. She thought about her conversation with Raven. She thought about her own confusion. She thought about her and Robin's entire relationship, the whole span of time, from their first meeting to their first date to the months of being what everyone called "official." She tried to pinpoint when things went wrong, but she didn't know when. All she knew was that Kid Flash had come to visit them, and then Robin apparently started to kiss him and do things with him that he had never done with her.

And she twisted her face up in agony as she remembered seeing them together in the gym, their lips pressed together.

It had been going on for two weeks. That's what Cyborg had said. But Kid Flash had been there nearly a month. So they'd never done this before?

She sighed and rolled over. Her face hurt from frowning. Her eyes kept welling up with unwanted tears. She heard a mew beside her, and looked up to see Silkie on her bed, its buggy eyes blinking at her with something like worry.

"Oh, it is nothing, Silkie," she murmured reassuringly, pulling him to her chest and stroking him with a sigh. "Your k'norfka is just dealing with the boy problems."

She suddenly felt a weird slimy sensation on her arm, and she glanced down to find the creature slurping on her arm. She sighed, and dropped her head back to the bed.

"I will never get any sleep with all these things in my mind," she muttered quietly, more to herself than to him. "There are just so many questions… I just so badly want to understand…" She grabbed Silkie and rolled over, holding him up high above her, staring at him in quiet reflection. "What do you think I should do, Silkie? Should I go talk to Robin?"

Silkie simply belched, splattering her face with tiny droplets of spit. She stared back at him, bewildered. "I'm sorry. I do not speak Silkie." She stared a while longer. Silkie licked his lips, and did a weird bobbing motion with his head. A look of doggedness crossed Starfire's face. "You are right. I should go talk to him now. Thank you Silkie!"

He made a gurgling noise as she set him down and hurried through the door. She hovered down the hallway, down the familiar journey to Robin's room. Her heart drummed in her ears, and she tugged absentmindedly on her hair again, running her fingers over a large chunk of it with growing anticipation and uncertainty. What was Robin going to say? Would they ever be friends, or more than friends, again? She just wanted this whole nightmare to be over.

She landed before his door, and took a deep breath before raising her hand. "Robin," she spoke carefully, swinging her hand to knock. "May I—"

On the first knock, the door suddenly creaked, and fell inwards, hitting the ground with a hard thud. Starfire gaped at it. "I didn't knock that hard!" she gasped with mild panic, glancing up.

But the room was empty. She floated in, and her attention was immediately drawn to the door on her right, between the closets. She could hear running water in the bathroom. Robin was showering?

"Robin?" she asked, knocking on the door. "Um, I'm sorry to interrupt, but I was wondering if we could talk… we need to talk."

"I don't want to talk about it," his voice chimed from the other room. Starfire felt a rush of anger mixed with confusion and despair, and she knocked on the bathroom door hard.

"After the terrible things you have done the least you could do is—"

"Just go away and leave me alone."

She gaped at the door incredulously. "No! I will not go away! And I do not care how many clothes you are not wearing! If the Kid Flash can see you naked, then so can I!" She slammed her weight into the door, causing the knob to snap through the door jamb and the door to swing inward. A rush of fog blinded her, and she coughed, waving it away.

"Come on out, Robin. We are talking, right now!"

She stormed into the bathroom, looking around, the heavy steam already causing droplets to form on her skin and her hair to stick on her neck.

But it grew quickly apparent there was no one there.

"Robin…?" She was confused. Robin had spoken to her from in here. There was no window, no way to get out. How had he simply… vanished?

Suddenly, his voice rang out in the murky bathroom.

"I don't want to talk about it."

She turned slowly, as though worried she would see a ghost. Instead, she saw a black box upon the counter, a small light flashing on it. She walked to it and lifted it, inspecting it carefully.

It was a digital recorder… she pressed a button, and his voice said "Just go away and leave me alone."

"You were never here…" she whispered. "But then, where are you…"

Rage suddenly boiled to a head in her stomach, and she wrenched out her communicator without a second thought, snapping it open and hitting the commlink button. "Robin! Robin, I know you're not taking a shower. You're with the Kid Flash, aren't you?" Furious tears welled up in her eyes as she clutched the communicator tighter. "I can't believe you'd do something like this! When I find you I'll-"

A face showed up on the screen that made Starfire break off mid-sentence. All her anger melted at once, replaced by sheer, unadulterated horror.

"No, Robin is not with the Kid Flash." Slade's voice seemed to slice through the humid air and cut right into her heart, causing all feeling in her body to go dead. "He ran out to visit me. But don't worry, little girl. I'm taking good care of him."

"No…" she whispered. She couldn't breathe. Cyborg's voice called to her from her memories, reciting words he'd spoken days before.

" _We need to keep a close eye on Robin. He's been through a traumatic experience and if there's one thing I know about Robin, he likes to get back at the people who've caused him the most pain… likes to find some way of getting back in control…"_

He'd gone after Slade… even though he was injured… he had gone after him…

"No…" she gasped again, shaking her head. "Let him go!"

Slade didn't respond, but the twinkle in his eye said it all. The connection ended, leaving Starfire alone in the humid bathroom, her blood cold with insurmountable dread.

… _why couldn't it have been Kid Flash…_? her brain screamed as panic took control of her movements. She tore out his door into the hallway, shouting for the others, shouting for desperate help with tears streaming down her cheeks.

 _Why couldn't it have just been Kid Flash…?_

* * *


	9. Not As Brave As I Thought

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, guys, I need to give you all a DISCLAIMER.
> 
> Although there's nothing truly graphic about this chapter (Meaning if you're just here for some lemon smut, go somewhere else) but things are about to get REALLY heavy. No, you don't understand. REALLY HEAVY. In more ways than one. While writing this chapter today, I actually had to walk away and reflect on it, wondering if I was going too far. I don't think I've ever had to do that before (and if you know my other works, you know then that this is definitely significant).
> 
> I just thought it'd be fair to warn you. xD Although if you are anything like me, which likely, you are, you're now more eager to read and find out what happens. I'll distract you no further.

_So just be gentle with mee  
Trouble is sometimes  
And I'll be gentle with you  
I just can't switch myself off_

 __

* * *

The night was quiet. As quiet as a metropolitan city like Jump could be, anyway. The stars that were supposed to be shining above were hidden, overtaken by the electric glow of the modern world. But that wasn't all that bad, really. The neon in all colors. Flashing billboards and enormous televisions of the main square. The rhythmic patterns of street lamps, lined up in neat rows between the speckled shapes of buildings, lights forgotten in offices creating stars all their own from the distance. It was all beautiful, in its own way. Certainly not the Milky Way, but then again, if one got high enough, all of the burning electricity and brilliant signs became nothing more than a cluster of specks, just a chunk of the universe plastered to the Earth's dark surface. If anything, maybe that made it more beautiful.

A swift breeze ruffled through his hair and cape as he stared out over the city he'd chosen as his home. It carried a fresh scent, and wasn't able to bite his skin with coldness yet as it passed. It just wasn't late enough for that. He brushed a strand of hair away from his forehead and leaned against the railing that bordered the rooftop he perched on, staring down into the street. A couple of figures walked down it, talking in quiet voices, footsteps chunking along on the sidewalk as they passed. He wondered for a moment who they were, what kind of lives they led, what kind of things they had to laugh about, and to cry about. He watched them without blinking, as they made their way up the stoop of a nearby tenement, one jangling the keys from his pocket and opening the door, laughing as they both stepped inside.

All of this… the gentle hum of Jump City, the puzzle of lights and color, the breeze of the rooftops… it was a welcome change from the strangling atmosphere of the Tower. The memories and the drama… he didn't need it right now. He definitely didn't need it. So he left, took a street and just... went until he felt he was far enough, just to get away from it all. Just for a while. Just a little while. That was what the shower decoy was for – to give him as much time as possible. It was only a matter of time though, before they figured it out.

As he stared at a flickering street lamp down the street, he began to realize that he felt oddly calm. He wasn't able to think about much at all – not the Titans, not Starfire, or Kid Flash… or Slade… and that was definitely something he honestly wanted to embrace. Just… blankness. Apathy… peace… The weight of the world didn't seem so fully on his shoulders now, because really, it just didn't feel real anymore. A made up fictional world, flat between pages of a book, or maybe a comic book. With cities made up of stars, full of two-dimensional people with storybook lives. He thought of those two people he saw before, now hidden in that building, and realized they were just as fake inside his head as anything else. Whatever story he might've come up with for them, he would have been wrong. Just two people. Two fake people from a fake world, two people he would never know.

Really... did he really know anybody?

Did anybody know him?

He slouched his shoulders a little, leaning more of his weight against the railing, its metal surface making deep impressions into his arms. He was blank. His whole life felt blank. He knew so many things had happened to him, knew he had a flat paperback story like the rest of them, but who would ever read it? Who would he ever let read it? Who would ever want to read it? Just blank. Flat. Nothing.

He sighed softly, straightening a little, wincing as his sore joints and half-healed wounds repositioned. He checked the time on his communicator, and decided he should probably should head back soon if he wanted any hope of getting away with his escape act. He didn't really feel the need to have anyone else yell at him. Really, he just wished they'd leave him alone. Just for a while. Just until he was done feeling so blank. Until he felt more like himself again. He honestly had no idea how long that would take, though.

He took one last look at the skyline, at the twinkly dots of artificial stars in the distance, before turning away, wandering to the side of the building. He scrambled over the railing and used the rain gutters as a hand hold to lower himself to the fire escape a floor below. He tried to be as silent as possible, swinging down between floors rather than using the noisy ladders. He landed in the alley with a little huff, and made his way over to the red motorcycle hidden behind some dumpsters. He snapped his helmet on and climbed on board. As the engine kicked on, the headlight illuminated, adding another star to the city for the airplanes above. With a loud roar, the motorcycle sped through the alley and onto the street, hurtling down the road back in the direction of the Tower.

As he drove, his eyes flicked around, taking in the things quickly speeding past him. Streetlamps, mailboxes, parked cars, stray animals. A random tree here or there, growing from a hole cut in the concrete, making its stance and sticking to it against the overbearing figures of buildings around it.

 _You know_ , Robin thought numbly, glancing at one sturdy tree as he passed it. _I bet if I hit one of those straight on, it would all be over…_

His stomach flip-flopped. His fingers tensed around the handlebars of his bike. He kept his eyes more firmly on the street before him, and he pointedly ignored every tree and telephone pole he passed as he headed down the hill, Titans Tower beckoning from out in the bay.

He turned a corner, and his bike screeched to a sudden halt, swerving precariously before he stuck a foot out to prevent from tipping over. His eyes widened a little before him.

He hadn't even realized the route he'd taken to get back. Hadn't realized what he would be passing.

Pier 3.

Time seemed to freeze in place as he stared up at the large metal warehouse. It stood like a monster, seeming to take up more space in the world than the other warehouses around it. It blocked his view of Titan's Tower. Robin found himself unable to breathe, his fingers trembling as they squeezed his handlebars more securely.

 _Just drive away…_ a strange voice pleaded in his mind, even as his grip broke from the handles and his fingers began tugging on his chin strap. _Just turn back. Go home._

He let his bike fall on the sidewalk without any heed, his helmet clattering beside it. His feet paced hesitant steps toward the graffiti-tagged building. The ocean was surging nearby, a buoy dinging in the far distance. But beyond that, it was dead quiet. A numbing kind of quiet.

 _Just turn back…_

The enormous metal door, large enough to allow an oil tanker to pass through with plenty of room to spare, was ajar enough for him to squeeze through. The air seemed little different inside, just more dark and more still, smelling of dust and age. Such a familiar smell, one that made his stomach lurch violently. He threw a hand out to clutch a support beam, just waiting for the moment to pass before pressing on.

As he neared the center of the warehouse, it occurred to him that perhaps at that point, he was supposed to be thinking about what had happened there. That maybe he should be looking around at the disturbed dust on the floor, illuminated by the street lights filtering in through the dirty line of windows near the roof, and be reminded of specific moments during the ordeal… what Slade had done to him here… what he'd said to him there… but none of that was happening. Not a single flashback. Not a thought. Just that same overwhelming blankness, and the occasional spontaneous wrenching sensation in his stomach that made him flinch with something like irritation.

But really, he just couldn't feel much anymore. This place… it didn't seem to exist either. None of it felt real.

A little red dot in the corner had caught his attention, drawing his eyes. He stared at it a long time, and with little decision, grabbed his grappling hook, snatching a steel beam, and pulling himself up to it. It was a video camera. So, this was how Slade had learned about Robin and Kid Flash. He wondered why the cameras were there. What did Slade use them for? Were their more around the city?

And he realized that Slade could probably see him now. Knew he was there. Robin instantly snatched a birdarang and slammed it into the lens, with all the forethought of someone swiping at a buzzing gnat. Glass shattered and sparks flew. Then he began tugging at the panel on the side of the device, ripping it apart, ripping out wires, snatching up his communicator and pulling it apart as well, hooking wires to wires and setting to work figuring out where the video signal went… where Slade had watched them from…

Because that is what a detective does, right? Sees the riddle pointing to the criminal, and finds the answer. That was all this was… a puzzle to solve…

The little computer screen on his communicator beeped and flashed. Little loading dots waved in the corner, meaning it was processing. He waited, not really caring either way if it worked. But a map built itself on the monitor, zeroing in on a specific point, somewhere on the other side of town.

So now that he knew, what else was there to do?

He unhooked the connections and replaced the case on his communicator, then leapt down from the ledge. Pausing only to take out two more birdarangs and destroy the other two cameras he could see, he made his way back outside. He snatched up his bike without a single glance at his helmet, fired up the engine, hooked a u-turn and barreled off into the army of skyscrapers before him, Titan's Tower growing distant behind him once again.

A little more common sense, maybe he would've realized that he was in no physical condition to make any confrontations. With a little more forethought, maybe he should have told his friends, had them back him up, or go for him. No doubt they would have wanted to do this job themselves.

But none of those thoughts ever occurred to him. Or if they did, he quickly swept them from mind without even noticing them. All he could do the whole ride was pointedly ignore the lonely stalks of trees scattered throughout the miles of concrete and lights.

* * *

"Welcome, Robin. I've been expecting you."

The boy had crept in with his trademark sneakiness, a kind of stealth second only to the one who trained him. But Slade had heard him enter nonetheless, his own well-trained ears catching the soft sound of his landing from the ceiling high above. The villain stood up from his chair, but didn't turn toward the boy, keeping his eye focused on the computer screen before him, as though it held some impertinent information he couldn't look away from. In all actuality, it was just idle surveillance over his city. Yes, his city, or at least, it would be again, one of these days.

His instincts were well honed from decades of training and experience, and after the past years of playing the parts of comic book rivals, he'd grown particularly aware of Robin's tendencies. He waited for that rush of adrenaline, that sort of perception that told him that a strike was on its way. Perhaps the quite clink of a birdarang opening, the scrape of metal as he extended his telescopic bo staff. Or just the hush whisper of feet moving across the cold ground as he swept in with a martial arts move.

But that rush of premonition never happened. After a few minutes of pure silence, Slade even began to wonder if he'd only imagined that Robin had come in. But as he turned, his lone eye fell on the boy, standing silently where he'd landed, his brilliantly-colored outfit enshrouded beneath his black cape. Masked eyes focused on him unblinkingly, ensnared with a vacant, almost bored look that took the old mercenary by surprise.

There was something very odd about all of this. Considering what had happened, he was shocked the boy could look at him without flying into a furious rage.

"What's the matter, Robin? Have I truly made such an impact on you?"

There was no answer. Robin's eyes didn't even narrow at him. He just stared, face emotionless, like he'd been erased.

"Why did you do it, Slade?" he finally asked in a croaky, deadpan voice. So matter-of-factly, as though asking why he liked one brand of soup over another. "You've never done anything like that before. So why now?"

Slade didn't answer a moment, still surveying Robin's peculiar expression, his peculiar new way of talking. A small smile twitched his lips, and he felt his good eye fall half-closed with a kind of smugness.

"Never done anything like that before?" He strode forward confidently, fully expecting Robin to recoil out of reflex as he approached, but the boy didn't even waver as Slade circled around him, eyeing him like a hawk. "After all of these years, Robin, you still know so little about me."

"Pedophilia would explain so much about you…"

Slade's steps faltered a little. "Oh don't, worry Robin. You're the first boy I have ever terrorized this way. You'll probably also be the last."

"And why me?" Robin was still staring straight ahead, as though Slade had ever moved. Now that he was closer, Slade could see just how completely blank the boy's face appeared. How level his voice was.

"Because I want nothing more than to make your life a living hell, Robin. To test your limits, to find them, to exploit them. To see if you overcome them, or crack beneath them…"

He leaned in with those words, watching Robin's face with a smug smile. Though his mask was only a few inches Robin's ear, Robin didn't even shift.

"So tell me… how long until you finally crack? Because you certainly seem well on your way."

Robin simply blinked into space. "Whatever doesn't kill me can only make me stronger."

"Don't worry. I could never kill you. You are far too much fun. If you came here hoping for an escape from your pain, you are out of luck."

Robin's eyes flickered towards him. Slade straightened a little, staring down on the boy with curiosity. "So tell me, Robin. Why are you here?"

He didn't answer. Slade began to pace around him again. "Did you come here hoping to get some revenge? Make me pay for what I did to you? Make me suffer as you did? Or did you come here to prove to yourself that it wasn't your fault? That if you hadn't been drugged, you could have prevented it from happening, could have beaten me back and escaped?

"Or is it that, deep down, you secretly liked it…?"

He leaned in once more, so close he could feel Robin's heat against his face through the holes in his mask. A demonic grin tugged at his lips as he caught the boy's scent. Robin didn't speak, but something was beginning to stir under that blank gaze. Slade hummed a soft chuckle, and reached out to grab Robin's chin, opening his mouth to say something else.

But then the world seemed to spin. Hands clutched him tightly, the floor slammed hard into his mask and shoulder. A knee pressed into his spine, sending pain shooting up it.

And then Robin's voice hissed dangerously in his ear.

"You don't get to touch me. Ever."

Slade chuckled against the floor, tasting blood on his lips.

"I can see that I _have_ had a profound impact on you, Robin…" With movements just as quick and just as harsh, he sent the boy hurtling across the floor. He pushed himself up, and stood, looming over the boy with a hungry stare. "And I accept your challenge."

Robin lifted his head, and his face revealed a real expression for the first time that evening. Except it was an expression entirely foreign to his young face. It wasn't defiant rage. It wasn't justified hatred. It wasn't heart-felt horror. It was something without a label, caught between hysteria and despair. It was dangerous. It was thoughtless.

It was magnificent, Slade thought with a pure, psychotic smile, as Robin charged at him, a birdarang clenched firmly in his grasp. Faster than he thought possible, given the injuries the boy still had to be enduring. A stinging fire raced across his chest as the boy swung his arm, slicing a gash through the tough black material of his disguise. With more difficulty than he would have liked, Slade managed to get his hands on the enraged teen, heaving him hard into the nearest wall and pressing his head against it with all his strength.

"What are you hoping to do here, Robin?" he snarled viciously, wincing to himself as he felt the blood seeping from his wound. The boy had managed to cut in deep. Slade growled in annoyance as he pressed himself forward, leaving no room between himself and Robin, causing the boy to writhe with uneasiness while a familiar tingling warmth seeped itself into Slade's body. He repressed it for now, leaning in even closer. "You're not acting like yourself. I almost feel like you'd be willing to kill me right now."

Robin's hands wrung themselves into fists against the wall. Slade watched them with mild interest, then suddenly backed away, allowing Robin to fall to the floor. He stood back, spreading his arms out like a martyr. "Go ahead, Robin. Do what you want to do to me. I'm interested to see how far you'll get."

Slade closed his eyes, so he wasn't able to see what was happening. But he felt it. He felt the surge of pain as Robin took him down, felt the repeated hits as he slammed his bo staff again and again into Slade's shoulders and head. He coughed up blood, rolled on the ground, grunted at the blows but also laughed quietly to himself. Knowingly.

Because it ended. It ended before it should have. No more hits fell. No more pain erupted. Slade opened his eye, stinging with sweat and blood, and twisted his head with some difficulty to see Robin backing away. His young form was splattered with blood, his eyes wide with horror, his head shaking in disgust with himself. Slade watched him drop his bo staff, and casually wondered exactly what kind of damage he'd done. He barely felt any of it, or at the very least, it didn't bother him. He could deal with pain much worse than this.

"Is that all you've got?" he asked, cricking his neck and getting to his feet. One of his arms didn't seem to want to work- it felt as though he dislocated it. He twisted it hard and with a shout, popped it right back into place. After taking a moment to breathe again, he turned to face the hero.

But the hero didn't look back. He was just pressed up against the wall, eyes blank as he stared into nothingness, his skin a sickly pale shade. He clutched a birdarang in his hand. It was clean, unlike his blood-stained gloves.

Slade just watched him a long, peaceful moment. "You almost did it, didn't you? You came that close…"

The dead look in Robin's face revealed all. Slade stepped forward, wondering again just how bad his own injuries were before snatching the boy with his one good arm, and hurling him as hard as he could into the adjacent wall, eliciting a delicious snapping sound somewhere in the boy's body.

"Now it's my turn," Slade hissed viciously, rolling the boy over on the ground with his foot. He knelt down, and with quick hands, managed to unhook Robin's belt and rip it away before the boy could counteract, effectively disarming him. He threw the belt across the room, then turned back to the Boy Wonder, pressing against his thin neck with his boot while working at his own belt. "For all your spite, you should've aimed lower…"

A sound made them both freeze. It was a voice, coming from somewhere behind him. Slade turned slowly, his foot twisting a little on the Boy Wonder's throat, causing him to writhe a little in pain.

Robin's communicator. In the chaos, it had jogged loose from Robin's belt, laying abandoned in the middle of the room. Slade looked down at Robin, then heaved a hard kick in the boy's stomach, sending him curling into a ball before stepping away from him, strolling casually to the little device and picking it up.

"...with the Kid Flash, aren't you? I can't believe you'd do something like this! When I find you I'll-."

Slade opened the communicator with a rush of amusement. So, the other Titans did not even know their precious Robin was gone. This only made it that much more fun.

The alien girl's orange face in the communicator screen went instantly from furious to horrified, as Slade smiled down at her through his mask. "No, Robin is not with the Kid Flash," he told her simply. "He ran out to visit me. But don't worry, little girl. I'm taking good care of him."

The girl opened her mouth as though to speak, but Slade closed the communicator and crushed it to pieces between his fingers. The fragments fell to the ground like heavy rain, as Slade turned back towards the young Titan in his midst. Robin had crawled a few paces away from where he'd fallen. Weak. Exhausted. Beaten.

Slade could only grin as that strange, almost sickening, excitement coursing through his veins as he approached Robin, suddenly treating him with a gentle touch.

"We don't have much time," he said to the boy, whose face had suddenly become vacant and empty once again. Colorful clothes began littering the hideout, and the anticipation was building.

It was a sickening thing to do, and that was why he was doing it. It was the only reason he was doing it. Sex as a weapon where all others had failed.

It was as cold and calculating solution as ever… but he had to admit, there was something to this… the excitement, the power… the fear and pain in the victim…

There really was no downside. Just another weapon. An effective weapon.

A pained moan leapt to the air, and Slade could not help but smile.

* * *


	10. Switch Myself Off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, this is the chapter that defined the whole story. When I first fell in love with Wally/Dick as a pairing, this story was simply going to be a little smutty fluff-fest. But then one day, on the insistence of my gay friend, Ryan, I spent two quiet, lonely hours at work doing dishes while listening to the entire soundtrack of this off-Broadway musical, Bare, which is about two gay boys in a Catholic school… and that twisted this story forever. If you're familiar with the musical, you might guess what's about to happen…. Welp, anyways, enjoy! I hope this chapter is everything I want it to be for you…

_I just can't switch myself off  
When I want to, so I never do  
Because I'm mental, be gentle, be gentle..._

 __

* * *

"…you really think it's him…?"

"…look at the mask….I'd know that fuckin face anywhere…"

"…check out his back…"

"…Slade… well I'll be goddamned…"

"…s'bout time someone fucked him down…fucking piece of shit Titan…."

Voices. He didn't recognize them. They seemed to cross a large distance to reach him. They were deep, gruff, terrible.

"You seriously gonna do that?"

"We've struck gold, man. Once everyone finds out about this, we don't gotta worry about the Titans no more."

"Well, hurry up, man, and take it. If we're caught here, someone'll think we did it."

The voices were getting closer. It was becoming clear that they were right beside him, talking about him. Slowly, other senses were coming back. He could feel the hard surface of asphalt beneath him, the bite of cold night air against his skin, the pain aching through his body. He could smell the stink of garbage, like the inside of a dumpster.

And those voices….

Where the hell was he…? What happened? All he remembered was….

A flash of light burned red through his eyelids. A laugh choked the air from one of the men standing over him. A low murmur rose, "Do it, man. Send it."

A flash of light…? From where…? Send what…?

The cold air against his naked body.

And then, it clicked, and his eyes snapped open, taking in the group of tough guys looming above him. Red clothes and doo rags. One clutching a camera phone in his dark hand.

No…

He was moving before the gang members even realized he was awake. A foot struck one man's groin, an elbow slamming into his face. He crumpled. A bare hand struck out, snatching another thug by the hem of his oversized shirt, twisting it over his head so it came right off. In one fluid motion, he threw it on over his naked body and slammed the butt of his hand into the man's stunned expression, shattering his nose with a spurt of blood.

"Shit!" someone shouted, before the young hero took him down, too, practically stepping on the man's head to bury it into the gravel, a fierce grimace on his face as he pressed down harder.

It'd all happened in the span of about five seconds. Not enough time for the last man to run for it. Robin turned to face him, glancing down at the cell phone clutched stupidly in his dirty hand. A rush of pure hatred and disgust filled him as he charged the man down, slamming him into the wall with a sickening crunch, forcing the cell phone out of his hand.

"What did you do?" Robin found himself growling. Only one second of silence passed before Robin found himself furiously twisting the man's arm even harder, eliciting a wonderful snap that made the thug scream. Robin barely blinked, leaning in and snarling "Where did you send it?"

The man curled up into himself, his dirty-colored face twisted in pain. He was shaking under Robin's grip, his mouth stretched back as though fighting not to scream again. Robin leaned closer, eyes wild and dangerous, yet the rest of his body looking like a child in a nightgown, the enormous red t-shirt falling to his knees. "Talk!"

Finally, the man lifted his head, a strange, almost grinning expression on his pain-filled face. "It's too late, Birdy Boy. The picture is sent. My buddy is gonna put it online and the whole world is gonna know what happened to your skinny ass!" He grinned more maliciously at the boy's horrified gaping stare. "I can think of a few of my buddies in lockup who would just _love_ to beat their meat to that snapshot-"

Revulsion and disgust tore his stomach. His mind went blank, face breaking into a terrible grimace. One hand was moving on its own accord, jamming the cell phone into the man's mouth, shutting him up mid-sentence with a strangled cry. The other hand swung, fingers curling into his palm, executing a perfect uppercut into the man's chin. Teeth and technology shattered. Blood splattered. A strange, choked sound slipped out of the gangster's throat as he tilted sideways to the ground, where he lay perfectly still. Shards of plastic and microchip sputtered from his bloody mouth. Battery acid bubbled quietly on the corner of his lips.

And then, everything fell still. Quiet. Time itself seemed to slow to an unbearable crawl as Robin slowly got to his feet. His unsteady legs staggered a few steps back, allowing him a better view of the figures sprawled on the ground around him. Unmoving. Not making a sound.

All he could do was stand there, staring, panting. His stolen t-shirt hung to his bare knees, hiding his thin, shaking form from the world. He grew aware of the blood sticking to his legs, of the aches and pains erupting throughout his body. The sour, familiar taste of Slade lingering on his lips…

He fell against the brick wall of the alley with a strangled moan. His shaking doubled as everything seemed to crash upon him, a hand clapping to his face. His bare palm felt the smooth texture of his mask against its skin. He paused, fingertips silently following the mask's silky surface, feeling around its edges. Suddenly, he dug his fingernails between material and skin, peeling the mask violently away with a small yelp. Wincing, he staggered forward, and with a strangled growl, he hurled the wretched thing into the nearby dumpster with all the strength he had, as though he wanted it to shatter when it struck the bottom.

Finished with that he fell still, staring at the side of the dumpster with unshielded eyes, and somehow felt more naked than he had when he'd first come to. His body was persistent with its shaking. His breathing came and went in sharp gasps. He felt sick to his stomach. He felt dizzy. He felt unbearably alone. Naked eyes glanced down at his trembling hands. They were covered in the blood of the thugs lying unnaturally still around him. He absentmindedly licked his lips. They still tasted like Slade.

A strange sob leapt from his lungs, coming out more like a hiccup or a gasp of pain. But he wasn't crying. He couldn't. He wanted to, as though that would somehow make everything better, but his eyes were completely dry. He fell weakly sideways against the dumpster, pressing his cheek upon its cool, rank surface, staring at the fallen men around him.

None of the gang members lying there made any movements or sounds. He watched with a vacant look, as though waiting for one of them to stand up suddenly and gun him down where he stood. He wouldn't have stopped them. But it wasn't going to happen. They were all out cold. After a moment, with little if any thought, he found himself stepping forward, picking the thinnest of the group and stripping his jean shorts from him, pulling them onto himself. Keys and change jangled in the oversized pockets as he buttoned them, and he reached into their depths, pulling free what he didn't need and hurling them to the ground. Receipts, keys, a cigarette lighter, a cell phone… a wad of cash… and a plastic bag, full of loose white pills.

He held onto the last two items, staring at them with little surprise. A drug dealer, huh? Well, that was something. He should probably turn it in… He swallowed hard and shoved the bag and the money back into his pockets, then stepped away, barefooted, out into the world, not even casting a passing glance at the collapsed men, only praying with his stomach twisting violently that they would make it through the night…

The street around him was mostly deserted. A few women stood at a nearby corner, their scant clothing and tall heels revealing their purpose for being there. No doubt they'd heard the disturbance, but they knew better than to get involved. Pretty much everyone on this side of town knew better than to get involved. But their mascaraed eyes still followed him with clear curiosity as he walked past, his hands jammed into his pockets, feeling the contents of them with his fingertips. He winced a little with each footfall, his limp hair swaying in his eyesight.

An engine caught his attention. He glanced up and felt a rush of horror as a familiar set of headlights drove toward him.

The T-Car.

He felt frozen, just like a deer would be in the same situation. He watched the lights grow closer, his stomach wrenching even more viciously beneath his baggy shirt.

But, incredulously, the car barely slowed as it passed. Cyborg's eyes met his, but there was no flash of recognition in his face. Just a mild interest, the same anyone would have upon seeing a teenaged boy wearing clothes like these out in the middle of the night on the bad side of town. The casual interest of one saddened by a life clearly misspent. Any other night on patrol, Cyborg probably would have stopped to ask him what he was doing out alone past curfew (Was it past curfew? He couldn't tell). But the older Titan was clearly distracted, turning to the communication center in his dashboard just as he passed.

Robin watched the tail lights numbly. Cyborg hadn't recognized him. They were supposedly best friends, yet without his mask… he had absolutely no idea who he was… Robin felt his chest tighten as the car rounded the corner and disappeared from sight.

No one knew who he was… who he really was… His teammates – the people he'd spent the better part of two years fighting alongside – knew nothing about him. About his life. About his very face.

But it wasn't their fault… it was his… he was the one that had held them away at arm's length. He'd never wanted them to know. Never wanted to let that shield down.

Maybe all that was why all of this had to happen to him… maybe he deserved it…

Without even really realizing it, he was walking away, his footsteps quickening beneath him. He broke into a jog, then to a run, cautiously leaping over broken beer bottles and gaps in the sidewalk with his bare feet. He passed more gaggles of gang members, some shouting after him as he passed, but he didn't pay attention. He just kept going, rounding a corner. His breathing burned in his chest. His body screamed as every ache flared into searing pain. But he kept going. What if Cyborg realized it was him? What if he turned around to find him?

He didn't deserve to be found. Not by them. Not by anyone.

Blocks of dilapidated buildings moved passed him at an agonizingly slow pace. Rocks and glass he hadn't noticed ripped apart his feet, but he kept going. He lost track of the streets and turns, lost himself in the city he knew so well. After what seemed like a long time, he finally staggered to a halt, fighting to breathe, sweat glistening on his forehead as he bent double in the middle of a different street. An old, beat-up car staggered past, its engine backfiring and subwoofers kicking. It passed without slowling, turning down a sidestreet, abandoning him to a purely empty block.

As his eyes took in the nearby street signs, he quickly realized he hadn't made it very far at all. A mile or so, at the furthest. A rush of frustration tore through him, and he slammed his fist into a nearby wall with a raspy cry.

It didn't matter how fast or how far he ran… he'd never get away…

If only he were Wally…

That thought laced itself around his chest, and squeezed. He stared at his ragged feet, frowning to himself. Wally… of all the people to think about…

His eyes wandered. They roamed around the city street, taking in everything without much thought. After a moment, he realized his attention had caught on something. A phonebooth. So rare in this city, yet here one was, as though placed there just so he could stumble across it. Plexiglass panels tagged with spraypaint, a wire hanging where a phonebook should be. Robin swallowed hard, then limped towards it, heaving the rusted door open with some difficulty, then closing it behind him, leaning against the wall with his head pressed to the window. He was still struggling for breath, and again felt like he wanted to cry, yet couldn't. Frustratingly couldn't. A sound distracted him, and he turned his focus to the telephone. It hung slightly off its hook, beeping endlessly. He wondered how long it'd done that for, in this age of cell phones. Weeks? Months? How long since anyone had used this phone? He reached out and clutched the receiver, twisting it and letting it fall in place on the hook. The world plunged into a deathly, overwhelming silence. His shuddering hand lingered on the smooth surface of the handset, before tensing and picking it up again. The silence was replaced by the antiquated sound of a dial tone. It hummed through the air like a song.

Robin just stared at it, grimly. A random idea snuck into his mind, and rooted itself deeply, refusing to leave. A knot formed in his stomach, and he could hear his heart pounding in his ears.

No… he couldn't... shouldn't… He didn't deserve to be found. Not by anyone.

But his hand was already digging in his pockets, sifting through the loose change nearly out of reach, as baggy as the pants were. Quarters scraped through the coin slot, and hesitant fingers dialed three buttons.

"Information," said a bored voice on the other end. Robin pulled the receiver to his ear, staring at the twisted phone cord with that lump in his throat.

"I'm looking for a phone number… mobile phone… Keystone City… …Wallace West…"

"Please hold."

He nodded unnecessarily. He placed his other shaking hand into his pocket, his fingers grazing the thin plastic of the sandwich bag inside. After a moments rummaging, he realized the bag wasn't sealed, and he closed his hands around a few of the tiny white tablets inside, pulling his hand out and staring down at them, all while he waited, his heart pounding painfully fast.

"Okay, sir. I have the number for you—"

"I don't have any paper… Could you patch me through…?" he murmured weakly.

"Sure. Thank you for dialing information."

She was gone, and a dull ringing pierced his ear. Anxiety clutched him like a vice, and he leaned against the wall of the phone booth, rolling the little pills between his fingers absentmindedly.

"Hello?"

Robin lost his breath. He stared out through the tagged plexiglass, unable to speak. He pulled the receiver from his ear and held it over the hook, but couldn't hang it up. He wavered, switching between putting the handset back to his ear and hanging it on the hook. Wally's voice spoke up again, a little less bored sounding, a little more persistent. "Hello?"

"Wally…" he finally murmured into the receiver, clenching his eyes shut and grasping the receiver with both hands. "It's me."

Silence. For a moment, he wondered if he ran out of time on the payphone. "Hey…" Wally finally spoke up, a hint of disbelief to his young voice. "Um… what… what's up?"

"Can you meet me?" Robin couldn't even believe his own words, his eyes falling closed. "In like thirty minutes, can you meet me?"

"Um, yeah… of course. I, um… why?-I mean, where?"

He sounded so flustered. Robin's lips twitched like he wanted to smile at that. His naked eyes glanced out into the city beyond his phone booth, at the lights of the nearby skyscrapers. He could make out the letters that spelled out "WAYNE" on one of the taller ones.

"Corner of 4th and Main. Number 1634… it's my favorite spot in the city…" He mentally kicked himself. Why the hell was he saying that? He licked his lips and grimaced at the taste. "Thirty minutes. And… and civilian clothes."

"Okay." Silence again on the other line. "Robin, is somethi—"

But the Titan was already hanging up the line. Coins chunked through the machine, chiming against one another as they appeared in the slot in the bottom of the payphone. He stared at them dully, then turned away, back out into the city. He froze a moment just beyond the door to the phonebooth, before bringing his hand up and swallowing the pills he'd been playing with the whole time.

What did anyone care? It wasn't like anything really mattered anymore, anyway…

He made his way with hurried steps to a busy intersection nearby. Somehow, he managed to hail down a taxi as it rattled past and clumsily got into the backseat, where the elderly driver eyed him suspiciously through the rearview mirror.

"Aren't you a little young to be out this late?"

"Step-dad's an ass," Robin mumbled simply, pulling out the largest bill he could find in his spoils and flashing it for the cab driver to see. The saggy eyes in the mirror widened to their full extent.

"Okay, pal. Where we headed, then?"

The car lurched forward as Robin told the driver his instructions, then settled into his seat, his head propped against the door. He gazed through the window numbly. The thick trunk of a lonely tree passed as a plur, and his stomach wrenched and twisted with sickness. He screwed his eyes tight, but the shape of the tree lingered in his mind's eye. In his hand, he absentmindedly played with another small, smooth little tablet from his pocket. It was gone before the trip was over.

* * *

This wasn't supposed to happen again.

Raven stood in the empty command center, leaning against the computer console, the enormous computer screen before her a jumble of various windows of information. Continuously updated police reports, security cameras, her teammates faces from their communicators as they checked in with what news they had, which typically was none at all.

She couldn't help but feel guilt, feel some amount of blame. She had known how jumbled up Robin had been inside, known how unlike himself he'd been acting. She should have seen this coming – and on some levels, she had. But she hadn't done her share to prevent it. Hadn't done anything. Hadn't even really _noticed_ until it was too late and Robin had run out to do something stupid.

Her violet eyes scanned the screen as she fought to bury those feelings. There was nothing that could be done about the past. All that was important now was tracking down where he'd gone. What had happened. But what little information she had found only served to paint a very disastrous picture.

According to security within the Tower, Robin had snuck out nearly six hours earlier. Six hours. Plenty of time for the worst to happen. Cyborg had gone immediately to the warehouse, where he'd found the cameras dismantled by birdarangs. They'd tried finding Robin's locator signal, but had found out that its transmission along with his communicator had been interfered with. There was no way of figuring out where he'd ended up. Cyborg tried to figure it out through the cables in the cameras, but ended up electrocuted.

 _Come on_ , she thought desperately, eyes scanning the screen so intensely that she was surprised a hole didn't burn through it. _I need something… anything…_

Suddenly, a special report sprang up, direct from the police department. Raven let her fingers fly over the keys on their own, typing commands and codes.

A picture leapt to the screen, and she wheeled back with a gasp. Her heart froze in her chest, and her lungs lost every ounce of breath they had.

"No…" Her eyes widened at the thin, bloody figure sprawled on the screen. That familiar face, slackened with unconsciousness. Bare, exposed body covered in new bruises and blood. Lying in what appeared to be an alleyway, looking close to death… if he wasn't already…

She forced her attention away from the terrible site, looking instead at the report that had accompanied it. Further horror clutched her. According to it, the picture was spreading through the internet like a virus.

This wasn't good. This was not good. She knew what this meant. This was no longer personal. It was public. Horribly and completely public.

Robin was now in terrible danger, in more ways than one. At this rate, if they found Robin alive, it was unlikely Robin could keep being Robin anymore… not with everyone knowing about this…

She swallowed hard and grappled for the microphone, her voice laced with concern as she spoke up to the other Titans.

"I… just got something. …and it isn't good… it _really_ isn't good… We have to find him."

* * *

The streets had begun to grow quiet. The bars were closing, patrons staggering into the chilly night air, laughing, shouting, stumbling, puking. Conversations entwined with one another, voices murmuring about what to do now, whether or not to head to Justin's house and play Rock Band, whether or not to seek out IHOP and have some crepes, whether or not to go back to her place and see what happens.

No one paid much mind to the small gust of wind that breezed past, ruffling hair and skirts, making those without coats shiver a little and regret their decisions. No one noticed that there was suddenly a lanky, red-headed teenager walking down the road as though he'd always been there, pausing by a bus stop and looking around at the buildings. He glanced at the little clusters of people wandering around, then suddenly vanished again, so quickly that if anyone had noticed, they would've decided that maybe they'd had one shot of Jaeger too many.

Wally reemerged along an abandoned side street. He walked along with carefully paced steps, glancing around at the darkened storefronts and restaurants on either side of him, then up at the rows of windows above. A light shone here or there, some night owl still awake in their condo, or maybe someone had forgotten to turn a light off before heading to bed. He craned his head back further. Enormous skyscrapers stretched to the sky behind the row of buildings before him, like displeased teachers leaning over, preparing to scold cheating students

His eyes fell again, glancing around at the building facades, searching for the glint of metal numbers in the dim lighting of the street lamps.

 _Corner of Broadway and Main… 1634… civilian clothes…_

He shifted uncomfortably in said civilian clothes – a pair of jeans a size or two too big, held in place with a belt. A sweatshirt zipped protectively as high as it could go. His converse sneakers matched his hair, and both made him feel like a beacon in the otherwise black night, a target that could be easily taken down.

He glanced at his watch impatiently, then looked back up, searching once again for those elusive building numbers. The street lamps helped little – they seemed more spread apart and dimmer than streetlamps were supposed to be. He fought to make out the numbers above the doors as he walked along at a normal man's pace.

1654… 1648… 1640…

1634…

He stood before the building. A "For Lease" sign hung in the vacant storefront. Rows of windows stretched up high, and he tried to count the number of floors, but the feat hurt his neck. But really, there was absolutely nothing remarkable about this particular building.

 _Why here…? And where here?_

He cupped his hand and peeked into the store window, to find it predictably empty, then glanced at the door that led to tenements above and found that it was slightly ajar. He went inside quickly, snapping the door closed behind him with the utmost care, as though afraid to wake up anyone inside.

 _If I were Robin, where would I have gone?_

It was a stupid question. He kicked himself into high gear, barreling down the hall to the back stairwell, and following it all the way up to the rooftop door.

Wind and the warbling sound of sleeping birds greeted him as he opened the door wide. One pigeon was disturbed by his entrance, and it flapped angrily away as Wally climbed out onto the rooftop, wrapping his arms around himself as the wind filtered through his sweatshirt and caused him to give a little shudder.

Then he lifted his head, and blinked.

A figured stood at the edge of the rooftop, silhouetted against the backdrop of towering skyscrapers and lights. Wally knew who it was from the moment his eyes fell on him, but could barely believe it. What on earth was he wearing? He looked like some kind of thug from the streets.

He approached carefully, stopping a good ten feet from where the raven-haired boy stood staring out on the street below. Wally wavered anxiously where he stood, feeling as though a bubble surrounded the Boy Wonder, a barrier he could not pass without permission. He watched the back of his head for awhile, as though waiting for him to speak. It wasn't like Dick didn't know he was there – he'd been trained by the best, after all.

His eyes strayed a little, glancing out at the view beyond the building. Skyscrapers rose out before them, down the hills toward the sea. The building just to their right, high above them, flashed the word "Wayne" in enormous letters. And just beyond, out by the horizon, he could make out the familiar shape of Titan's tower, its glowing lights reflecting in the bay, along with the moon.

He could understand why Robin liked this view so well. He turned his attention back to the Boy Wonder, and finally spoke, hesitantly.

"Robin-?"

"I'm not in costume, Wally."

His response was flat, blunt. His head didn't even turn to address him, just speaking out to the cold night air. Wally swallowed hard, remembering what'd happened before, when he'd called him by his real name….

Wally glanced again out past the other boy. It wasn't the view that caught his attention this time. It was the height. It was the amount of vacant space that existed between Robin and the ground hundreds of feet below. A strange feeling curled up at the base of his spine and wouldn't go away. In fact, it only grew as the seconds passed. Against his better judgment, he took a few steps closer, challenging the invisible barrier he felt around the Boy Wonder. "What's going on?" he asked carefully, eyeing the edge of the rooftop, the space beyond it, and back to Dick once more. He took in the sight of the other boy. His baggy shirt – it had to be an XL, at least – his large shorts. He scowled in disapproval "What are you wearing?"

"Clothes."

Another blunt response. Wally took another couple of steps, but this time followed the invisible circle around Robin, so he remained the same distance away, but was able to peer upon the other hero from a different angle.

He wasn't wearing his mask. His hair hung in his eyes, blocking them a little from view, but Wally could still see his distant, empty gaze. There was a stark, almost horrifying paleness to his face.

Wally felt a shiver pass over him as he tore his gaze away and looked out over the ledge that was now pressed against his calf, at the sheer drop to the sidewalk below. The wind was whipping more fervently now, as though trying to grab him and pull him down.

They were so high up…

This wasn't anything unusual, right? Robin was always jumping off of high places, always standing on rooftops and looking over them. It's what he did, right?

So why did he feel like this?

"Dick… what's going on?" he asked again, carefully, like one would address a scared child.

Dick didn't speak a moment. He just continued to stare out at the street far below him. Wally followed his gaze nervously, but still didn't know why he felt so nervous.

"…what's it like, Wally?"

Wally blinked dully. "What's what like?"

""What's it like… to be able to move as fast as you do? …To be able to run away as fast as you do? To be able to just… be gone. Like that." He snapped his fingers by his side. His eyes hadn't strayed once from their position as he spoke, staring off into space like he was having some fantastic daydream. He continued on, a strange smile twitching on his face as the words left his mouth. "Gone away to someplace more pleasant… far away from everything… from your problems… from hell… What is that kind of freedom like?"

Wally stared at the other boy with growing concern, but found himself unable to speak. Dick glanced at him sideways, and their eyes connected for a moment, sending a strange rush of emotions through Wally's chest and arms. Then, Dick blurted out a strange noise – something caught between a laugh and a whimper – and turned away, shaking his head, looking back out at the world below.

"I can't…" His voice was lost to the wind, but Wally made out his lips movements. A clear rigidity shot through Dick's body, and he straightened a little, the wind tousling his hair as he spoke louder to the empty air. "I can't run. I can't just blink my eyes and be away from all of this. I can't do anything. I can't even fly. I call myself Robin, but I can't even fly!" He barked another odd laugh and shook his head again. "I try… god I really try… but all I do is fall… all I'll ever do is fall…"

"Dick."

Genuine fear was racing through Wally's heart as he found himself stepping forward, all thoughts of keeping his distance wiped clean by the hungry look in Dick's eyes as he stared at the fall before him. The speedster closed the gap between them in less than a second, snapping out a hand and clutching Dick's wrist in a steadfast grip, determined not to let go. He refused to blink as he watched him, swallowing hard, his heart thumping as he fought for the right words to say.

"You should step down from there…" he finally managed.

"You think I'll jump?"

Dick still wasn't looking at him. Wally could feel muscles in Dick's arms tensing beneath his grasp, and he adjusted his grip nervously. The familiar soft texture of skin pressed against his palm made his stomach twist as he gazed out at the drop beyond the Boy Wonder. He mulled the question over, and responded in a muted voice. "You're giving me that feeling, yes…"

"Come on, Wally. I'm not stupid." A dark look washed over the Boy Wonder's bare face. "Jumping wouldn't do a damn thing. You'd stop me before I hit the bottom."

"I'd still feel better if you stepped down, Dick." Wally tightened his grip a little more, swallowing hard. "Please…"

For what felt like an eternity, nothing happened. The wind swept around them, disheveling hair, biting at their skin. Wally held fast, his palm beginning to sweat from clutching so relentlessly. He refused to let go, but he couldn't simply pull Dick to safety. No… he needed to see him make that decision himself.

At long last, Dick sighed, and took the small step down off the raised ledge of the building. Wally tightened his grip, indicating silently that he wanted Dick to move further back, and with some clear reluctance, the other hero complied, allowing the redheaded boy to steer him a good distance back, then stand between him and the edge of the roof. Feeling only a little better, Wally slackened his hold a little, allowing Dick's arm to slide away until their fingers met. He held them gently, his heart pounding in his chest, so many emotions mixed up as he looked up into Dick's face, half hidden beneath his dark bangs.

What was going on? Why had Dick called him here after what'd happened back at the Tower earlier? Why was he acting so odd, terrifying him so much? He glanced down at their hands, lightly running his fingertips along the others'. Why hadn't Robin pulled away, like he expected him to?

He looked back up, catching those brilliant blue eyes staring into his right before his mind was swept away by the touch of lips against his own, by the feel of Dick's body pressed tightly against him. All the concern and dread he'd felt so strongly dissipated at once, and he leaned in eagerly, almost desperately. His hands shook as he grabbed hold of the other boy, his mind and body melting, rejoicing, as he fell deeper into the moment. Fingers caressed his jawline. Hungry lips fought for dominance. It was overwhelming, the touch of his hands, the scent of his body, the strange taste on his lips.

Dick's lips strayed away, gently kissing across Wally's cheek, down his jawline, to his neck. Wally couldn't help but moan against the sensations running through his body, but his mind was slowly returning, with a terrible vengeance.

 _Something doesn't feel right about this…_

"Dick…" he managed to utter, his voice thick and husky inside his own head. Dick didn't answer, his lips suckling hard on the sensitive spot between Wally's neck and shoulder, sending tingling flashes of lightning through his body. Wally clenched his eyes tight, fighting to suppress the new moan building up in his throat, fighting to find his breath, to calm himself down despite the hormones that demanded control. His hands wandered up Robin's torso, finding his shoulders and gently steering him back, breaking his hold. Dick glanced up with wide, almost confused eyes, and Wally felt that same knot forming in his stomach again. "Dick, what's going on?"

Dick's eyes held his. A spasm of something like terror shot through them before they grew distant, like they had been before. He gave a small, dismissive laugh, shaking his head. "Nothing."

"You're such a terrible liar."

Robin just breathed a false laugh, and looked away. Wally stared into that face gently, frowning a little as he noticed the slight discoloration on the other side of Robin's face. He lifted a hand, tenderly running his thumb along his bruised cheek and jaw with a sorrowful look. "Was that where Star…?"

"Huh…? Oh… right… Starfire…" Robin's hand reached up, as though he'd just remembered the bruising was there. Their hands grazed one another softly, until Dick laid his firmly on top, pressing Wally's palm against his face. He released a sigh, leaning into it.

"Does it hurt?"

"No more than anything else…"

Wally thought about it a moment, remembering the cuts, the bruises, the bandages. All the remnants of what'd happened earlier that week. He felt a rush of remorse, but couldn't think of anything to say.

Dick's blue eyes swiftly flicked back up to him, his face lighting up as though an idea just came to him. "Wally… let's run away."

"What?"

A weak, hopeful smile spread across Dick's lips as he gripped Wally by the arms. "J-just us. Let's just get away from here. From them. From all the bullshit. Find a place where we can hide. Where no one can find us, not even Slade. …Just you and me."

Wally didn't move. His mouth hung open in disbelief, his heart fluttering hard in his chest as he stared into those hopeful eyes. Run away…? Just the two of them…? Did that mean…?

Wally blinked a few time, pressing his lips together as he glanced around, trying to make sense of all of it. It just didn't feel right, any of this. He thought of how Robin had treated him back at the Tower, how he'd clearly cared more about Starfire than about him, how he clearly felt that Kid Flash was the reason Slade had…. He swallowed hard, shaking his head, feeling his heart sinking in his chest. "This isn't about me at all, is it…?" he murmured quietly. "It's not that you want to be with me… you just don't want to be here."

Robin's expression fell a little, the light that had sparkled in his eyes for that small moment dimming again.

"Dick, in all the time that I've known you, I've never known you to run away from anything. What exactly are you trying to run from? Is it Slade? Because we can help protect you—"

"Who's 'we'?" Dick suddenly spat, throwing out his hands and looking around. "Cuz I don't see anyone here but you!"

"You know who I mean. Yeah, Star might take a while to ever forgive you but I don't think the others would – "

"What?" Dick interrupted with a seething look. "Don't think the others would what? Give up on me?"

"Exactly." Wally spoke firmly, with pure conviction. "They're your friends. After everything you guys have been through, they would never-"

"They don't want to have anything to do with me." Dick strode forward with his hands burying into his baggy pockets, brushing by Wally with his hair hanging in his face. "And I don't want to have anything to do with them…"

"Why? What happened?"

"Nothing!"

Robin had his back to him. A tense moment passed, during which his shoulders began to hunch towards his fallen black hair. When he finally spoke again, his voice was strained and weak. "I just can't take it anymore, Wally… the way they look at me, the way they treated me after Slade… And now, it's only a matter of time before everyone…. before Bruce…"

His voice tapered off. Wally just gaped, almost stunned stupid. He was not expecting that name to pop up. "Dick… what—"

"Nothing." There was that word again. Wally scowled a little and moved forward, grasping Dick's arm and forcing him around.

"Damnit, Dick. Stop saying that. Something is definitely wrong and I just want to-"

His voice vanished as he looked on the Boy Wonder. Dick had a peculiar look to his face, a strange, almost dreamy smile as he looked up at Wally with those hazy blue eyes. Wally gaped down at him, stunned.

"None of it matters," Dick murmured quietly. The wind kicked up around them, making his hair and shirt flutter harshly. "It just… doesn't matter. I got what was coming to me. I mean… I kinda deserved it…"

"No one deserves what happened to you." Wally spoke sternly, defiantly. "No one."

"…What about Slade? Does he deserve it?"

Wally swallowed hard, but couldn't respond. Robin simply chuckled, twisting his head away. "Whatever. It doesn't matter. None of it matters."

"I don't like you saying that."

"You don't like anything I've been saying."

"Because everything you're saying is scaring me. I'm not an idiot, Dick. Something is seriously wrong and you're not telling me what!"

"It's because I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to think about it. I just… I just want to be with you. I just… wanted to see you."

Dick spoke in a halting way, as though distracted by something unseen. He frowned a little, lifting a hand and looking over it, as though confused by it. Wally stared at it too, uncertain. "Does it hurt?"

"No… In fact… nothing hurts anymore…" A strange grin stretched over his face again, his eyes falling half-closed. "That's so cool."

Warning bells rang in Wally's head. He clutched Robin's shoulders tightly, forcing him to look at him. "Dick. Are you high or something?"

"Or something…"

Wally clutched his face with his hands, looking at him closely. Dick's gaze met his reluctantly, still smiling weakly, like an idiot walking through a dream. "Dick, what did you take?"

Robin laughed, then leaned forward, as though to kiss him again. "You're so cute when you're playing detective."

"Stop that, Dick!" he forced him back a little too strongly, eyes widening with terror. "What did you take?"

Panic and disbelief coursed through him as he watched the hazy expression on Robin's face. Everything felt so wrong. Dick would _never_ do something like that. What had gotten into him? What had happened to make him act this way?

Dick didn't answer. In a blink of an eye, Wally began patting him down, digging through the strange clothes Robin was wearing, turning out his pockets. A plastic bag fluttered out, and he snatched it and held it out numbly. "Dick… what was in this?"

Dick shrugged, still smiling. Wally grimaced in frustration. "Dammit, Dick! What did you take?"

"I'm not too sure, actually… whatever was in there…"

"How much? What all was in here?"

Another shrug. Wally shook his head. This just didn't make sense. It was just too stupid. Not only would Dick never do something like this, but he knew better than to…

"It doesn't matter, Wally. I'll be fine."

Wally looked up at the wistful look on the other boy's face. And then, it clicked. It clicked like a sledgehammer through his chest. His mouth fell open in horror.

 _It doesn't matter…. None of it matters…._

"Dick… you didn't…"

"Didn't what?"

It wasn't really a question, more of a challenge. Challenging him to say it out loud, to admit it, to make it more real. Wally found his grip tightening on the other's arms, full panic seizing him. "We need to get you help…"

"No. I'll be fine…" He was trying to step away, forcing himself out of Wally's relentless grasp.

"I'm not going to stand here and let you overdose. I won't let you kill yourself like this!"

He said it. The words ripped his heart apart as he desperately clutched the raven-haired boy he'd grown so attached to. But Dick didn't even appear to be listening. His Adam's apple bobbed in his throat, as his eyes stared off, apparently looking right through Wally, as though he wasn't there.

"Let me just have a little of this… please, Wally… let me just…" A strange, wheezy laugh leapt from him, his eyes glancing around like he couldn't see anymore. "Enjoy this. This feeling. No more pain… or burdens… Just… freedom."

"Dick…" Dread was clutching him ever tighter. He reached up and cupped Dick's shaking face in his hands. Horror struck him hard. Dick's skin was burning, and he could feel his heart beating far too fast through the veins in his neck. This was bad. This was so bad.

Suddenly, Dick looked up at him, locking eyes with him, making the whole world stand still. Shaking hands clasped onto Wally's shirt tightly, fingers tangling themselves into the cotton material. A weak, shuddering smile crossed the Boy Wonder's pale face. He opened his mouth to speak, but it seemed to take him awhile to string the words together. Finally, he spoke, in a strained, weak whisper. "I feel like I'm flying, Wally…"

And then, for the first time in his life, Wally saw tears streaming down Dick's face. He stared into those misty blue eyes, unable to breathe, unable to think. His own blue eyes began to water as he watched him, held him.

Then, time seemed to speed up again, unbearably fast, as Dick suddenly moaned and folded in half, his grip loosening from his shirt as he reached to clutch at his own chest. Wally's desperate scream was lost on the wind as he caught the boy before he hit the ground. Tears of panic and pure dread blurred his vision as he clutched Dick tightly to him, pleading with him, begging him to hold on. He glanced around frantically as he grappled for that pulse in his neck, hyperventilating as his mind was lost to panic. This wasn't happening. None of this was happening. He couldn't lose him this way.

His eyes fell on the T-shaped lights of Titans Tower in the distance.

In a rush of movement, the two teens vanished from the rooftop. The buildings and streets whipped by, mere blurs of light and dark, as Wally bore the fading Titan back home, his brain screaming hysterically inside his head as tears streamed unchecked down his cheeks.

 _Hang on, Dick. For fuck's sake, don't do this to me!_

… _don't do this to me…_

* * *


	11. Just Be Gentle

_Just be gentle, be gentle, be gentle  
And I'll be gentle,  
be gentle,  
be gentle,  
be gentle with you_

 __

* * *

" _His scent ends. It just ends right here."_

"Ends? What do you mean it ends?"

" _Just what I said. He must've jumped in a car or something, because right here, I don't smell him anymore. The trail just… stops."_

"Where's 'here', Bea."

" _Uhhhh, Copper Street and Bellmont. Look, I'm gonna backtrack. His scent was really strong around a phone booth back there. I'll see if I can come up with anything there, okay?"_

"Yeah, yeah, do that…"

" _And I am afraid I have not found any sign of him, either, Cyborg."_

"Right… just keep looking, Star…"

Cyborg lifted a hand and squeezed the bridge of his nose, his thumb pushing against his one human eye socket while a groan rumbled in the back of his throat. Lights flashed through his eyelids, blue and red, over and over. The lights of paramedics, picking up the severely beaten up gang members.

He couldn't believe it. He just couldn't believe it. He'd driven right by Robin, had looked _right at him_ , and hadn't stopped. But he hadn't known – how _could_ he have known? He'd never seen Robin without his mask before, and at the time he'd thought that his friend was still trapped in Slade's sick, twisted little clutches. But when he'd stumbled upon the beaten up gangsters, and then Raven forwarded the picture…. And that's when he realized what had happened, what he had done. But by the time the realization struck him, it'd been too late. Robin was long gone.

But the phone booth… had Robin made a call? But if he had, why wouldn't he have called _them?_ And for that matter, why hadn't Robin flagged him down when he'd passed? It just didn't make any sense. _None_ of this made any sense.

 _What's going on, Robin…_

Cyborg sighed, rubbing the back of his neck and glancing out of the corner of his eye. The ambulances were just around the corner, their lights bleeding into the walls of the buildings around them. The robotic teen swallowed uneasily as he watched them, grateful he couldn't see what was going on. The gang members had been messed up pretty badly. One was particularly injured, sick from digesting the battery acid from his own cell phone. Another had lost two teeth and had a broken wrist. The investigators were asking too many questions, and the thugs that could still speak were more than willing to comply if it meant making the Teen Titans look bad.

It wasn't good… first the picture, now this… it was going to take a hell of a lot of PR work to cover this mess up…

Cyborg exhaled harshly before turning to the T-car. There wasn't really much else to do here. He'd done his Titans duty helping the injured men (even though he wanted to bash their faces in himself, for snapping that picture), but now he had to move on. He had to track down Robin. They had to find him. The whole situation left a rotten feeling in the pit of his stomach. He was worried. He was more worried for his friend than he'd ever been before, and considering Robin's aptitude for getting into trouble, that was saying something.

He scrambled into the driver's seat and pulled the ignition, the lights on the console roaring to life with the engine. The tires squealed painfully as he tore off, barreling down the road, heading toward Beast Boy, whose locator signal flashed a good mile away on the GPS system.

He found the green Titan as a mangy hound dog, hovering around an old, graffiti phone booth like he was looking for a place to mark his territory. As the car pulled up and stopped beside him, the canine lifted its head curiously. Cyborg rolled down his window and leaned forward.

"Got anything?" he called out.

"He definitely used it," Beast Boy muttered as he returned to normal, stepping up to the car and leaning in through the open window. He frowned in concern. "His scent is all over the receiver and buttons, and there's a couple coins left in the return slot. My nose is good, but I can't figure out exactly which buttons he pushed. D'you think you'd be able to—"

"Already on it," Cyborg said, fingers flying on the computer display where a stereo would be in any other car. His artificial heart drummed a little faster in his chest. It was a lead. If they could just figure out whom he'd called…

Beast Boy remained uncharacteristically silent as the larger teen went to work cracking into the phone system. He hung his head through the open window, scratching his head with both hands then looking around, a little helpless. This was just so bizarre. Why wouldn't Robin have called them? They had a special line for things like this, after all. The whole situation just felt messed up.

A sound caught their attention. Beast Boy lifted his head, following Cyborg's gaze to the monitor screen, where a notification was flashing in the bottom corner, indicating a call was coming in from Raven's communicator. Cyborg hit a button. "Go ahead, Rae. What do you got for us?"

A face appeared on the screen, overriding Cyborg's phone-hacking attempt. But it wasn't Raven's. For a second, neither of them was sure who it was.

"Kid Flash?" Cyborg asked incredulously, eyes widening at the unmasked hero. Beast Boy gaped stupidly, then sputtered "What the-what're you doing there? Where's Raven?"

There was a hint of recoil in the speedster's pale face at their voices, as though their very stares were trying to bowl him over. He swallowed hard, clearly trying to remain brave and calm. "She's… busy. She asked me to—"

"…It was you," Cyborg whispered as the pieces locked into place inside his head. "You were the one he called." Surprisingly, he didn't feel any suspicion or resentment. In fact, he felt a small rush of relief as he leaned in towards the display. "Kid Flash, where is he? Is he okay?"

The redhead didn't speak, his eyes averting from the communicator. Cyborg felt his stomach plummet.

He had a terrible feeling he knew why Raven was busy…

"Kid Flash, what happened?"

Kid Flash took a harsh breath, and spoke in a strained voice, like he had to forcibly make the words exit his mouth. "He's not doing good. Raven's trying but—You guys need to hurry back cuz he… he might not..."

"Might not what?" spoke up another voice. It was Starfire, patching through from her communicator. Her voice was high with fear. "What's happened to him?"

Kid Flash flinched fully away at her voice, eyes clamping shut and head turning. "I'm sorry, you guys. I'm so, so sorry. I didn't… I didn't know… He just called me and I went to see him but I didn't know that he would try to…" He cut himself off again, shaking his head.

"Try to what?" Cyborg demanded, anger fueled by terror rising in his voice. "Kid Flash-!"

Raven's voice suddenly cried out from beyond the screen, and Kid Flash looked up in horror. Cyborg opened his mouth to demand more of an explanation, but the connection cut out, leaving the two boys in horrible, painful silence. After a moment, Cyborg glanced at the green changeling, who looked back with a lost, stunned expression.

"He made it sound like he's… but… Robin can't… he would never…"

The word was never spoken, but it hung in the air like a mist.

 _Robin would never die on us…_

"Just get back to the Tower," Cyborg stammered hastily, hands snapping out to grab the shift stick. Beast Boy stepped back without a word, morphing into a pterodactyl and flapping off with a low squawk. Cyborg's hands shook as he threw his car into gear and pulled a u-turn, speeding as he shot through deserted intersections, his heart pounding with dread as he realized the distance he had to cover to get back to the tower.

"Goddammit, Robin," he muttered out loud to his steering wheel as he squealed around a corner, clutching the steering wheel so tight he thought his knuckle joints would shatter. "You spiky haired little… Don't you die on us… Don't you _dare_ die on us…" As he said it out loud, his entire stomach and chest seemed to flood with cold water, choking his insides and sending a harsh sound through his throat. He was dying… his best friend was dying but he didn't know why, didn't even know how. He wasn't dying when he saw him just an hour ago. And how was Kid Flash involved in all of this? And why did he have to drive so far to get there?

He glanced out his window as he raced down another vacant stretch of road. Time seemed to slow as he passed the block where he knew he'd seen Robin before. For a moment, he imagined the boy was standing there again, wearing the clothes he'd stolen from the gang members he'd beaten. He imagined those eyes, unmasked, cold and dead as they watched him pass, catching his gaze for just a moment.

But then, just as suddenly as the memory grasped him, it vanished, leaving the empty, lonely street.

Rage and guilt welled up in Cyborg's chest, and he slammed his fist against the dashboard, putting a dent in the metal surface as he found himself screaming to his empty car at the top of his lungs. "Don't you dare die on me!"

* * *

It was all just one terrible blur. Somehow, time seemed to move so fast that not even he could keep up. Just a manic jumble of moments that would be impossible for him to piece together again, once all was said and done. Pounding on the Tower door, screaming for help. Raven throwing the communicator at him, begging him to tell the others as she struggled to help her dying teammate. Her outcry as Dick began convulsing. How he'd had to hold him down while she shoved tubes down his throat to suck out any undigested drugs. The others' arriving, one right after the other. The horror and shock on their faces as they tried to help. A cavalcade of questions, begging for answers.

Wally tried to be strong, to keep calm, to not let the shock and guilt get to him. But once enough hands were there to help where help was needed. Once no one demanded him to hold him down or get this or that, his repressed emotions caught up to him, and found himself backing against the far wall, shaking, lungs paralyzed as he watched the others grappling to keep the boy alive.

But he was dying… Dick was dying...

A wave of dizziness and nausea passed over the speedster, and the next thing he knew, he was on the floor, the putrid stench of vomit in his nose and mouth. Voices were still shouting from somewhere, and he felt a pair of arms wrap around him, holding him up off the floor. A gentle embrace.

He gagged, dry heaving as he stared down at the floor, disoriented by his shock and confused by the arms clutching him so tenderly. A strange aroma surrounded him, and a voice murmured quietly beside him.

"It is okay, Kid Flash. Robin will be okay…."

He recognized the voice with a rush of guilt and despair. A sob barreled through him, and he dropped his weight against her grasp, as though to fall away from her. But Starfire held him steady, resting her head against his shoulder, clasping her eyes shut.

"Star, I'm sorry," Kid Flash wept, clutching at her wrists with trembling hands, bending double. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…"

It was all he could say. It was all he knew how to say. Starfire didn't respond, but hugged him tighter, tears streaming down her own cheeks.

The other Titans looked on with clouded expressions. No one spoke. As Kid Flash's choked sobs slowly dwindled to weak whimpers, then finally just soft, exhausted breathing, the only sound remaining in the room was the high call of the heart rate monitor, keeping time of Robin's life with a struggling cadence.

It was a welcomed sound. A lingering hope. Kid Flash felt his own heartbeat inside his lungs, between Starfire's tight embrace. He was afraid the moment would disappear. He was afraid that the next thing anyone said would be the one thing he didn't want to hear. _We tried everything we could… but he didn't…_

He hung his head limply, still trembling fiercely, tears somehow still trickling even though he no longer had the strength to openly cry. How could this have happened…? How could Robin have possibly have thought that this was the only way…? How could he be so _stupid…_?

"Kid Flash…?" a voice murmured quietly. With great difficulty, he lifted his head, Cyborg's face swimming in and out of focus with every buildup of tears. Cyborg's face wasn't unfriendly. There was no bitterness or loathing or distrust in his expression. Just sorrow, and a desire for understanding. "I need you to come back to the here and now. Talk to us. What happened? What did he say to you?"

Kid Flash swallowed hard. His mouth was dry, still tasting of stomach acid. He tried to speak, but broke into a coughing fit, tears stinging his eyes again.

"Come on, let's get you cleaned up…" Strong hands grasped his arms, pulling him to his feet. He found himself being steered toward the door, but he struggled to try and release himsef from their grip with a small yelp.

"No! No… I'm- I'm not leaving… I won't…"

He turned to look at the fallen Titan. The sight wrenched his empty stomach in two. Dick's face was so pale, his face hidden behind a labyrinth of pipes and tubes that were keeping him alive. More tubes siphoned out the drugs poisoning his system, replacing them with clean blood. Electrodes wired to his brain and heart, monitoring his vitals. Wally's glassy gaze flickered to the screens. He couldn't really tell what the monitors were indicating, but it didn't look good… the slowing rhythm of his heart beat… the way the lines moved on the charts…

A hand clutched his shoulder. "Then sit down. Over here."

"Can I have some water?" he croaked mechanically, allowing himself to be led to a seat in the far corner of the room. A glass of water appeared after a few moments, and he choked it down, the cup shaking in his hands. When he swallowed the last drop, he lowered the cup to his lap, staring into it contemplatively.

"I knew something was wrong right away, you guys… I just knew. I thought he was going to jump… but he said that was stupid. I could catch him without breaking a sweat. But the way he was talking… the way he…" he broke off, glancing around uncomfortably, narrowing avoiding making eye contact with Starfire. "…he kissed me… I knew something was really wrong. But I didn't know that he'd gone that far til right before he collapsed… and it was only just after then that I brought him home…"

"What exactly did he say?"

Wally wracked his muddled brain, frowning hard as he struggled to piece together the night's events. "He said he wanted to run away with me." He could practically feel Star's eyes burning into his skull, and he kept his gaze purposely focused on his cup. "But, I knew it wasn't because he wanted to be with me... it was because of what was going on here… with Slade and everything… He said that you guys… didn't want to deal with him anymore. And he mentioned something about everyone, I dunno, learning about something…"

"So you haven't seen it…" Cyborg spoke up.

Wally lifted his head, alert. "Seen what?"

The four Titans were all looking at one another, and Wally felt his heart sink again, long before Cyborg turned to the computer nearby and opened up the file for him to see.

He couldn't believe it. His heart seized hard in his chest and he almost bent double again. He had to close his eyes and turn away from it. He didn't want to see it, but the image was already permanently emblazoned into his head.

"It's been circling the internet. We have bots attempting to broadcast the idea that it's a hoax, but so far, no one's buying. Tomorrow, a news report will have the ones who took the snapshot telling their story – complete with the injuries that Robin inflicted on them."

Kid Flash felt his stomach turn. "You don't think they'll figure out who he really is…?"

"I don't think that's their objective," Raven spoke up. "They just want to smear the reputation of Robin and the Titans. This whole fiasco, even if we get it under control, is going to make the general population – and Robin's guardian – question whether kids like us should be vigilantes. And Robin… just think of what his enemies would do with this information…."

Kid Flash nodded weakly. A lump formed in his throat, and he focused his attention on his cup once again. "This is all my fault, isn't it?"

The room became so silent, one would've heard a fly buzzing on the furthest wall. Wally clenched his eyes tight and hung his head, as though in prayer.

"It would be too easy to only blame you," Cyborg murmured quietly. "But you're only as guilty as the rest of us."

Wally snapped his head up so fast it hurt. "Are you crazy? I started all of this!"

"You did not tell Slade to do those terrible things to Robin," Starfire spoke up in a soft cadence, her face grave. "You did not tell Robin to ingest the illegal drug tablets."

"I saw him before he called you, but I didn't recognize him without his mask…" Cyborg's eyes narrowed darkly. "If I'd only known… I could've helped him… could've prevented this…"

"I knew about his personal demons," rasped Raven, face half-hidden in her cloak. "But I didn't think to watch over him, to make sure he didn't run off. I should have known better."

"And I should not have gotten so mad… not while he was dealing with the burden of Slade's actions…"

"I didn't do anything," Beast Boy spoke up with a yawn. Four pairs of eyes turned on him, blazing dangerously. He choked on his yawn, leaping back towards the door. "I'll go… get us something to eat, ya? Heh… heh heh…"

"Anyways," Cyborg continued after Beast Boy clumsily stumbled his way out the door. "Mistakes were made everywhere. Honestly, if Slade hadn't done what he did, then everything else wouldn't have caused him so much stress… This whole love triangle thing would've just worked itself out…"

Kid Flash and Starfire purposely avoided gazes, each staring determinedly at the floor.

"But no one goes through what Robin went through and expects to be able to just dust themselves off and keep going like nothing ever happened. It doesn't work like that. So in that sense, even Robin is to blame, for assuming he could."

"And for giving up, when it all blew up on him…" Raven spoke up wearily.

Wally nodded dumbly, twisting his empty cup absentmindedly in his hands. That picture still lingered like a demon on the inside of his mind…. "So… what happens now?"

Cyborg sighed, and for the first time, his mental exhaustion showed fully on his face. "Now, we wait. Wait to see what happens. His condition is still critical. There's no telling yet what kind of damage the overdose caused his body. Or his brain… or heart…" His voice tapered off, and he rubbed his head pensively. "It's been a long night. It'd probably be a good idea for everyone to go get some rest—"

"No," came the immediate response on all sides, three pairs of eyes now hooked on the cybernetic Titan with fierce determination. Cyborg's lips twitched with something like a smile, as Robin's heart monitor filled in the silence.

"Could've seen that one coming…" he said simply. "And as for you, Kid Fla—"

The door to the room opened with the hiss of hydraulics, and the group turned to find Beast Boy in the doorway. The skin of his face look sickly pale, and he seemed out of breath.

"Beast Boy? What is wrong?" Starfire asked, stepping toward him.

"Uh… well… we got a phone call… up at the command center…"

"Who is it…?" Cyborg looked wary as he joined Starfire's side.

"Uh… heh…" Beast Boy rubbed the back of his head, looking faint. "It's, um… it's Batman…?"

No one spoke. Kid Flash felt the floor drop beneath him, and he pressed his face in his hands with a weak moan. "He's seen the picture…"

"What did you tell him?" Cyborg went on with strained urgency, as he rounded on Beast Boy.

"I… well, I sorta, kinda… screamed? And ran away like a little girl?"

This time, Cyborg was the one to drop his face into his hands. "You're not exactly helping us here, Bea—"

"I'm sorry! I panicked! It's BATMAN! He's terrifying enough, without his face taking up the whole window of the command center!"

"Do you want me to…" began Kid Flash weakly, trying to get to his feet.

"No. I'll handle it. All of you, just stay here… I'll…" Cyborg's eyes flickered towards Robin, and he swallowed hard. "I'll think of something."

Kid Flash watched in quiet horror as the oldest Titan marched from the room. Gazes darted around, no one sure what to do or say. Wally let his eyes wander back to the boy lying on the hospital bed.

"Hey… guys?" he spoke up, after moment of screwing up his courage. "I… um… would you all totally kill me if I… asked to sit with him alone for a little bit?"

No one answered. Everyone's attention turned to Starfire, who had visibly stiffened where she stood, her lips pressed firmly together as she stared at the redheaded speedster. After a few seconds, she realized everyone was staring at her, and glanced away, frowning hard.

"I will not kill you."

"Are you saying that only because you'd never kill anyone, or…?" Starfire shot Beast Boy a harsh look, and the green changeling quickly shut his trap.

"I do not wish to kill him…" Starfire looked back at Wally, and the speedster was astonished to see that her face was almost kind. "You may sit with him for a time. We will not interrupt."

That familiar rush of guilt and shame peaked in his chest as Starfire turned, heading for the door. Raven and Beast Boy exchanged bewildered looks before taking her lead. But before she made it to the door, Kid Flash found himself on his feet. "Starfire… why… why are you being so nice to me?" His mind cast back to before… first when she seemed ready to kill him in the gym… but then, to when she was holding him as the world crashed around him. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he stepped forward, almost pleadingly. "You shouldn't be this nice to me. You should be hating me. Why aren't you hating me?"

"I was wondering the same—ow!" Raven elbowed Beast Boy hard in the ribs, and threw him a look that told him to stay quiet.

Starfire, however, turned to face the speedster again. She looked enormously tired, somber, weighed down by a heavy burden. "Because… you have made it clear that you love Robin as much as I do. That is not something either of us can control, as it is impossible to suddenly stop loving someone who has taken our heart. It's up to him - not you or I - who he decides to return that love to, if he survives at all…" Her composure broke for the first time, her eyes blinking repeatedly as she looked over at the boy lying on the bed. Wally again felt remorse for her, knowing full well the longing expression carved into her face. "It hurts me to think that he may choose to be with you… but now is not the time to even think of it. I'd much rather he be alive and happy with you than dead."

"I'm not at all convinced he'd even pick me, Star…" Wally muttered quietly, his own eyes gazing upon the Boy Wonder sadly. "He definitely seems to care about you much more than me… Sometimes I wonder if he cares about me at all… about my feelings or… anything…"

His face darkened as he remembered them on the rooftop. Robin wanted to run away… but not to be with him, but rather for his own selfish reasons… so selfish that even if Wally had said yes, he wouldn't have survived their destination – the drugs had begun poisoning his body long before Wally had even arrived.

"No matter what happens, Kid Flash," Star continued, her eyes shining as she looked at him, "I will always be grateful to you, for bringing him home."

"Can't be grateful yet, Star… he needs to pull through first…." He slowly stepped forward, making his way to the Boy Wonder's side. He stared down at him, passed the tubes and the wires, trying to imagine his face without all of it, trying to imagine his smile. It was near impossible. Without even thinking about what he was doing, his fingers found his way to Dick's forehead, tracing his hairline tenderly. The familiar soft touch of his skin and dark locks caused a lump to form in his throat.

"Come on," Raven hissed quietly. Wally could see them out of the corner of his eye, a short, dark figure waving the others out the door. "We'll be in the next room, Kid Flash, if you need us. You have fifteen minutes."

"Kay…" he managed to croak, his fingers shaking a little as they traced that border between dark hair and pale skin once again. He managed to wait until the door closed, signifying their departure, before he dropped his head, his forehead resting against Dick's. It was clammy, beads of sweat chilling his own skin. A silent sob choked him, and his other hand sought out Dick's hand, grasping it tightly, mindful of needles and tubes.

"You selfish prick…" he breathed, squeezing Robin's hand so tightly, he wondered if he might break something. "You… selfish… stupid little…" But his emotions robbed him of words. Tears slipped down his cheeks unchecked. He gritted his teeth, baring them to the floor as he fought not to burst into open sobs once again.

Starfire's words still lingered inside his head. _It's impossible to stop loving somebody who has taken our heart…_

"You do have it…" he murmured quietly. "You took it and I don't know if I'll be the same again… But if you leave us now… if you leave me this way… I'll never forgive you, Dick. I'll never forgive you…"

Tears were streaming more fervently down his cheeks again. His shoulders bobbed as he cried, silently. With foreheads still connected, he stared down at the boy lying beneath him. The soft hairs on his cheeks… the lashes on his closed eyelid… the little freckles dappled over his nose, so fine they were almost invisible… and out of the corner of his eye, the breathing tubes…

He choked on a sob, clasping his eyes tight, as though not seeing it made it suddenly not there. He licked his lips, and raised his head, just enough to plant a gentle, careful kiss on Dick's browline, then on his cheek. Then, with the uttermost care, he stole a kiss as close to the boy's mouth as he could get, the oxygen tube grazing his temple, their noses bumping as they had so many times before.

"If only I could really kiss you…" he murmured numbly, pulling away and staring tearfully down on him, his lips tingling with aftershocks. "Maybe I could be your prince charming, and bring you back from this sleep…"

He suddenly winced, and hung his head as he imagined what Dick's reaction would have been, if he'd been able to hear him. "I know... I know... That was lame. Sorry…"

For a second, he thought he felt Robin's fingers flex under his grasp. But the moment he lifted his head to check, the feeling was gone, and he felt alone once again.

* * *


	12. If I Wasn't So Happy...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Due to poor planning on my part, I've run out of lyrics from Be Gentle With Me. I've been sitting on this chapter a good two weeks, waffling around trying to figure out what to do about this. I've decided to go with an entirely different song - Name, by the Goo Goo Dolls. But since this is still called Be Gentle With Me, chapter titles will still follow that song...

 

* * *

 _And even though the moment passed me by  
_ _I still can't turn away  
_ _Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose  
_ _Got tossed along the way  
_ _And letters that you never meant to send  
_ _Get lost or thrown away_

* * *

"Dudes!" a voice shouted, shattering the tranquility of morning, kicking away the grasp of sleep.

"…huh…wha…?"

"DONUTS!"

"Beast Boy… what's the deal…?"

"Yeah, some of us  _finally_  managed to fall asleep …?"

"Wait. He does not have a deal. I smell them as well!"

A smile toyed Cyborg's lips as he followed those voices down the hallway toward the hospital wing. The smell of donuts was overpowering around him, wafting from the bags clutched in one of his full hands. He'd already had one on his way back from the store, but even still, he himself was drooling at the thought of another one.

As the hospital doors parted ways before him, his smile suddenly turned into a yelp of horror as an enormous green hound dog leapt at him, barking and snapping for the bags, which he held far out of reach.

"Down, boy!" he shouted, lifting a leg to shove the changeling away.

"You got me vegan ones, right?" Beast Boy gasped as he turned back to normal, throwing his arms around Cyborg's waist and staring up at him with beady, hopeful eyes. Drool dangled from his lips in hunger. "Dairy-free glaze? Gelatin-free deliciousness?"

"Yeah yeah yeah, right here," Cyborg said, separating one of the bags and tossing it into the middle of the room. Beast Boy cried out and leapt after it, still on all-fours despite his human form. The cybernetic teen couldn't help but smile just a little more as he was finally able to move fully into the room, where he found himself facing a small audience of groggy, despondent faces.

"Morning, team," he greeted, trying to sound as upbeat as possible as he set down the other bags on a nearby counter, along with a small pile of newspapers. He looked at them for a short moment, before lifting one up to show the others. "I come bearing the news."

A tired groan rose. "How much damage did they…?"

Cyborg turned, just as the ginger-haired source of the voice picked himself up from where he'd camped out on the floor. Cyborg looked him over. At some point during the night, Kid Flash had changed back into his trademark canary yellow costume, but despite his outfit's vibrancy and color, the boy himself looked dead in the water. He looked sallow and pale, bags under his eyes as his eyes stared up at the oldest Titan.

But Cyborg smiled at him, with what he hoped was reassurance, waving the newspaper around before plopping it back on the counter. "Come see for yourself."

The rest of the Titans exchanged confused looks (with the exception of Beast Boy, whose head appeared stuck in his donut bag). They made their way over to the counter, leaning over one another to see as Cyborg flipped the papers over to the important articles.

"Apparently," he murmured lightly, shooting them a little grin, "Robin's got some friends in very fortunate places."

No one spoke a moment, as they looked at the newspaper.

"Wait a second… the Daily Planet?" Kid Flash gasped, grabbing up the newspaper.

"'Viral Superhero Internet Photo Proven a Hoax…'" Raven read over his shoulder, eyes skimming the article quickly.

"The Associated Press got a hold of the story, too. It's popping up in newspapers nationwide."

"The Daily Planet is big…" Kid Flash's voice was still awestricken as he read over the article again. "It wouldn't matter what the Jump Gazette posts now…"

"Exactly."

Raven was still reading the article. "So, they made it sound like the gang members who took the photo staged it to sully our reputation and get their fifteen minutes of fame."

"Do you think the population will believe the new story?" Starfire asked quietly, looking around at them. "Will this protect Robin…?"

"The tabloids will probably still have a field day with the photo, but most people regard those with less than half a grain of salt, anyway."

"…why would they use salt to…" Starfire began, before Raven muttered "Don't worry about it."

"But how did this happen?" Kid Flash asked, folding the paper to the front page and slapping a finger at the thick text writing out  _Daily Planet_. "How did we manage this?"

"We didn't," Cyborg muttered. He rummaged around in one of the donut bags a moment, pulling out a jelly-filled one and taking a bite, talking through it. "Batman did. He said he would take care of it… and he did…"

"You talked to him…" Kid Flash's voice was dying away, his face paling. "What else did you tell him…?"

Cyborg looked up at him, looking into those exhausted blue eyes behind that yellow mask. He chewed on his donut a second, then swallowed. "Nothing he didn't need to know. Don't worry. But… I did have to tell him what Slade did… and what Robin almost did…"

"So how is it that Batman hasn't busted down our door yet?" Beast Boy suddenly piped up, looking up from the floor with his arms and face smeared in chocolate, the donut bag settled over the toes of one shoe.

"Actually…" Cyborg muttered through a mouthful of donut, before swallowing hard. "He already came by… while you guys were asleep…"

"HE was HERE?" two voices gasped at once. Kid Flash and Beast Boy glanced at one another, then back. "Wait, a minute!" began one. "When you say 'here'—" "—do you mean—" "—in this room?"

Cyborg nodded. Two groans leapt to the air. "No wonder my dreams were full of dark shadows…" muttered Kid Flash just as Beast Boy gasped "No wonder my dreams were so awesome!"

"Why is he no longer here?" asked Starfire with concern.

"I don't know." Cyborg shrugged. "He said he had some business to take care of…"

"…you think he went after Slade…?" Kid Flash muttered darkly, eyes flashing with hatred. Cyborg watched him closely, but the speedster never looked up.

"I don't know. That was all he told me."

"Wai-wai-wait," Beast Boy called out, getting to his feet and holding his chocolate-smeared hands out. "Time out! How do you know Bats was here? How come you've talked to him? What, are you two buddy-buddy now or something?"

"I was awake when he arrived,  _and_  I don't run away squealing like a fangirl when I see his face."

"Dude, just that  _one time_. And it's not fair! You're practically always awake, since that battery of yours only needs about half an hour to recharge and—"

"So, what did Batman say…? About Robin?"

Starfire's quiet, solemn voice managed to sober the entire room, even Beast Boy's rising voice. The changeling fell quiet, his shoulders slumping. He sat himself on the ground like he was putting himself in time out, and began absentmindedly licking chocolate off his hands like a grooming cat. Kid Flash sat in a chair beside him, his Adam's apple visibly bobbing beneath the spandex of his costume as he looked over at the robotic hero. Cyborg merely chewed thoughtfully a moment, his throat a little dry as he swallowed.

"Well… he said that we did all the right things when he was brought in yesterday. He said that he should recover just fine…"

"He's gonna make it?" For the first time, Kid Flash's face seemed to brighten, his eyes sparkling with hope. And he wasn't alone. The entire room felt suddenly lighter.

"He should…" Cyborg's voice wasn't as merry as he wished it could be. "But, he's still not completely out of danger. We have to keep him on the respirator for a little while longer, and we don't know if there will be any major physical complications from the overdose…"

"…though we know there will be psychological ones…" Raven murmured darkly. Her eyes were fully in shadow as she glanced at the others. "He tried to end his own life. …who's to say he won't try again when he wakes up…?"

A visible flinch passed through the group at her words. Cyborg's donut suddenly didn't seem appetizing anymore, and he set it down.

"…we won't allow him the opportunity…" he murmured in a low, determined voice.

"Cyborg, you are certain he did it purposefully…?" Starfire spoke up quietly, looking at Raven. "It was not simply a miscalculation on his part… maybe he just did not know how many of the pills would…"

"He knew." Raven looked at the boy on the bed, at the tubes and the monitors. Her eyes lost focus, as though she were staring right through him. "It wasn't something he really considered doing until he did it… he acted entirely on impulse…"

"…good thing he didn't have his belt, then…" Kid Flash murmured, looking as though he might be sick as he silently considered all the weapons the teen would have had at his disposal.

"Will Bats even let him keep being a Titan?" Beast Boy asked, absentmindedly nibbling on some chocolate on the back of his hand. "I mean, after all this…"

"I asked him, but he didn't give me a straight answer. Just 'We'll see.'"

Beast Boy groaned, flopping back onto the tile floor with his eyes closed. "And that  _always_  means 'No' in grown-up talk…."

"Whether Robin gets to stay with us or not isn't what's important right now," Raven muttered. "What is important is that he gets better, physically as well as mentally."

There was a murmur of agreement, and then silence. Every set of eyes seemed to turn at once, looking upon the unconscious Titan in unison. No one knew what else to say. What else was there to say?

Finally, Cyborg turned away, closing up the newspapers and rummaging in the bags of donuts. "Come on, you guys. Come eat. Or I'll have to finish them all myself."

No one moved. Cyborg sighed and snatched up a fistful of donuts, forcibly thrusting one into each of the others' hands. "Come on, y'all! Eat up! They're good for you!"

"…that's a joke, right?" Raven murmured with a sour face, squeezing her donut a little, causing jelly to seep out the side.

"Perhaps you'd like the kind with the many colors?" Starfire offered, holding out her own sprinkle-topped donut. "We could make the trading!"

Kid Flash just sat where he was, staring down at his powdered donut in silent contemplation. After a short while, he got to his feet, handed the donut to Cyborg with a distracted "…sorry. Not hungry…" before making his way out the door, which closed with a snap behind him.

Cyborg watched after him quietly, frowning. He couldn't help but feel bad for the speedster. It was clear all of this was affecting him badly, and something told him he needed to talk to him, calm him down. But it seemed senseless to try and chase after him– for all he knew, the redhead could be halfway to France by now.

But Kid Flash hadn't gotten quite that far. In fact, he hadn't even left the Tower. He ran until he literally was unable to go any further, facing a wall on the bottom floor of the massive building, no place left to go without vibrating his way through the metal before him. He panted a little, which was odd to him - it wasn't like he'd run miles and miles…  _oh, that's right,_ he realized as he fell against the wall.  _I threw up last night and haven't eaten since…_  But food was the last thin on his mind as he slide down the wall's cold, smooth surface, until he was on the floor with his feet splayed awkwardly before him, his head wilting toward his chest.

He just felt so numb. Empty… completely at a loss about what to do, about how to feel about any of this. Dick was going to be okay… he should feel relieved, happy, should be rejoicing upstairs with the others…

But all he felt like doing was hiding. His stomach twisted and tangled around his other organs, making him pull his knees to himself with a moan. He dropped his head, his ginger hair falling over his eyes.

All he could remember was that horrifying moment when he thought he'd lost him…

… _who am I kidding… doesn't matter if he's alive or not… I'm pretty sure I've lost him anyways…_

… _maybe he was never mine to begin with…_

He moaned again, louder, more pathetically, clutching his head and squeezing his eyes shut. How could he feel simultaneously so numb and so overwhelmed at the same time? It didn't make sense…

There was a prickling sensation on his skin. It began in his hands, creeping up his arms to the back of his neck, then down his spine. He snapped his eyes open, insides chilling.

He felt like he was being watched…

His gaze slowly lifted, and then his breath caught in his chest, like a fly trap snatching its prey.

A dark figure, like a silhouette against the illuminated walls of the garage, staring at him from beside his familiar black jet.

… _oh shit, it's him!_

Panic burst through him, and he was already out of the room, before the Dark Knight even had a chance to narrow his eyes in mild interest.

"Stupid!" he griped to himself, barreling around a corner, up a stairwell, down a hallway "Stupid stupid stupid…"

He stumbled around another corner, nearly losing his footing and falling to the ground. He felt weak… maybe he  _should_  go back upstairs and have a donut…

…no… he'd only just left… that'd be a little embarrassing…

Besides… he still wanted to hide. He didn't want to face any of them…

…he didn't want to face the sight of him on the bed anymore….

His insides twisting again as he remembered, he looked up again, taking note of the world around him, as though trying to figure out where to hide in this enormous tower. Where would no one stumble upon him…?

He blinked, suddenly realizing where he was, and for a moment, he couldn't believe he'd managed it without thinking.

The hallways of the sleeping quarters. Rooms labeled with the names of the Titans.

And just before him, Robin's room.

"…figures…" he grumbled in annoyance, staggering forward. He hit a button on the door, and it shot open with the whirr of hydraulics, revealing the familiar bedroom beyond.

The smell was immediate and overwhelming… entrancing… comforting... He stepped inside, letting the door fall closed behind him, plunging the room into darkness save for the small window above the Boy Wonder's bed. Wally stared down at it, awestruck. It wasn't made… That unsettled him a little. Robin always made the bed… every morning…

He screwed his face up a little with a whimper. Part of him wanted to throw himself onto that bed… sniff the sheets, feel the softness of the mattress, think of better times… but he couldn't. He couldn't even take one more step into the dojo-style room. He slid back to the floor, crossing his legs beneath himself and sighing. No, he couldn't do any of that. Not only was it a tad creepy, but he didn't feel he deserved it… he just didn't…

…he really didn't deserve Dick… after all this… how could he?

And Dick didn't deserve to deal with him. Deal with all this shit.

…but he'd turned to him… In one of the darkest moments of his life, Dick had turned to him for support… Did that mean something?

 _No… no it doesn't…_  he realized dully, closing his eyes.  _He only thought the others hated him… but they don't… He has to understand that they don't…_

 _Which means he doesn't need me here… would be better off without me here…_

Understanding crept its way into his mind. He couldn't stay. He just couldn't. If Dick was going to overcome this, it had to be without him… Whether he was a crutch or a reminder of terrible things or the creator of drama, he just couldn't be there any more…

He took off again. He gathered up his bag full of his civilian clothes and cell phone before making his way up to the empty kitchen and refueling on half a hoagie and a liter of Gatorade. As he sucked down the last of it, a thought struck him.

He should leave a note… just to let the Titans know that he was leaving, so they didn't have to concern themselves about him.

He tore around the kitchen, opening drawers, looking for the junk drawer that every kitchen has. Sure enough, this one was no exception, as he pulled out a pad of post it notes and began writing. When he filled up one note, he stuck it to the counter and continued to the next, until there were a small spackling of pink squares littering the yellow counter.

 _Hey guys,_  they said.  _Just letting you know I've headed back home. Robin needs to get better, needs to learn to trust again, and I'll just get in the way. (Don't say I won't because we all know I will.) Thank you all for being so kind to me, for letting me be a Titan. Hopefully I'll see you all again someday. ~KF_

He scribbled out one last thing on another note, then froze, staring down at the words like it was horrifying he'd even written them. He scribbled furiously, then finally crumpled the note up and shoved it in his pocket. No, this was good enough, he decided. He didn't need to put anything else... especially not that...

He slung his bag over his back and tore from the Tower, out the secret entrance, over the bay with the water padding under his feet like it was made of concrete. He leapt up onto a dock and turned a corner.

And then froze to a horrible stop, gaping up at the building before him.

Pier 3…

"Oh come  _on!_ " he snapped with a foot swinging angrily at the air. "How many more times is this going to happen?"

He glared up at that terrible warehouse, then turned, setting his stance to charge away from it…

But he didn't.

…it was stupid… why should he go inside…? What possible reason was there…?

But he was already moving toward it, squeezing in through the gap in the rusted door. More light shone in now than in all his other visits, big columns of white that glittered and danced with airborne dust. It almost seemed different, like a whole other place, just another warehouse where the worst crime that had happened in it was the tagged walls.

But the blood smeared on the floor proved otherwise.

Wally stared at it stupidly, leaning against one of the wooden boxes with his heart breaking all over again. He screwed his face up, fighting to hold back the emotions charging through him, but he couldn't.

"I'm an idiot… I'm such a fucking IDIOT!" he screamed, spinning around and slamming his fist right through the side of the huge wooden crate, splintering and cracking the wood. He froze a moment, smelling the dust rising to the air from his assault, feeling the sting of splinters through his glove.

"I'm an idiot…" he murmured on, like it was a mantra, pulling his hand back out and plucking the slivers free. "I'm an idiot..." He dropped his hands and sighed, his anger fading to despair.

He turned, staring out at the room once more.

"…I'm an idiot…"

 **  
**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hated this chapter. It caused me much grief and strife, but it had to get written.  
> By the way... I mean, I do have another chapter to post before it happens, but I have to give up my laptop to the manufacturer so they can replace the faulty screen (oh my god it never ends, guys, it never ends! Those of you who kept up with RotJ - remember how often this kind of thing happened? IT NEVER ENDS! ARGH!) I hate writing on my desktop, cuz it's a mac and word on mac is stoopid, so it's likely I'll not be updating for two weeks or so... *winces*  
> x_x wish me and Sokka (my laptop - YES HE'S NAMED SOKKA) luck... hopefully he doesn't come back with something ELSE broken...  
> ALSO! Fanfiction dot net's review response thingy has been VERY STUPID for the past few weeks! x_x I will try to figure out how to get around it, but just know that if I don't respond... (stupid stupid STUIPID website! There is so much hate I have for it!)


	13. ...I Wouldn't Be So Scared of Dying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: HELLO PEOPLE OF AO3 (or however it's abbreviated)
> 
> So... you guys ought to kill me, because this story is cross-posted between here and fanfiction dot net (hey, go check me out on there! I have a lot more stories that I have yet to put here!). And.... I figured out just now that one of the chapters never got updated.... And I still haven't worked on it in a year... Whoops. DON'T KILL ME! I CAN'T FINISH IT IF YOU KILL ME!

 

_And now we're grown up orphans  
_ _That never knew their names  
_ _We don't belong to no one  
_ _That's a shame  
You could hide beside me  
Maybe for awhile  
_ _And I wont tell no one your name  
_ _I wont tell 'em your name_

* * *

It was strange. This world he found himself in. It was chaotic place, a juxtaposition of reality and dreams. Often, he couldn't be so sure where one ended and another began, or if either existed at all, or if he existed at all. He felt tangled, trapped… broken.

Every so often he would notice one thing – a fish swimming past his head, a faceless boy asking him to play – that made him stop a moment and wonder if that was what was supposed to be happening. Then he would blink, and find himself in another place, seeing faces he didn't want to see, hearing voices he didn't want to hear. Not yet, anyway. He'd just turn away from them, wrapping himself tighter in his soft, tangled web, and slip back into the cloudy void.

And then there were those times, few and far between, where everything would just stop for a little while. No noises, no images, no thoughts. Those seemed to be the moments he looked forward to the most, because even snarled in this confusing place between lives, he never truly forgot what had happened. Who he was. Why he was there. What he had done. What had happened to him…

But it didn't bother him. Not here. It just couldn't. It felt more like something that happened to someone else than to him…

As some voices garbled past where he sat in this strange place, he wondered how much time was passing. There was no way to tell, no sun or moon, no pull of sleep. He looked around him, at the blurred images that made up his world. It all felt almost familiar, yet not. The patterns of fuzzy shapes, shifting every so often… he felt like he should know all of this…

He shifted a little where he lay, and then winced. Something hurt… no… many things hurt. Sharp, lingering twinges of pain, here and there… his arm, his back, his stomach… his legs… But they hadn't hurt before. Why was he noticing them now…?

He blinked, and looked up. His breath caught in his throat as he noticed that one by one, the blurred images were beginning to come into focus. Panic clutched him, and he turned away from it all, as he had so many times before, but this time, his cheek collided with something soft, and the rest of one side of his body followed suit. Gravity shifted, so he was stretched out on the softness like it was a bed.

…wait… it was a bed, wasn't it…?

He blinked against his pillow, inhaling the familiar pungent scent of the hospital wing. The last vestiges of his dreams were washed away with the bitter realization that he was actually awake…

…and he was alive…

All the emotions he should have felt before began to scrape at him now. He clenched his eyes shut and rolled his head into his pillow. His brain felt like a muddled mess. He didn't know what to think about any of this… being awake, being alive… But he knew, he didn't want to deal with it. He just wanted to sleep again… go back to that place where he didn't feel anything… He just wanted more time.

But it wasn't going to happen. He knew it wasn't going to happen. Tears stung in his eyes and his shoulders tensed. He clenched his fingers, and could feel the familiar tug of IV needles in the back of his hand. A tuneless rhythm rose in tempo with his heart rate, accompanied by the hum of other instruments… monitoring things like his brain waves, he supposed .

Seconds passed at half the speed of his pulse, every other beep another second come and gone. Dick grew slowly aware of the hairs on the back of his arms standing on end. His spinal column tightened, and he knew from instinct that someone was watching him. He kept his eyes closed, ignoring that feeling. He just didn't want to deal with anyone…

Yet he couldn't ignore that intuition. He was hardwired not to. Besides, anyone standing there had to know he was awake now… it was a little pointless to keep pretending… He opened his eyes, blinking out at the room. He frowned, realizing everything seemed brighter than it should. His eyes darted around, and he realized with a rush of panic that his mask was missing. His hands were already moving to hide his eyes – that was something none of his friends needed to see… not now. But movement on the far side of his vision made him freeze halfway. His gaze was drawn to it like a moth to a flame, following the straight contours of a dark cape up to a hidden face.

"Hello, Dick…"

All knowledge of how to breathe failed him. His lips parted, eyes widening in a gaping stare at the Dark Knight. For a long moment, he wondered he was even really awake. Truly this was still a dream… cuz he wouldn't be… Bruce would never…

But as the initial shock passed, he found gravity tugging on him, pulling him weakly down into the mattress. His head fell against his pillow, half of his vision obscured as he stared out before him, his fogged mind scrambling to think.

…Bruce… Bruce…  _here…_?

"What are you doing here…?" he rasped numbly, before he even realized he was talking. But as he heard his own voice escaping his lips, he winced noticeably. Hesounded weak… he  _sounded_  like a worthless failure… like defeat…

And he waited. He waited for the answer he knew was coming, just as a condemned felon waits for the axe to fall. He kept his eyes focused away from the caped crusader, dully out into the room. He knew he was to be scolded. Told off for letting himself be captured, for letting some stupid villain get away with using him that way. Told off for being so selfish as to give in to impulse… for being so selfish…

But when the Caped Crusader finally spoke, his voice wasn't stern or critical.

"You tried to take away your own life, Dick. You nearly succeeded. …Why wouldn't I be here?"

That was not the answer he'd been expecting, and definitely not the tone. Dick blinked blankly against his pillow, trying his best to hold his ground, to not react the way his body wanted to. He set his jaw, drawing in a hard breath, glancing further away from the Dark Knight.

"Well, clearly I'm fine now," he spoke bluntly, trying to sound strong and bitter – the way he had when he'd first left Gotham. "So why don't you just—"

"…you're not fine."

Robin fell silent. Those three words latched onto him, crushing his chest and digging its talons into his heart. He tried not to let it show on his face, but his shoulders hunched against it unwittingly, hands balling into fists before him so tightly, he was surprised his IV needle didn't snap. He barely blinked at the far wall as he tried to bury his reaction, able to feel Bruce watching him carefully.

…no… he was fine… if he wasn't fine, Bruce would take him away… he would strip him of his costume and mask… he would take his life away, in an entirely different sense…

And somehow, that possibility seemed so much worse than what he'd tried to do… it was almost a shame he didn't succeed…

He could see movement again through his peripheral vision. His eyes flicked to the dark vigilante then away again, as he saw that Batman had reached for a chair, settling awkwardly down on it so they were closer to eye level. Dick's eyes darted around, trying to find something – anything – else to look at than that masked face.

Bruce stayed quiet a long moment. He looked uncomfortable and out of place – the Dark Knight of Gotham sitting down beside his hospital bed, his armored elbows propped against his padded knees. The sight was almost comical.

Bruce looked around the room, as though searching for something to say. He glanced down between his feet, nodding his head just a little as though finally deciding on just the right words.

"I know what he did to you…"

It was stated so bluntly, yet the sentence trailed away, as though part of it was lost between Bruce's thoughts and his voice. The Dark Knight dropped his head again, glancing away as those words circled the room.

And Dick couldn't respond. He blinked a little, watching a spot on the far wall as those words replayed in his head again and again.

…what he did…

…what Slade did…

All the memories he had been holding back leapt to attention, filling his thoughts like photographs scattering across the floor of his mind. Layered, disjointed; each snapshot unrelated to the ones directly beside it, but presented together created a clear and immediate whole. Dick clasped his eyes shut out of reflex, forcing a shuddering breath as he fought to gather all of that and box it away again. But it was too hard, the memories were too vibrant, too strong …the animalistic grunts in his ear… the pain tearing through him… the emptiness in his heart in the aftermath of it all….

"Dick…?"

That feeling of being watched triggered again. His mind scrambled more fervently to shove those swelling emotions aside, a dry swallow hurting his throat as he forced his eyes open again.

" _I know what he did…"_

_Do you really, Bruce…? How could you possibly know what I've been through…?_

He glanced at the Dark Knight, just as the older hero glanced away again. Dick frowned darkly.

"Yeah. And?" was all he said, and he surprised himself at how bitter and resentful his words sounded. But he didn't let his gaze waver, as though challenging his mentor.

Their gazes connected. Dick felt his blood go cold, and he wanted nothing more than to look away, but he couldn't. He clenched his teeth, eyebrows knitting in focused animosity. He couldn't let his guard down. He couldn't show any more weakness before Batman. He had to stay strong, stay focused…

It was Bruce that turned away. He released an almost imperceptible sigh, and bowed his head again. Dick's eyes widened in disbelief as he saw gauntlet-covered hands lift, thumbs hooking under the dark cowl and tugging it back over a head of dark, disheveled hair, revealing the face hidden beneath. Dick could only stare as Bruce looked at him, his face startlingly human compared to the one created by the mask. Dick had almost forgotten what he'd looked like without it. The square jaw, the handsome features, that boyishness that age almost worn away. And then there were those gray eyes, the ones that only hinted at the troubled life the man had endured.

Bruce ran a hand absentmindedly through his matted hair, combing it back with his fingers and revealing his receding hairline. He glanced around with those stormy eyes, looking behind him toward the door, as though suddenly wary of his unmasked identity in the empty hospital ward.

And as Dick watched him, the disbelief and hostility charging through his system dissipated almost instantly. It had been so easy to look at the black mask and only see Batman - the callous vigilante, unyielding, uncaring, unwilling to compromise or cooperate. An impersonal aggravation that he'd left behind on the side of the country, and had been grateful for it. For so long, that was all he'd considered this man to be… all he'd allowed him to be…

But now that mask was gone, and all that was left was Bruce, glancing around with the same gray eyes as the man who took him in when he was a child… gave him a home and a family after his own had been so ruthlessly torn away from him.

Bruce… not Batman… Bruce Wayne… his guardian… practically his father… that's who this was…

It was a role the older man seemed to have lost practice with, but that concern, that kindness, was still there, seeping its way through the wall of sternness he'd built up over the years. Those gray eyes flickered over to the Titan, their gazes meeting once more, and Dick found his eyes widening at the amount of remorse showing in his mentor's face. It sent a chill racing from his sternum through his chest to his spine, freezing it solid.

After what felt like an eternity, Bruce glanced away once again, clearly searching for words to say. Finally, he sighed, and uttered words the Boy Wonder never thought he'd hear.

"I'm sorry, Dick…"

For a long time, nothing happened. Not even the air seemed to move. Dick's eyes stung, he held them open so wide, staring at the Dark Knight with his jaw slackened in shock. Bruce shifted with an uncharacteristic display of uncertainty before continuing in a halting mutter. "Since the first time you put on the mask, I was always afraid that something like this would happen to you." He paused a second, meeting the teen's gaze once again as though to reinforce his words. Dick found himself having to look away, focusing once more on a spot on the far wall, his eyes still stinging as he clamped his jaw shut. "There are sick people in this world and you… you were so young… just a kid. So many times I thought of making you stop, so you would never have to live through something like this…"

Dick didn't speak. He couldn't. His jaw hurt, he was clasping it so hard, and part of him wanted to make Bruce stop talking. This was more than he could handle. Bruce didn't say things like this… he didn't care…

"Well, then you grew up," the Dark Knight went on quietly. "You moved out here, you started your team… You overcame so much, did so many things to prove you could hold your own. You had your friends. And I thought I didn't have worry as much…" He sighed softly, massaging his browbone with his fingers and frowning deeply. "I thought I didn't have to…"

"Please, Bruce. Stop…" Dick breathed weakly, screwing his eyes up tightly. "Just stop."

"Dick…"

"It happened," the Titan spat bitterly. "It happened. There's nothing anybody can do about that. But, you're not supposed to feel  _sorry_ , for me, Bruce! You're not supposed to!" His voice was rising, his fingers twisting around his sheets as the words leapt from his mouth before he could stop any of them. "It's my own stupid fault I got captured by him. It's my own inability to defend myself that let him do what he did! I was the one who let it get to me, who let myself be victimized to the point that taking a handful of pills seemed the only way to make the pain of it all go away! You shouldn't feel  _sorry_  for me! You should be sickened by me! I should be able to  _handle_  this!"

Bruce didn't speak, as though not wanting to interrupt Dick's outburst. The boy shook from the remnants of his anger, staring wildly up at his guardian, as though waiting for the man to realize his mistake and walk out him. Bruce swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing beneath the nape of his cowl.

"Everyone has their moments of weakness, Dick."

"You don't," Dick murmured, his head dropping heavily back onto his pillow.

"And that's something that took me many years to develop. I mean, when I was your age…" his voice trailed off a moment before returning in a dark murmur. "…well, let's just say it's remarkable I even survived my teenaged years."

The boy's maskless gaze flickered back to his guardian's face, noting the trace of dark recollection stirring beneath its surface. Dick blinked vacantly, not wanting to know or understand what that look could mean… it seemed like something he wasn't permitted to know.

"Richard…" The Titan seized up a little against the weight of that name, rolling his shoulders to his ears while ignoring the consequential pain lacing through his back at the movement. The bed shifted next to him as Bruce leaned his weight against it, his elbows pressing into the soft padded surface while his hands clasped together before his mouth as he searched for the next thing to say. "You've been through hell. Not one person will ever tell you otherwise. Some might try and convince you their hell has been worse, but there's no denying what you've had to endure. But… well, you know what I will say. What anyone will say."

"I can't just give up like that," the teen murmured, his words muffled by his pillow. The bed moved a little as Bruce nodded.

"It lets him win. It lets all of them win. And I know how much you hate to lose…"

Dick curled up tighter on himself, those words rattling through his head from another time. That had been so long ago… such a different world, with Slade representing something totally different in his world… _I know how you hate to lose…_

"It'd just be easier to let him win…" he grumbled numbly, still picturing that terrible mask.

"Of course it would, just as it would just be easier to let the bad guys do what they do and not try and stop them. This life isn't easy. You've always known that, Dick. It's not easy, and it never will be."

Bruce paused a moment, letting the words settle in the room. Dick shifted on the bed, rolling his head against the pillow as everything churned over in his tired mind. His shoulders slumped a little, as though he was too weak or defeated to be tense anymore. He wrapped his arms around himself, wincing at the tug of the IV tubes and taking a moment to pull the tape off, wincing as he pulled the needle from his skin and let it fall over the side of the bed, to dangle toward the floor.

"So what now?" he managed to croak, his throat becoming tight as he grew wary of the answer.

"I was going to ask you the same thing," Bruce murmured quietly, dropping his elbows to his knees and clasping his hands with a focused look to the teen. "What now, Dick?"

Dick didn't answer. He couldn't. He searched his brain for the answer to that question, but came up dry.

What now…?

He thought about Slade. His chest tightened and nerves ignited at the mere recollection of him… the horrible things he did…

He thought about Bruce. That concerned face that he'd long forgotten… He still cared… Even if ordinarily he was an overbearing pain… he cared…

He thought of his friends. The Titans. Thought of Starfire. He wondered how they were all dealing with this…

…he thought of Wally… his voice through the darkness, screaming for him, pleading with him to hang on as the drugs took their toll…

"I guess…" he murmured quietly, rolling onto his back and staring up at the ceiling. "…I guess living would be the first step…"

Bruce didn't say anything, but out of the corner of his eye, he thought he saw the older man relax a little.

"That's a start."

Dick swallowed hard, and rolled away from him, wincing at the pain lacing through him, from his cuts and his bruises. Slade's mask lingered in his mind's eye, accompanied by memories of the sounds, the sweat, the pain… He closed his eyes and sighed.

It was so easy to say those things… that he wanted to live… but feeling it was an entirely different story…

* * *

The next few days came and went in a blur.

He'd had to go through all the motions. The confrontations with the other Titans. The tearful apologies, the worried glances, the anger – well hidden but noticeable - at his selfishness. He had to convince them all that he was okay. That they didn't have to worry that he'd do something when they turned their backs.

…and he wouldn't. It took a few days for him to place some distance between himself and what happened, but he realized his own stupidity. He couldn't believe he'd allowed himself to go that far, and he hated himself for giving into his own impulses.

…though that didn't mean the impulses weren't still there. He was just more focused on ignoring them now…

Bruce stuck around. Dick was wary the whole time, expecting every other moment for the Dark Knight to walk in and tell him it was time to go back to Gotham. In fact, every moment that passed that  _didn't_ involve such a conversation only made the Boy Wonder more anxious.

"Am I allowed to stay, then?" he was finally able to ask, catching Bruce as he was coming back from his nighttime patrol of Jump City.

"We'll see," the man said in the gruff tone of Batman, sliding off his jet to the concrete floor of the landing bay.

"But why are you still here?" Robin murmured darkly, frowning deeply. "What about Gotham. You can't still just be here to look over me."

Bruce didn't speak a moment, inspecting something on the landing gear of the stealthy aircraft.

"You've been looking for him, haven't you…" Dick murmured quietly. "You're trying to get back at him for what he did to me."

"You could put it that way."

Any other time, Dick would've been annoyed. It was his villain, his team, his mission. Any other time, he wouldn't have wanted Batman sticking his nose in.

But this was different. Robin didn't want to have anything to do with him… not yet…

Bruce suddenly turned from his plane, getting to his feet and looking down on his young partner, face stoic and focused as ever. "You don't have any information, do you, Robin? Any clue or hint as to Slade's whereabouts?"

Robin didn't answer. He looked away, able to see perfectly on the map in his head where he'd found Slade that one night. He was a little amazed that no one else had figured it out... or maybe Slade hadn't wanted them to...

But even as he pictured it, he couldn't say it. For whatever reason, he could not say it. He looked back up at the Dark Knight, frowning a little.

"You mean, you haven't found him yet? With your tracking skills…?"

Bruce didn't answer. He looked even a little annoyed as he brushed by him, his cape fluttering in his wake. "Slade knows I'm looking for him… and he knows how to hide…"

_They're evenly matched…_  Dick thought numbly, as Bruce disappeared into the depths of the Tower.  _I wonder what will happen if they ever do meet…_

He looked around the enormous garage of the Tower, at the various vehicles and parts littering the space. He wondered how much longer this would last. How long until Batman would finally need to head home. …how much longer did Robin have left to be a Teen Titan…?

"Robin," a voice crackled on his communicator, snapping him out of his daze. "You did not ask permission to leave the command center. Please state your whereabouts."

"Calm down, Cy," he grumbled, snapping open his communicator. "I just went downstairs."

"Well, come back up here and stop sneaking off. You know we don't like that. Not after last time."

Last time… of course, when he'd snuck away, sought out Slade, and got himself into trouble again…

"I know…" he murmured quietly. "Sorry… I'll be right there." He snapped the communicator closed and rubbed the back of his neck with a sigh. He turned and headed out the room, only pausing a second to turn off the light.

…being a Titan… house arrest… stupid impulses… Slade…

His brain was all jumbled up, trying to think of a million things at once. His body still ached with the injuries from his encounter with Slade. His breathing and heart beat still hadn't quite normalized after the overdose. He felt like shit, and he still felt like a worthless failure. Only making his friends worried… only caring about himself… they would be better off…

He winced, and forced such thoughts back. He couldn't keep thinking that way. All he knew was, he had to keep living… just keep going until it didn't hurt anymore…

…right…?

He made his way up the tower to the command center at the very top. His mind felt oddly blank as the elevator lift chimed each floor, until he was stepping through the entry hall into the main command center. Cyborg looked up from his place at the counter, frowning over at him with a focused expression.

"Come on, man. That's not cool."

"Do I really need you guys breathing down my neck every waking moment?" Robin murmured darkly, almost regretting his decision to return as he made his way to the kitchen.

Cyborg didn't answer, but shot him a very determined look. Dick ignored it, kneeling down and wrenching open cabinets under the counter, searching for something to eat.

Something caught his attention from the corner of his eye. He frowned a little, turning his head. It was a speck of color, beneath one of the cabinets. He reached under, his fingers closing around a crumpled piece of paper. He pulled it out and slowly pulled it open, flattening it against his knee before holding it up to read.

He blinked, dully.

"Cyborg?" he asked quietly. "How was Kid Flash doing, before he left…?"

There was no answer. Robin lifted his gaze, looking up at the cybernetic Titan. The bigger teen looked back with a muted sort of expression, frowning as though trying to see through the spiky-haired hero.

"He wasn't doing well…"

"Have you talked to him since he left?"

"No." Cyborg turned a page of his newspaper, smoothing it out on the counter. "He didn't take a communicator. I have no way of contacting him… although I know you do."

Robin didn't answer. He shoved the note into his pocket and stood, leaning against the counter.

"I guess I should call him… apologize for what happened…"

"That'd be the most not-an-asshole thing to do, yeah." Cyborg lifted his gaze again, growing a little more subdued. "…he was really worried, Robin… you… you clearly mean a lot to him."

Robin glanced at the yellow counter. "I know."

"What does he mean to you? And Starfire, for that matter…?"

Dick swallowed dry. No one had brought that up since he'd woken up. He looked around restlessly, blankly.

"I… don't know yet…"

"…you can't keep avoiding it."

"I know."

Cyborg didn't say anything else, turning another page of his newspaper, a noticeable leap of excitement to his face as he noticed he'd come across the funny pages. Robin wavered a little while longer before standing up straight. "With your permission, Cy…" there was an air of bitterness to his voice as he spoke those words, "I'd like to go down to my room and see if I can get a hold of him… I really do owe him an apology, at the very least, for pulling that one on him…"

Cyborg looked up, squinting a little as though trying to make out any sign of deception in Robin's features. The younger boy stood his ground, determined, anxious. Cyborg finally gave a nod. "Go ahead…"

"Thanks…"

There were a million other bitter things Dick wanted to add to the end of that sentence – about how Cyborg should enjoy bossing him around while he could, specifically – but he bit his tongue, not wanting to lose permission as he hurried down the stairs, wincing at the pain in each movement.

He made it to his room, the door slamming shut behind him, leaving him to the silence and solitude of his own personal space. Morning sunlight filtered in from the small window – he'd opted for one of the few bedrooms without floor-to-ceiling windows, to allow more privacy - casting a square of light on the bamboo floor of his dojo-themed room. He paused a moment, reaching into his pocket again, pulling out the note.

It was Wally's handwriting… he knew it… the others had said he'd left, leaving only a note behind. Post-it notes… so typical of him…

But this one little note… he looked over it again.

_Tell Robin that I…_

There were a few more words, but they had been scribbled out, and no matter how hard he squinted, he couldn't make out a single letter. But that didn't matter… the intent was there…

Of everyone he'd hurt with his actions, Wally filled him with the most guilt. His voice screaming his name… the desperation… the pure loss… that was one of the few things he was unable to forget in the aftermath of everything.

He could remember – jumbled, hazy, but true – their moment on the rooftop. How at peace he felt with him… how concerned the speedster was when he was standing on the edge of the roof… how hurt he looked when he realized the truth behind Robin's words… how scared he was when the drugs began to take over…

And what Robin did to him… It was the most selfish thing he'd ever done to anyone. And he did it to Wally…

…who was in love with him…

It still didn't make sense. They had been best friends. Then, they had been fuck buddies. But… lovers…?

…it was just so confusing… would it ever stop being so confusing…?

Robin swallowed hard as he reached for the phone in his nightstand. He didn't know what he would say. He didn't really even know exactly how he felt. But he knew he had to talk to him… sooner or later, he had to talk to him… It'd been four days since he'd woken up, and almost a full week since Kid Flash had left… he might as well do it now…

It was just like that night. It filled him with a dreadful sense of déjà vu as he dialed information, as he spoke with a similar monotonous operator. Mobile phone… Keystone City… Wallace West…

He listened to the buzz of the ringtone as the operator patched him through. He sat upon his bed with a sigh, crossing his legs, smoothing out the note on the comforter before him with anxiety scratching at his nerves. He waited, wondering first what he would say when Wally answered, before then wondering, as more rings passed, what he'd say if he got the answering machine.

Four rings moved into five. He closed his eyes as he heard a click, expecting the voicemail message to start up.

But it didn't. There was dead silence on the line. He frowned, pulling the phone away. The time was ticking. The line was still connected. He furrowed his eyebrows, holding the phone back to his ear.

"Hello…?" he asked carefully.

"…hello, Robin."

Everything went still. His eyes widened, his body stiffened, his mind went blank. Pure dread flooded him, freezing him to his very core.

"Slade…" he breathed weakly.

"You were expecting someone else…?"

Dread immediately mixed with anger, proving a very dangerous combination. He was on his feet, the note clasped tightly in his fist as he clutched the phone painfully to his ear. "Where is he?"

"Now, Robin—"

"WHERE IS HE?"

"You mean Kid Flash? Oh, don't worry, Robin. He's right here. Say hello, Kid Flash."

A strangled yelp filtered over the line. Dick's masked eyes widened out at his empty room, his body shaking a little as he gripped the receiver even tighter.

…no…

"I swear to God, Slade," he rasped, angry tears pricking at his eyes as he bared his teeth. "If you laid one finger on him—"

"Oh, I've laid  _much_  more than a finger on him, Robin…"

Dick's eyes fell closed, his stomach twisting violently. This wasn't happening. It just wasn't happening…

Another cry broke through the connection. He grasped the phone with both hands, as though he would drop it otherwise. He felt the floor plummeting beneath him, his knees threatening to give out as he pictured Wally looking much like he imagined himself to look after it all…

…the panting grunts… the rhythmic pain… that piercing gray eye on his naked form…

He staggered, clutching the wall beside his bed to prevent himself from falling over.

"Let him go…" he managed to gasp.

"Okay. I'll just release him, right now, because you told me to."

Sarcasm…

"…you son of a bitch…"

"Language, Robin. Language. Do you kiss Batman with that mouth? It would explain so much."

A furious sound leapt from Robin's lips as he clutched the phone and the wall with nails digging in. His shoulder shook with rage, tears burning in his eyes. "You sick… piece of…"

"How about I offer you a deal, Robin…? Of course… I think you already know what I'm going to request…."

Robin froze in silence. His whole body went numb with dread.

"…me…"

"That's right, Robin. If you show up here – you know where "here" is, I trust – by noon, I won't kill him. Take too long, though, and you'll find his dead, naked body on your doorstep by nightfall."

"No!" a weak, strained voice wavered through the earpiece. "Don't do it, Robin! It's a tra—AUGH!"

There was a very clear sound of something snapping, followed by a long, broken cry. Dick pressed himself against the wall, shaking. "Stop," he gasped. "Slade, don't hurt him!"

"Hm… Pretty sure I just broke his scapula. And thanks to his little outburst, you only have until 11:30."

Dick's eyes snapped frantically to his clock. It was already 10:22.

"Oh, and Robin… you are to show up alone. You are to not tell anyone where you are headed. I watch this city… if there is one hint of anyone following you… if there is any indication you've brought along help… I will kill him…"

Dick swallowed dully, unable to speak, dread robbing him of the ability to. Slade just chuckled a little, clearly taking the silence as a proper answer. "I hope to see you soon, my little bird…"

The line went dead. The phone tumbled from his hand. He slid down the wall, hitting the floor, his whole body trembling uncontrollably.

…this wasn't happening…

A hand leapt to his face as he struggled to breathe, struggled to think. His ears rang, as though still hearing those pain-filled cries he'd heard through the phone. In his mind eye, he saw the owner of that voice… that redheaded, freckled-face, smarmy little…

He blinked at the floor between his feet. He could see that devilish smile. Could see the tinge of pink to his cheeks when they…

He saw the fear in his eyes when Dick collapsed on the rooftop…

But he could not see him in pain… he couldn't see him… like that…

His stomach twisted violently, and he bent double with an odd sound. He thought of everything that had happened to him, thought of the feeling of being so helpless against Slade's advanced. But, his own encounters with Slade had only lasted hours, but Wally had been through days…

…he couldn't even imagine…

A strange sound startled him - a digitalized tune. His head snapped up, eyes falling on the phone on the floor beside him. It's screen was alight, indicating a message had come through. He hesitated before stretching out a hand, gripping it, pulling it toward him while unlocking the screen.

If he hadn't been fully afraid before, he was now, as a picture appeared on the glass surface of the cell phone. He clasped a hand to his mouth, unable to blink.

…a thin, naked form, outstretched on the ground… bruises… deep incisions in his back, spelling out a clear, bloodied letter "S"…

… _I've laid much more than a finger on him…_

_…come alone… if there's any indication you've brought help, I will kill him…_

_…little bird…  
_

"What do I do…" he gasped, curling up his shoulders against the onslaught of flashbacks and panic, pressing the cold surface of the phone to his forehead as tears threatened again. "Oh god, Wally, what do I do…?"

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ........again, I plead with you, peoples of Archive of Our Own.... don't kill me for this horrible cliffhanger. x____x I will finish this some day. I promise.


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